Page 17 of Whispers of Fire

“You can not speak, you don't mingle with the other women and you think a bit too much.” His last remark burned me more than I can admit.

I don't think too much. I think about what seems wrong.

There's a difference.

“No man here can tame a girl like you. And I don't want to have a ticking time bond parading in our community like a little liar. You need a real man to keep you on the right track,” he says harshly.

What? A liar?

My parents are shocked, my mom putting her palm on her chest, while my father's jaw drops on the floor.

“You will be marrying me, Rose. And I expect you to carry as many children as your womb can create.”

The world closes down on me, crushing my body and my soul in the process.

The Shepherd, our revered leader, taking me as his bride?

The very notion fills me with a bone-deep terror that paralyzes me. It's as if the ground beneath me has crumbled away, leaving me stranded in a sea of uncertainty and fear. I struggle to maintain my composure, but every fiber of my being rebels against the idea, recoiling from the thought of being bound to the Shepherd for eternity, a sixty year old man, more scary than my worst nightmare.

I want to shout, cry, or do anything to stop this reality from happening. But I’m powerless, like a lamb being led to the slaughter. And as the weight of my impending fate bears down on me, I can't help but wonder if there's any escape from the Shepherd's grasp, or if I'm destined to be his bride, bound to him in body and soul forever.

A voice in my head tells me that I must stay and obey; it’s what I was raised for.

“We are humbled by your kind gesture, Oh Shepherd. Rose will make the most marvelous wife and mother,” my father says with a large grin. He then pushes my mother's side with his elbow, allowing her to talk. She keeps her eyes down, but I can see as her hands shake that this idea unsettles her a bit.

“Wh-what an honor you make on, hum, our family, Oh Shepherd,” she says with her small voice. The Shepherd stops exploring the room and comes back to stand in front of me.

“Are you happy, Rose?” Grabbing my chin roughly, he makes me look into his eyes.

I nod, fighting back the tears, my brain frozen by the fear. I've seen him flogging a six-year-old for being late at the Sunday ritual, so I won’t try to make him angry. He smiles, getting closer to me, before murmuring in my ear, “Soon, Rose, soon your body will be mine.”

I freeze, trying as hard as I can to dissociate myself from this moment. I’m not here, I’m in my garden, with Vox, and we’re talking, I mean, I’m gardening while he watches me and perhaps, perhaps he would tell me about his biker life and all would be good in the world.

But I’m not in my garden. I’ve got a hand on me and black and white spots threatening me to make me pass out. I should be glad; it is an honor to marry the Shepherd. Our family will be even more admired and respected.

Only the idea of spreading my thighs for this old man makes me want to gag, and the more the idea sinks in, of this being my future, the more I feel the rise of a volcano in my chest.

One that has been sleeping for too long and perhaps needed a reminder to stay awake.

There’s something wrong with my life, I can feel it.

This is not normal.

But I need to fulfill my destiny and follow my leader's wishes. It’s what I was made for, right?

The drive back home is fast, my father talking non-stop about all the wedding preparation we must plan. My mother answers him while keeping a nervous eye on me now and then.

When we park in front of our house, I’m even more disappointed to not see Vox’s motorcycle.

He is still not home. Where could he be?

I… I need to see him.To know that there’s still good people on this earth who don’t want to hurt or use me.

I go straight to my room after removing my shoes in the entry. My mother follows me and closes the door once she’s in my room. Her eyes are wide, and her breathing quickens. She’s pacing in the room, which is unusual given her calm and discrete nature. I sit on my bed, watching her.

“It’s… it’s an honor, Rose. I’m, I’m so happy for you,” she says in a worried tone.

Is she worried about me? That would be a first.

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