Page 32 of Bad Blood

I push myself to the point of exhaustion. Every day, rain or shine. But today is different. It’s not helping like usual. No matter the torture I put myself through, it does nothing to clear my mind. The more I try to ignore it, the more it suffocates me. I pace around the bench, hopping from foot to foot as I shake out my hands. The thrumming in my chest warns me to chill out before my heart explodes.

And I ignore it because I’m running out of creative ways to punish myself.

Bad things happen for a reason. And when it comes to Liam, I am the reason. My choices. My mistakes. I brought this on us. My thoughts aren’t rational, but there’s something about how trouble seems to follow me that ends up bad for anyone involved.

Being myself is exhausting.

No one to remind me of my failures and lack of awareness.

Self-loathing can keep a person busy, especially after all I’ve put Liam through and his concern over how I react to things.

I lie on the bench and shield my eyes with the back of my arm. I gasp for air while my muscles scream in protest.

Stars swim behind my eyelids. And I’m relieved by the momentary escape from reality.

The muffled ring of my phone brings me back from the brink of a blackout. I let it ring again, trying to get a hold of myself before I answer.

I bring the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“What the actual fuck?”

I figured it would be my manager, but there’s no appeasing Bree, so I don’t try. “I forgot.”

“To call me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s no excuse.”

“I was busy.”

“With what?” There’s the telltale rustle of what could only be a bag of her favorite cereal—Lucky Charms.

I think back to the last time I was with a friend and how easy it was to use her body as a distraction. The fact that my run didn’t clear my mind like it usually does is a bit of a disappointment. “Who?” I correct, knowing damn well she hates when I tease her like this. I instantly regret it, knowing I’m an idiot and need to make better split-minute decisions before I speak.

“Let me stop you there,” she says, with an eye roll I can hear through the phone. “I don’t care. Why are you breathing like that? No, never mind, I don’t want to know.”

I bite back a laugh. “Running. I was fucking running.”

“That makes me feel better.” There’s a hint of relief in her tone. “I swear you only think with the head between your legs.”

I drop my feet to the ground and yank my tee over my head, using it to wipe the dripping sweat from my face. When I pull it away, a petite blonde I’ve never seen before jogs toward me, trying to catch my eye. The sight of a pair of bouncing double D’s catches my attention as she draws closer. I watch, in awe and give her a tight-lipped smile. I need a distraction, and I’m sure her body could do wonders to take my mind off things, but I’m not in the mood to make nice. She grins and I drop my gaze.

“—one simple task. Are you listening to me? This isn’t funny.”

My brain screeches to a halt. No, I’m not. And no, it isn’t.

Axel shakes, and water sprays all over me before he circles several times and sprawls into a wet lump beside the bench.

“Yes, damn,” I lie. Better to go with the flow than get my ass ripped. I don’t have the energy to figure out what Bree’s talking about. When she’s on one of her rants, I stop listening.

“If you don’t show up, they’ll stop requesting you.”

Work. Of course it has to do with work.

“I’ll be there.” I have no idea where there is, but if I listen for long enough, Bree will tell me again. It’s not about the end of the month photoshoot, but she always has something new on the horizon. I tune out a good part of our one-sided conversation as I plot the route to the nearest water fountain. My legs refuse to cooperate, and I stay seated.

“What are you going to do?”

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