Page 60 of Light It Up Red
“It hurts,” I sob. My fingers wrap around the lapels of his jacket.
“I know, sweetheart. He’s going to be fine, though. I spoke with his doctor,” Dad tells me.
I shake my head. “I can’t…”
“It’s okay. Just breathe.” Dad rubs his hands up and down my back.
“He’s… Seeing him in the hospital, all the tubes, everything… It was… I can’t see that again.”
“He’s okay, Liliana,” Dad repeats. “You want me to take you back to the hospital to see him?”
I shake my head again. “I can’t. I have to stay away.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to get him hurt more than he already is. I don’t want our world to touch him.”
“This wasn’t your fault, Liliana. This had nothing to do with us,” Dad tells me.
“We don’t know that. I don’t know that.” I pull back and look up at him.
Dad sighs and runs a hand down his face. “It’s not like I haven’t wanted to fill his body with lead.” He smirks. “But I would never do anything to hurt you, Liliana. Watching you fall apart like this is fucking destroying my soul.”
I can see the truth in his eyes. I believe him. I don’t know if that just makes me naïve or desperate, though. Because I also want to believe him. “I’m sorry.”
“Why don’t you just talk to him?”
“I can’t.”
“Tell me something… What made you want to move to fucking Canada of all places with this guy?”
“I love him, Daddy.” I lift one shoulder in a half shrug.
“Why?” he asks me.
“Because he’s… he’s everything. Kind, patient, and when he looks at me, I feel like I’m the center of his world. When I’m with him, I feel a peace I’ve never known before. And when I’m not, all I do is count down the time until I see him again.” I wipe at my cheeks. “You always showed me what love looks like, the way you love Mom, the way you treat her. That’s the kind of love I’ve always wanted to find myself. And I did find it. Travis is that kind of love for me.”
“Then why are you so ready to walk away from it?”
“Because I love him too much to watch him get hurt again,” I admit.
“Liliana, there are no guarantees in life. No matter what you do for a living or how you live. If you want me to take you home, I will. If you want me to take you to the hospital to see him, I will. But you shouldn’t let fear dictate your decisions.”
“I want to go home.”
“Okay.” Dad tugs me back against his chest. “I need to do a few things first. We’ll leave in the morning,” he says.
I nod my head against him and tighten my arms around his waist. “Thank you.”
“I love you, Liliana.”
“Don’t be too hard on Alessandro. I made him promise not to tell you where we were,” I say. “And you taught us never to break our promises.”
“Your brother makes his own choices. And he chose you. That’s not something I’ll ever be mad at either of you for. You should always choose each other.” My father squeezes me one more time, then pushes up from the bed and makes his way to the door.
“Dad, I love you too,” I call after him.
He nods before walking out of the room.
