Page 74 of Never Too Late

Because right now, I hate myself, too.

“I don’t know who you are when you’re like this. You’re like a completely different person. I will always care for you. You’re my brother. But right now, you’re not Dax.”

I don’t think I ve been him for a long time.

Pain, pain, pain.

He doesn’t say another word as he turns away to walk back towards the door, he doesn’t even look at me. With the photo of me and Mum still in his hand, he pulls the bedroom door open with such force, I think it’s close to coming from the hinges. He stops in the doorway for a few seconds, his shoulders drop, his head turns slightly to the side, and I notice him shaking it as though he’s talking himself out of saying something else. And he takes a step outside, slamming the door shut behind him.

My mind is in a complete state of shock. I don’t know what to do or know what to think. But the only thing my eyes are drawing attention to is the small box resting on my unit at the opposite side of the bed. Jae’s side. The small container, one of my most prized possessions, but now all I can see when I look at it is pain.

And before I know it, in an attempt to erase my feelings and thoughts about everything, especially Jae, I’m emptying the container onto the bed beside me and I’m ripping every letter I’ve ever written, old and new, one by one, into pieces.

Scattering them across the floor.

Reminding me of my shattered heart.

Chapter forty-one

Jae

“No one will ever compare to you. Not a single star in the sky. Not a single flower in a meadow. Nothing will ever compare to you.”

Guilt eats at me the moment Dax puts down the phone. I could hear in his voice he wasn’t okay.

The sadness in his tone penetrated me as harsh as the bullet did in my side.

I can always tell when he’s not okay.

I need him to be okay. He has to be okay.

I debate for several minutes whether to call Noah and tell him it’s not a good time for him to come, but like unwanted clockwork, he texts me telling me he’s just dropped by the services and only half an hour away.

I should feel happy that he’s coming. I am happy. He’s my brother and I’ve missed him. I owe him my life, but instead I’m left feeling nothing but sadness and regret because I have an idea that Dax feels uncomfortable with him coming. Like him and Isaac, the two of them have never seen eye to eye, but they have been civil around each other. As much as the two didn’t get on with one another, they tolerated each other because they knew how important they both were to me.

I should have thought about how this would have impacted Dax, it was selfish for me to agree the way I did, I should have spoken to him first.

I am such a fucking idiot.

To try and keep my mind occupied, I decide to go into the garden, but before I do so, I pick up my phone and send Dax a text.

Jae: I miss you, pretty boy. Remember to squeeze your tags when you need to and when you’re looking at the stars, remember I’m looking at them too x

Putting my phone away in the console table, I make my way outside. If I have it out I’ll check it every ten minutes, and if I notice he hasn’t texted back by then, I’ll most likely ring him and he probably doesn’t want to talk to me right now.

I just need him to be okay.

It doesn’t take long for the sky to grow dark; the wind starts to pick up, no longer allowing the flowers to gently dance in the breeze, but they blow side to side in anger.

But still, their beauty stands out.

Lifting my head looking into the distance, I can see a car turning towards the end of the field opposite the house, and I would be able to spot that Mini hatchback from anywhere.

Noah. In Isaacs’ shitty “sports car”.

Making my way towards the end of the path, I wait for him to approach the end of the road as he skids across the pebbles like he’s just won a race.

“Bet you missed me, didn’t you, Maje?” Noah says cheerfully, winding down the window.

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