Page 89 of Keeping Ruby

Pavel touches a hand to the small of my back. “The pharmacy is that way.”

My nose is beginning to burn, and my hands are trembling now. My feet—well, they’re rooted to the floor.

Then, with a steely breath, I set my shoulders and march into the aisle with Pavel on my heel.

I stop in front of the wall of pregnancy tests, and pluck two double packs from the shelf. Pavel’s eyes slide to me and stay there. I feel emotion swell behind my eyes and will myself not to cry.

Seeing it, Pavel softens. “Hey…”

“Don’t tell him.”

“Fuck, Ruby—I can’t do that.”

“I want to tell him—if—if it is positive. I want to do it, okay?”

He gives me a careful nod, and I spin on my heel and march back down the aisle. On my way to the register, I grab a tub of gummy bears and brick of white chocolate.

If it’s positive, like I fear it will be, I’m going to need something to drown my sorrows in. Because as much as I’ve always wanted to be a mother—I’m not sure this is the kind of life I should be bringing a child into.

I suppose I should have thought of that before I slept with my husband.

Forty-Two

Ruby

Pavel is nicer than he looks. After the drugstore ordeal, and I sat quietly, a blink away from sobbing in the back seat, he pulled the car through a drive through, ordering a large apple pie blizzard for me—and because I grumped about not wanting to eat alone, he ordered Maxim’s request for a fudge brownie blizzard, and a banana cream pie one for himself.

Banana cream pie ice cream, though…yuck.

I’ve now been pacing the bathroom for the last hour. About five minutes ago, I got the nerve to pee on the first stick. I haven’t yet wrangled the nerve to look at it, however.

The sound of men’s voices boom from the floor below, kicking me into action. I flip the stick and see—two pink lines.

Oh, God…no.

I cover my belly with my hand, fear and desperation bleeding into a love I know will only grow.

I tip my face up to the ceiling, letting my eyes close as I pray, “Let me be safe and healthy and strong for this baby, God. Please, please let me be worthy of this new life.”

I shove the positive stick back into the box, and shove both boxes into the back of the cabinet. Then I adjust my dress, sweep fresh powder on my face, and pray I won’t start crying again as shaky legs carry me from the bedroom, down the stairs, and into the kitchen where Kirill stands with Dimitri, Pavel, and Maxim.

The entire kitchen goes quiet at my arrival, but every man looks grim. My eyes connect with Pavel’s, and I frown. Did he tell him?

I feel betrayed at the possibility, but as I stare at him, he gives me a subtle shake of his head. I sigh a breath of relief, before my eyes land on Kirill—who clocked the entire silent exchange.

Shoot.

“Wife.” His voice is hard. “You left the house today.”

“I did.” I lift my chin.

“For what?”

“My stomach has been bothering me. I was going to talk to a pharmacist—but I just bought chocolate and candy instead.”

I think his lips twitch. His eyes drop to my belly before they lift to mine. My heart, though, skips at least three beats. My breath stalls. Does he know?

Of course, he doesn’t know. How could he possibly know? I’ve only just begun to suspect.

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