Page 63 of Never Too Late

Everything. Nothing.

I gulp desperately, my mouth suddenly dry. I’m lost for words.

I don’t respond, I can’t.

It takes seconds before Jae is straddling me on the sofa, his knees on either side of my hips, slowly bringing his hands back to my face, the feeling on top of me is excruciating, yet delicious. The weight of his body on top of mine is always something I’ve welcomed. My hips thrust up of their own volition, trying to soothe the ache that’s already started low in my balls.

He lowers himself a little more to find my hips and he grunts softly when our bodies slide against one another. “I’ve thought about having you back in my arms for so long, Dax. Everyday, from the moment I’ve woken up until the moment I’ve gone to sleep. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to prove this is real and you’re really here. I’m scared in case one day; I realise it’s all just a dream.”

His confession has my breath hitching.

My lips start to tremble, but at this moment, I feel strong enough to hold back the tears.

“It hurt me when you told me not to write anymore and that you were stopping. I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I wondered if there was someone else, if you got sick of me, if I was too much. If me being in the army was too much. I lost a part of me that day. But since I’ve come back here and I’ve got you back, I feel whole again. I don’t feel like that part is missing anymore. You complete me, Dax.” His eyes soften and his cheeks warm as he continues to speak, “I know we have a past. Both together and individually. But that’s not what’s important to me right now. It’s your future, and me being in it. That’s what I want.”

“But I’m broken. You don’t want me. I hurt you.”

“You’re not broken, Dax. You just need a little help finding your way back. I didn’t come here so I could become friends with you again, I came here because I want a future with you. I didn’t know if you were even here, part of me hoped you were. You could go anywhere in the world, and I wouldn’t hesitate to follow you there.”

Don’t cry, Dax, don’t cry. You’re strong, remember, you’ve got this.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Jae. I didn’t mean to stop writing to you, I didn’t mean to tell you to stop. I got so used to being around you and when you were gone, I couldn’t think straight. You took a part of me with you.” My body is almost trembling. If I didn’t have him sitting on top of me right now, controlling me, I wouldn’t be able to sit up straight.

You can’t run away this time, Dax, you’ve said what you’re thinking in your mind out loud.

It’s real.

“Hey, pretty boy, don’t apologise, please. You have nothing to say sorry for. I’m okay, you’re okay. We’re here, we’re together. That’s all that matters, yeah? What happened, happened. We can’t change the past. But we can be in control of the future. And I’m here to stay. I’m not going anywhere; I’m not leaving again.”

He takes my hand and brings it to the tags around my neck.

“I can feel your body trembling. Remember what I told you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed you squeeze.” He closes my fingers around the tag with his hand on top. “One, two, three.”

I notice he isn’t wearing his own, but I don’t question where they are. He has just gotten out of the shower; he’s probably just forgotten to put them back on.

“It’s getting late now. Let’s head up to bed, pretty boy.” He presses a kiss to my nose.

I don’t say anything, I just smile. He climbs down and holds out his hand, wanting me to take it, and he leads me upstairs.

In the bedroom, the air around us both, suddenly feels humid and thick.

The tension between us both, building higher and higher.

The fire returns to his eyes as they slowly become hooded. He looks starved.

For me.

I don’t acknowledge I’ve moved until I’m now standing in front of him, slowly moving my hand to his chest.

Everything about this man is a work of art, the scars on his body from being on field, the way his chest moves in and out when he’s breathing, the way he loses his words, unable to say anything.

Because of me.

As though the current that runs between the two of us sparks, my brain starts to work overtime.

Jae leaving made me relive the loss I had when I lost my mum. I was grieving for two people.

But I hadn’t lost him at all.

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