Page 45 of Jonathon, After All

Leo nodded, hushing him. “I won’t have any choice, mein Liebster. You will have my heart and I’ll be waiting for you to return it. And I will sneak into London to see you as soon as it’s safe. I’ll come as often as I can.”

“Okay.” Jonathon had agreed shakily, scared as he felt the odds stacking up against them. “What if I can’t do it and I need you, Leo? What if I decide I don’t care about my life if you’re not in it.”

“Then, get word to me or Sabine and we’ll come up with something else.”

“You’ll come back for me?”

“I promise. I love you and will always want you, Jonathon.”

As the years passed, Jonathon would convince himself that it had all been a cruel game and that Leo had been lying. Now, it seemed that Leo had been in the dark as well and oblivious as to what was happening in Jonathon’s life.

Instead of feeling hopeful or relieved, Jonathon was devastated to learn that he had degraded and humiliated himself for no reason. And Leo had been unhappy as well, so it had been all the more pointless. They had both been incompetent in allowing Sabine to come between them so easily. But as Muriel had pointed out, Leo wasn’t a young man at Schönbühel. He was thirty and had far more experience in general and could have tried harder to leverage his new power to save them.

Leo might not have been the heartless villain Jonathon had cast him as, but that didn’t absolve him or make up for the past. No matter what Sabine might have said or done, Leo should have believed in them and the promises they had made to each other.

“I waited for you, Leo. Even when I didn’t want to. It shouldn’t have taken this damn long,” Jonathon said under his breath while climbing out of the vent. His hands were shaking as he wiped them on his jeans, he was so bitter at Leo and himself. “None of this would have happened if we had trusted anyone other than Sabine.”

He muttered several curses at himself and Leo as he left 6A via his bathroom window and climbed the fire escape up to the 8th floor, still incensed when he hopped down onto Milo Ashby’s balcony.

“Did you learn anything good?” Luna asked when she slid the glass door open for him, but Jonathon shook his head.

“Nothing good, I’m afraid. I’m off to burn these clothes and take a shower.”

Fourteen

Jonathon had snuck back into 6A in the middle of the night to leave another note. His conscience had gotten to him and he missed Muriel too. He felt terrible for making her worry, but Jonathon needed more time to think and he didn’t want to be pressured in either direction. He also felt just a little safer, two floors further out of Leo’s reach.

Not that Leo would ever physically hurt or threaten Jonathon, but seeing him again was dangerous. Especially if Jonathon hadn’t made peace with the past and thought through his answer. His brain would shut off as soon as their eyes met.

If Leo touched Jonathon?

Game over.

While he was still furious, Jonathon was beginning to understand how they had been manipulated and felt a great deal of sympathy for Leo as well. But that sympathy came with its own sickly, sour flavor that Jonathon wasn’t sure he should swallow.

Muriel had been right in that Jonathon should have trusted her more, and Leo should have stood up for them and himself. The idea that Leo had sacrificed not just them, but so much of his own well-being and happiness was like rubbing salt in Jonathon’s wounds because it had truly been for nothing. All of it: the lost years, their shared heartache, and Jonathon’s descent into depression, drugs, and debauchery.

He could easily forgive Leo for falling for Sabine’s schemes because Jonathon had as well, but to lose faith so quickly and to simply give up? At least, Jonathon had done something and had refused to accept the loss and move on. He never stopped fighting, even when he didn’t think he wanted Leo anymore. Jonathon was just too mad and too stubborn to forget a man like Leo or a snub like that.

But he didn’t move on and he didn’t forget me…

That was something and Jonathon could feel several old wounds healing and scars within him regenerating while he lounged in Milo’s bathtub. Jonathon was wearing a white T-shirt and gray boxer briefs as he basked in the sunlight. The rain had cleared for a while and Jonathon couldn’t resist when he came in to brush his teeth. The tub looked so warm and bright, in front of the window and glowing with the sun. He climbed in and was immediately soothed so he decided to stay and recharge in the light while he pondered his next move.

The longer he pondered and the warmer Jonathon got, the more inclined he was to meet with Leo, just to hear him out. Jonathon needed to know how Leo could have lost faith so quickly and believed what Sabine had told him. And why would Leo have suffered for so long when he could have put an end to it whenever he had wanted by simply finding Jonathon on Instagram and sending him a message?

There was also the question of what Leo wanted. Why was he so keen to find Jonathon? Was he expecting an apology? If so, Leo could hold his breath until he turned into a man-sized apfelstrudel. It didn’t seem likely that Leo would still be interested in rekindling their affair, after all the time that had passed and all that Jonathon had done.

Which meant that closure was the most likely reason. Jonathon wasn’t sure if he owed Leo anything, but decided he would like some closure for himself. Maybe then, Jonathon could put Leo behind him and find a less exhausting identity to inhabit. And with the truth out and his reputation completely demolished, there was a chance Jonathon could fade into obscurity and carve out a quiet life for himself.

He couldn’t hide with the Ashbys forever, but his time in their soft sanctuary had given Jonathon an entirely new perspective on his life, despite being only a few floors up from 6A. Jonathon was extraordinarily lucky to have a best friend like Muriel. Anyone could have an eccentric overbearing aunt, but a true ride or die who supported you no matter what—even when you were being your absolute worst—was priceless.

When Jonathon was ready to go downstairs, he owed Muriel a monster of an apology for being an absolute monster for ten years. And he owed her an apology for not having faith in her when they were at Schönbühel. She had certainly proven her worth their last morning there.

Even Jonathon had been amazed by Muriel’s shrewdness and cunning as the matter with Herr Weber was brought to a startling conclusion. It began when the housekeeper, Frau Fischer, hurried into the dining room, breathless and blushing as she curtsied next to Leo.

“I beg your pardon, Herr von Hessen. There is a detective here to see you.”

“A detective?” Leo and Sabine both echoed and she nodded.

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