Page 22 of Puck Blocked
Montana:
I am.
Me:
Are you wearing my gift?
She sends me back a selfie, and seeing her in my jersey does something to me. It’s almost primal. Like wearing it is the same as marking her as mine.
Me:
It looks way better on you than it does on me.
Montana:
I’m sure there’ll be a thousand puck bunnies waiting for you after the game who would disagree.
Me:
The only girl I want waiting for me is you.
She reads my message but doesn’t send a reply. I might be coming off too strong. But fuck it. I’ve stayed away and look where that got us. It’s time we both stop fighting what was always meant to be. Us.
Chapter Eleven
I’ve read Luke’s message more times than I’d ever admit.
The only girl I want waiting for me is you.
What the hell am I supposed to make of that? I don’t want to think too much into it and make it a thing that it’s more than likely not. I know he’s told me he loves me. I get that years ago he might have wanted to be more than friends. But now? I don’t think that’s the kind of love he still has for me. I mean, how could he? I’m nothing but a broken mess.
I’m not good for him. Hell, I’m not even good for myself right now. I’ve thought about leaving over and over again over the last two days. I know that if I go back now, I could make things right with Andrew again. He’s probably not looking for me yet, which means he wouldn’t know that I’m not home.
I also know that if I go back, the cycle is never going to end. I can’t fix him. I can’t help him. I don’t even know if I want to anymore. What I do know is that I’m tired. I’m over being scared of my own shadow, but I don’t know how else to be.
When I logged in to my online profile and saw that I was still enrolled in my classes, I did what Luke suggested and changed all of my passwords, including those for my emails and social accounts. Not that I post, ever. I use them for stalking purposes only. Following Luke has been one of my guilty pleasures.
I don’t want to go back. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to. It’s not that I ever really wanted to go back in the first place. I just didn’t have other options. And I was too afraid to leave. I still am. I have no idea what Andrew is going to do once he realizes I’m not home and have no intention of returning.
I should let Luke send people to pack up my things. The only reason I haven’t is my reluctance to get him any more involved in my mess. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something happened to him because he was trying to help me.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Aliyah asks, while nudging my shoulder.
“Huh?”
“You’re off either fantasizing about something or someone… or plotting the demise of the world? Which is it?” She plucks the bottle of wine from the table and refills both of our glasses.
“Oh, um, I don’t know.”
“You know I’m not going to pry, and I won’t ever ask you to tell me your story if you don’t want to tell it. But, if you do want to talk about anything, I’m here to listen. Without judgment,” Aliyah says, watching me carefully, as if she’s afraid I might run off in the opposite direction.
“Thank you. I do appreciate the fact you haven’t asked. I mean, it’s kind of obvious.” I gesture to my face. “But I, um, I don’t think I want to talk about it.”
“Then we won’t. We’ll drink while watching our men skate around on a giant block of ice and knock into each other. Fifty bucks says my brother will get into a fight with someone within the first period.” She laughs.
“He does like to throw gloves.” I smile.
“Oh my god, you’re one of them, aren’t you?” Aliyah points at me. “You’re an actual hockey fan.”
