Page 84 of Freshman

“I just—I don’t want to know how, but why. There’s got to be a reason.”

There was no answer, and Alfie pulled the phone from his ear to make sure they were still connected.

“I want to trust you,” Alfie whispered.

“You can.”

“How do I know that after you have sex with me on the beach, you won’t drown me in the sea? How do I know after having me in front of the fire, you won’t burn me in the flames?”

“Woah, stop it.”

Alfie shook his head. “How do I know you won’t slit my throat after tying me up and making me beg?”

Nate sighed. It didn’t sound impatient, more of a sad exhale of air. “I’d never hurt you.”

Alfie squeezed his stinging eyes shut. “But how do I know you didn’t say that to them before you killed them?”

“Those men I killed deserved it.”

“But why?”

There was another long silence, and Alfie rubbed the heel of his hand on his eyes. They were closed, but moisture still escaped and clung to his lashes.

The phone hissed with Nate’s exhale. “I’m not doing this.”

“Don’t hang up!”

Nate growled, and the hairs on Alfie’s neck shot up. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Please, you’re tearing me apart. This situation is tearing me apart. I need to know you’re not a monster, that you’re not evil. There has to be a reason.”

“Have I done anything to you that makes you think I’m evil?”

“Not to me, but that file. What you did to those men, your own dad. I don’t know specifics, but I know it was bad.”

“Yes, it was bad, what I did, but they deserved it. They hurt someone. They did unforgivable things to that person.”

“Who?”

Alfie could hear Nate’s heavy breathing, imagined his nostrils were flaring with each forceful exhale.

“My little sister,” he growled. “I didn’t know what they were doing to her. They were clever, convinced her no one would believe her. When I found out, I wanted them dead. I wanted them to pay for what they did to her, and I wanted to give her closure. I wanted her to feel safe, and I wanted her to know they suffered. And they did suffer.”

“Everyone thinks you did it for no reason, that you’re a monster. If there’s a reason, then why not—”

“That is not my story to tell,” Nate snapped. “It’s hers, and she doesn’t want people to know. She’s happy now. She has a family. A husband, a kid. She didn’t ask me to do what I did…and maybe I try to convince myself I did it for her, but in reality I made it about me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I let her down. I didn’t know what those animals were doing to her, and when I found out, I had to destroy them. It was all I could do. She doesn’t want anything to do with me because that was my reaction to finding out, not rushing to her side but slaughtering the people who abused her. The only friendly face I see is my nana who doesn’t even know who I am, but it’s what I deserve for letting my sister down twice.”

“What happened to her wasn’t you—”

“Don’t,” Nate said with warning. “I might not be the monster people think I am, but I still am one. I accepted that I’d be locked up in Larkwood for the rest of my life, and I’d been there five years, had…become acclimatised. I forgot what it was like to want anything, to feel anything, but then I saw you, and I thought, I should be in a place like this, but you shouldn’t. You have your life ahead of you, and you’re wasting it with scumbags.”

Alfie frowned. “It’s a job. I needed one, and it was right there.”

“Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?”

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