Page 69 of Light It Up Red
She’s on my mind constantly. Even now, as I sit on the bench in the locker room, watching my teammates get ready to play the first preseason game, I can’t stop thinking about her. Don’t get me wrong… I’m fucking pissed as hell that I’m benched. This isn’t exactly how I pictured my first game with the Knights going.
I pull out my phone and text Lili for the millionth time.
Me:
Is it weird that I’m more worried about you and what you’re doing than what I’m having to do right now?
I see the read notice on the message, and then the three little dots pop up, indicating she’s typing a reply.
Sweet Lili:
What are you doing?
Me:
About to sit out my first Knights game.
Sweet Lili:
I’m sorry. I know how much you love being out there. What have the doctors said? When will you be back on the ice?
This is the most she’s spoken to me in a week. And I’ll do anything I can to keep her talking. Which means I’m overthinking my reply. I don’t want to scare her off.
Me:
I love you more than hockey, Liliana. I hate sitting on the bench, but I hate going to bed at night without you more. I hate waking up and not seeing your beautiful face.
Me:
Doctors are saying two months.
Sweet Lili:
I hate it too.
That’s it. Just… I hate it too.
Fuck, my hand clenches around the phone. I know she loves me. I know she’s scared that her family connections will impact me. But she doesn’t get that living without her isn’t fucking living at all.
Me:
Then come home.
Sweet Lili:
You know I can’t do that, Travis. I can’t be the reason you get hurt again.
I don’t tell her that right now she is the exact reason I’m hurting. I don’t tell her that I’m breaking down without her.
Me:
This isn’t your fault, Lili. I love you.
I tuck my phone away and follow my teammates out through the tunnel. My parents are in the stands. I told them they could go home, that they didn’t need to be here tonight. I’m not even playing. They refused, saying that whether I was on the ice or not, this was my first game as a Knight, and that they were not missing it.
I sit down and look out to the crowd. Something has me glancing up at the boxes. Where the Monroes usually get together to watch the game. And I can’t look away. She’s here. Staring right back at me. Lili is standing between her father and Gray’s sister. I pull my phone out of my pocket.
Me:
