Page 48 of Never Too Late

“Pretty boy, did you hear what I just said?” he asks again.

He stays a distance from me, but he’s close enough that I can smell the aroma of his cologne mixed with his natural scent drifting towards me from the gust of wind that blows by, but far enough I can’t reach out and touch him. He quickly lifts his hands up and waves them in front of my face, in aim to get my attention.

“Yeah, sorry. I heard. Tha -” He inches forward, his closeness making me stop what I was saying.

But still not close enough.

“No, you don’t need to thank me.” Now it’s his turn to look at the ground, somewhat hiding his face. I notice his hands start rubbing the side of his arms, I know him well enough to know he’s also feeling uncomfortable. “Thank you for coming back after I scared you away.” He slowly lifts his head again and smiles directly at me. He turns to point to a bench underneath the window frame at the bottom of the garden. “Do you want to go sit on the bench over there, I’ll go get us some water. I won’t be long.”

“Yeah, sure, thank you,” I reply, my voice getting quieter towards the end of the sentence.

We both turn to face the bottom of the garden, slowly walking towards the bench. Once reached, I take a seat as he rushes inside to get us both a drink. I can understand why Jae lives here.

It’s peaceful and calm, away from busy roads and the high street. I can see him being happy here.

It’s what he deserves after everything. After what I put him through.

I just can’t help but wonder, could he be happy with me again, too?

Chapter twenty-seven

Jae

“I was riding through the back roads today and I saw a field of sunflowers. I stopped to take a photo for you. I’ve stopped to take many photos for you. I can’t wait for you to come back so I can show you.”

I pace around the kitchen, walking back and forth multiple times, unsure of what else to do. My mind won’t stop overthinking, my body can’t control itself. I’m unsure of what to think or do because Dax is sitting right outside of my house. On my bench. In my garden. Only a few metres away from me.

Think Jae, think.

But I can’t.

I have spent months hoping, somehow, someway, he would come back into my life. I’ve wanted this for so long, and the moment he does, I feel paralysed. No longer in control of my body. How am I supposed to act calm around him when all I want to do is pick him up and cradle him in my arms? I have an essay memorised in my mind of what I wanted to say to him when I finally got to see him again, everything I want to do to him and at this very moment, I’ve forgotten it all.

I quickly debate ringing Bee and asking for advice, but at the same time, I don’t want to speak to anyone else. I don’t want to hear the sound of anyone else’s voice, I don’t want to acknowledge anyone else’s existence.

I just want him.

I need him.

But I’m also scared he doesn’t want or need me anymore.

After grabbing a few bottles of water from the fridge, I take another moment to attempt to collect my thoughts, thinking if I’m in need of anything else. I didn’t ask if he was hungry and wanted something to eat, maybe I should have prepared some food. The thought of food rattles through my empty stomach, but as good as sounds, I don’t think I could eat anything right now. When I’ve decided I don’t need to collect anything else, I slowly start to make my way towards the front door. I'm thankful my house is open-plan, allowing me to see the front door from the kitchen, but I’ve never wished more for something to separate me and that door so much before. Both shaking with anticipation and feeling as though I could throw up at any moment now, I grab a shirt from the pile of clean clothing I left at the bottom of the stairs waiting to be taken up. The bench is hidden from the sun so it will probably be breezy. I need to cover myself.

Taking in a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds before exhaling, I grip the door handle with my nervous palm and open it, praying I’m still the soldier Dax thought I always was.

Quietly padding my feet across the floor, I try my hardest not to distract Dax from the moment he is in. The door is to the side of the bench, so thankfully, he doesn’t see me coming. But from what I can see of Dax, he’s sat watching the sunflowers with awe. He’s always loved flowers, which explains why he has so many of them tattooed on the planes of his skin. He has always appreciated the beauty of nature, exactly like I’ve always been one to appreciate the beauty of him.

I’m not too far away from him that I can hear the low sounds of music coming from his headphones. I can’t make out the song, but I think I have an idea.

From the first day I met him, he’s always been open and honest about his love for music. He’s always struggled with his feelings and emotions, especially how to translate them into words, but he’s always been able to rely on music to help him with that. I’ve always adored that about him. The way he admires something so simple to others, and how they bring him a comfort not many understand. It only made me love him more.

I still love him.

I just wish I could scream that to him right now.

I know I have so many questions to ask, I need answers. But with him sitting here, in front of me, those questions fade. The answers are no longer wanted. They no longer matter. All that matters right now is him and that he’s here.

Everything else can wait.

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