Page 51 of Never Too Late

Because my home isn’t a place, it’s him.

And in his arms, is where I want to stay.

We stay locked in each other’s embrace for an hour. Neither of us speak, neither of us try to let go. Instead, our bodies come closer.

It’s as though both of us are too afraid of letting go because we don’t know what will happen when we do.

Will he disappear?

What if I wake up and this is all just a dream?

The sun is now hiding away, not as bright as before, with the wind picking up slightly. But it’s still nice enough to sit outside. Any weather is nice enough to sit outside when it isn’t raining.

“Do you want to go inside the house, Dax? It’s starting to get cold out here.”

“No, I’m okay. I just want to stay here,” I whisper into his neck.

I’m scared to move in case this is all a dream.

“Do you want me to go get a blanket for you? One of my jackets? You’re starting to shiver.” His voice is laced with concern.

He’s right. I am starting to shiver. But it’s not the weather making me shiver, it’s the panic. The anxiety. The fear.

“I’m okay,” is all that comes out.

“You’re not. Hold on, I’m going to carry you inside with me, okay? We can go sit in the living room.” It isn’t long before he stands and I move my arms from his waist to around his neck, holding on tighter than I ever have before while wrapping my legs around his waist, being wary of his wound, not wanting to hurt him again.

It only takes a few moments for Jae to place me down on a sofa and as he sets me down gently, I take a moment to look around. His living room and kitchen are combined, with large windows where you can watch the flowers from inside. “Wow,” is the first thing that comes from my mouth when he moves to the side so I can take in the view completely. And it’s breathtaking. More so than being in the field itself. The inside walls are shades of white and cream, contrasting against the brown beams supporting the ceilings, and stone compliments the neutral tones. It isn’t something I would imagine Jae would go for in a house, but at the same time, it’s everything I thought he would. The open spaces and the fields of green are exactly what he needs after leaving the army.

He deserves the peace after all the hurt he’s endured. The army was everything to him. He was proud of the work he did there, he enjoyed it. My heart aches that things are different now.

He comes to view after getting us another bottle of water from the fridge and bends down towards the log burner to start a fire. It doesn’t take him long, it’s obvious he’s mastered how to work it. The smell quickly fills the room. The burning wood mixed with his distant smell of caramel. When he’s confident with the flame, he takes a seat on the opposite sofa from me, and instantly, I have a sudden feeling of loss. My thoughts must be as loud as they are in my mind because after he looks my way, he smirks and then comes to join me.

But he keeps a small distance between us.

“You look good Dax -” Before he could finish what he was saying, I become hostile. Too scared of rejection. Too scared of the truth.

I burst into tears, unable to control myself.

Unable to stop.

“Hey, pretty boy. No, no, don’t cry.” He moves closer to me, wrapping one arm around me, again pulling me into his body.

But it doesn’t stop the tears.

He brings me back into his lap, just how he did when we were outside, and starts rocking me back and forth whispering words of kindness and love in my ear.

Everything I don’t deserve.

The words, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe,” are the last thing I hear before complete darkness encompasses my mind.

Chapter twenty-nine

Jae

“I’m most excited for when you come home, and we can start looking for a house. I’d love an old cottage. Nothing too big, nothing too small. Just enough space for both of us. Maybe a small pet?”

After Dax fell asleep on the sofa, I carefully carried him to the spare bedroom upstairs. His body looked so fragile in my arms, it’s obvious he hasn’t been taking much care of himself lately. Tyler mentioned his brother hasn’t been himself, but I didn’t imagine things would be like this. But still, he’s in my arms and he is safe. That’s all I care about.

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