Page 58 of Light It Up Red
Please.
The notification pops up, telling me that she’s read the message, but she doesn’t reply.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Inever really understood heartbreak. I didn’t know it would feel like this. As if whoever I was before is gone. It’s like my heart is shattering inside my chest and there isn’t enough duct tape in the world to put it back together.
I also never expected to be the cause of my own heartbreak. I did this to myself. I let myself believe that I could keep him. That I finally found a man who was worthy of me and I was going to get my happily ever after.
Except girls like me don’t get that fairy tale. In my story, one heart has to break to ensure the other keeps beating. I will endure the pain, the despair. I’ll endure it all if it means that Travis is okay. I won’t be the reason he’s no longer living. I refuse to be his downfall. Instead, I’ll be my own. I’m giving myself another day to wallow in my grief before I’m going to bury all of these feelings somewhere deep down and carry on living a life that I no longer want.
I don’t want to return to New York and pretend that I haven’t left the other half of my soul behind. I don’t want to carry on as if he never existed, but I don’t have any other choice.
“Okay, we’re doing this.”
I peek my eyes open at the sound of Gray’s voice and watch as he walks over to the window and spreads the curtains open.
“Go away.” I roll over on the bed and bury myself under the covers.
“Nope, no can do. If you’re going to have a pity party, then who better to join you than me, Lil? I am the master of self-loathing after all.” Gray yanks at the blanket, pulling it off the bed completely.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him.
“Good, because neither do I. What I want to do is get drunk.” He places two glasses down on the nightstand before shoving me over to make room for himself on the bed. “Why are you hiding out in here anyway?”
“I’m really not in the mood, Gray,” I grumble.
“Too fucking bad. Sit your ass up and have a drink with me. You owe me that much,” he says, laying the guilt trip on thick this time.
“I don’t owe you shit,” I groan.
“You helped my girlfriend disappear for six years, then sat by my side while I mourned her death, Liliana. You owe me.”
“I helped my best friend disappear. I did it for her, and I’d do it again if I had to,” I warn him.
“I just came from the hospital. Your boyfriend’s all up in arms about checking himself out against medical advice to come and get you.”
“He can’t do that.” I sit up straighter.
“It’s not wise, but he can do it. If he wants. And he’s determined to talk to you.” Gray pours two glasses of whiskey and hands one to me.
“I’m going home. I can’t be here,” I tell him.
“Travis know that?”
“I can’t be with him. It’s because of me he almost got killed.” I take the glass from Gray’s hand, down the contents, and regret it instantly. My throat and chest burn from the liquor.
“Bullshit. That bullet had nothing to do with you, Lil,” Gray says.
My brows furrow. “You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. If anything, it was probably because of us. Valentinos have no business in Vancouver, Lil.”
“Travis took a bullet because of your family?” I punch his shoulder.
“Ow, damn it. Don’t hit me.”
“My boyfriend took a bullet that had your name on it, didn’t he?” I hold out my glass, waiting for Gray to refill it.
