Page 102 of Never Too Late

Good morning to us.

The brothers have decided to keep the shop closed for today – it’s a bank holiday here so most shops are closed anyway. Bernie rang me this morning, telling me he isn’t opening just in case I decided to come in. So instead, the two of us have been out in the garden for the last hour. It’s nice to have him help me prepare the ground for some new bulbs Bernie had sent me home with from the shop yesterday.

I’ve decided today, I’m going to give him the letters I continued to write after he told me not to. He deserves to see them, and he deserves even more to know, he still hasn’t mentioned anything else about the assessment and I haven’t wanted to bring it up to him in case he isn’t ready to talk about it.

I’m ready for when that time comes.

However, he needs me.

He’s happiest when he’s outside in the flowers, so I decide this is the perfect place for me to give him the letters, so he can read them surrounded by the beauty around him.

He has his headphones in, blocking the world out around him. Which I’m used to, it’s something he’s always done. He looks up often to make sure I’m still there and to remind me he hasn’t blocked me out. Even though he’s sat listening to music, I notice the hand gesture he’s doing at intervals. Him and Tyler have been learning Makaton in the shop, knowing that’s how Theo communicates, they want to make sure he’s comfortable in the shop so they’ve both taken an interest in learning after Novah gave Tyler some booklets from school. I had never heard of Makaton before until I heard them speaking about it. I knew about Sign Language, but Makaton is somewhat different. At first, I thought the two of them might have been the same thing, but the more I read the booklets from Novah, the more I realised I was wrong. With Theo struggling with communication, Makaton allows him to be able to communicate in a way that works best for him, while he can still listen to the words being said around him. Whereas, if he struggled with his hearing, Sign Language would have been the better option.

It’s heartwarming hearing them talk about the young brothers, especially after Tyler has mentioned how much parts of Theo remind him of Dax at times.

Slowly coming up behind him, I remove one of the earphones from over his ear, I press a kiss to the side of his neck on top of the rose tattoo. “Just going to get us some water,” I say, followed by another kiss in the same place. He nods as he places the earphone back over his ear, returning to watching the flowers swaying in the breeze.

Quickly walking into the house, my body starts to fill with nerves.

Will he be mad for keeping the letters from him for so long?

But the nerves quickly start to wash away, with excitement taking over.

I’ve moved the letters in my metal tin into the bottom drawer in my unit when Dax started to stay over. Thankfully I hid them well enough because he hasn’t managed to find them. Reaching for the tin, I carefully take it out and the nerves return slightly, but now they’re combined with the excitement.

He’s not the only one who sometimes struggles to say the things he feels.

Hesitantly making my way outside, I notice Dax has now moved to the bench underneath the window, and I approach him with leery footsteps. He must sense that I’m walking towards him because like clockwork, he lifts his head up, meeting my eyes with his own.

“I thought you were going to get some water?”

Fuck.

“I’m sorry, I forgot. There’s something I actually want to show you instead if that’s okay?”

He takes the headphones off completely, giving me his whole attention as he moves over on the bench, creating a space for me to sit down next to him.

“I know how upset you’ve been about ripping up the letters I wrote to you and the unsent ones you’d written to me. And I’m sorry I haven’t told you this any sooner.” I take my eyes away from him, staring at the tin on the bench between us, I can feel the goosebumps forming on my skin, I can feel his eyes upon me.

I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“What’s in the tin?” he asks in a confused tone.

“Well, you’re not the only one who kept writing. I did too. Everyday. Even when you told me not to. I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I think it was the only thing that got me through being out there.” My voice becomes quieter, I feel it starting to break. The overwhelming feeling of sadness that I felt when I read the letter he wrote telling me not to write back, flushes over me. “I think it’s the only thing that helped me survive.” My body starts to shake as I feel his hands come to mine. “Breathe with me, sunshine, okay? One… Two… Three.” My shoulders start to relax and my body fills with pride as he starts to use the same breathing techniques that I use on him.

He brings my hands to his mouth, gently placing a kiss on my knuckles.

After taking in a deep breath, I carry on speaking. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. Really losing you. I didn’t want to come home if you weren’t there for me to come home too. So I pretended like that last letter didn’t exist. I just carried on writing to you like normal. I pretended as though they were being sent, when instead, the guys were placing them into this tin.”

I look up, meeting his gaze to see that he’s crying. I take his chin with my hand, rubbing the skin with my thumb, catching the tears dropping down his face. I then slowly move in, catching them with my lips instead.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Jae. I don’t know what came over me.” He trembles. “I didn’t mean it. I wish I never wrote it. Please forgive me.”

Without a thought, I pull him in, wrapping my arms around him.

“It’s okay, we’re okay.”

“Can I – can I read them?” His bottom lip shakes.

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