Page 49 of Whispers of Fire

“Come on Rose, we don’t have all day.” My mother's voice cuts through the air like a knife, her excitement palpable as she gestures towards rolls of fabric at the back of the store.

No pretty dresses for me. A true little lamb must know where she belongs .

It suddenly feels hard to breathe, as if the shop didn't have oxygen in it. My heart pounds in my ears and all I can think of is how trapped I am. Like a bird with clipped wings, forever watching the world from a window. I reach my mother and force a smile on my lips, one I’ve perfected over years of practice.

“Found what you were looking for?” I sign to her.

“Not quite, come here,” she says, pulling out a rough white fabric and putting it under my chin. I look at her while she contemplates the fabric on me, a heavy pout on her face. “No, this one makes you look sick.” She turns and grabs another one, adjusting it on my chest, facing the mirror in front of us.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” says a small brunette with an “Anna” tag on her chest.

“No, thank you, we already know what we want,” my mom answers with a dry tone. Despite her claims of disdain for the outside world, her eyes sparkle with joy and excitement.

Does she miss it? Her old life before entering our community?

"That’s the one!" Her declaration cuts through my thoughts, her smile wide as she points towards a fabric with fervor. But she doesn't bother to show me what she's chosen for my wedding dress. In our community, it's tradition for the mother of the bride to sew the dress, and I can see how thrilled she is at the prospect, as if she's suddenly found a purpose.

"Can I see it?" I sign faking interest.

"Sure, look. It’s simple, yet there’s a shine on it, just like you." I’m caught off guard by her compliment.

There’s love, somewhere in her heart, there is love for me. Even if I don’t understand how she can snap from ice cold to warm and gentle like now.

A part of her loves me, I know it.

Her fingers delicately grasp the fabric, and with a gentle motion, she manipulates it to catch the light. It glimmers, casting a mesmerizing glow that dances across the surface.

It should be a happy moment, between mother and daughter. Only this time the wedding isn’t a joyful occasion. I know what this fabric represents—binding me further to a fate I never chose. As my mother beams with pride, I suddenly feel guilty. She's found purpose in this task, she’s, well, content.

Why can’t I act the same way?

“Perfect,” I sign, forcing a smile and masking the turmoil within me, but inside, I'm screaming. I wish we had a better relationship, so I could have told her about my doubts and my fears. About how scared I am to fulfill my duty and how disconnected I feel from our community.

She wouldn't understand. After all, she’s the one who prepared the bath my father drowned me into the night of Mr Collins' punishment.

For now, all I can do is nod along, pretending that the fabric in my mother's hands holds the key to my happiness, while inside, I'm drowning with no one to turn to.

Well, maybe not no one.

Last week, when he told me about our leader, when he took that commanding tone I didn’t know he could have, I felt it in my bones, like a hammer crushing me with a truth I was not ready for.

Could it be true?

The community, our leader, our rules and traditions. Could it all be… a lie?

I need time to think, but I’m running out of it, each day pulling me closer to the wedding. I have the strange feeling that something massive is going to happen, like a storm brewing on the horizon, ready to unleash its fury and reshape everything I've ever known.

Can I go through with this marriage? What if I got out? What if I was out there, in this world, wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a man like Vox by my side.

No, no, I can’t allow that kind of thinking. It’ll only make me miserable, and how could I even break free?

He did say he would be there for you in a heartbeat, a voice in my mind whispers.

Running away would mean losing everyone and everything I’ve ever known. I know what they do to people who get out of the Faithful Lambs. They’re not allowed in anymore, shunned from the community forever.

Could I handle it?

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