Page 50 of Never Too Late

It’s easier when you avoid eye contact.

And I allow the endless thoughts to swirl.

He was hurt, he could have died, he’s here now, but what if he doesn’t want me anymore?

How do you apologise to someone when you don’t understand why you did something in the first place?

“Hey, pretty boy, give me those ocean eyes.”

I listen to his demand.

“What’s wrong, Dax? I know it’s overwhelming. If you don’t feel up for this right now, we can talk tomorrow, or next week. Whenever suits you. We have all the time in the world. I’m not going anywhere.”

But he doesn’t want me. How can he say he isn’t going anywhere?

My lips are trembling, body shaking.

“Can I hold you, please?” he asks with a sadness in his voice. I don’t deserve him to be so kind to me. I hurt him.

That’s what I do. I hurt people.

I hurt him, I hurt Tyler.

I should say no. I should stand up and walk away at this moment. I know I should. I should push him away. I should push myself away. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t help but be selfish. He knows I’m not a fan of close contact, but I shock myself twice as much. Without saying a word, I quickly nod once, to which he holds his arms out instantly, pulling me close to him. I bring my head in close, tucking it into his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and I feel like I can finally breathe.

I take both arms, wrapping them around him, holding on as tightly as I can. Unable to let go. He does the same, wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him until I’m sitting on his lap.

But he doesn’t want you back, Dax. You hurt him. You’ll hurt him again.

The words ring in my ear like the chime from a grandfather clock. Taunting me. Getting louder and louder each time in my head.

I squeeze harder and he lets out a harsh breath of pain as I touch his side.

Fuck, his wound.

“I’m so sorry sun- Jae. I’m so sorry.” I pull my arm away from his side, feeling so close to combustion. Feeling the need to cry and beg and plead.

Beg for the forgiveness I don’t deserve.

Beg for the forgiveness he clearly doesn’t want to give me.

He’s just comforting you because you’re sad, Dax. He doesn’t like it when you’re sad. He’s just making sure you’re okay. He’s a nice guy. This is what he does. He protects people. You’re just another person he’s protecting, nothing more.

I can’t hurt him any further. I attempt to pull my second arm away, worried I’m causing him pain. But he doesn’t allow me, he holds it in place almost as though he’s as afraid of letting go as I am.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

I’m saying the words in my mind, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t make them come out.

He’s always been so good with understanding what I need before I’m able to know for myself. I wonder if he knows I’m sorry, too?

Everything else around us disappears. I can no longer hear the sound of the flowers swaying in the wind. No longer hear the rustle of leaves from the trees blowing across the ground. No longer hear the birds chirping in the trees. It’s as though time has come to a halt and the only thing that matters right now, is me being wrapped in his arms. Him protecting me. Him saving me.

Maybe this is what I’ve needed all along.

The way my body fits against his like a missing piece of a puzzle. Together, we became whole.

I nuzzle my face deeper, bringing it to the crook of his neck, inhaling his masculine scent. Making me feel as though I am finally home.

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