Page 73 of Falling Like Stars

“I know, it’s fucking tacky. I just drank too much, and I can’t remember what happened, so I’d rather keep you safe.” He looks to me. “I’m sorry.”

My jaw works and I shake my head. “Zach…why are you sorry?”

“Because it’s more of the same bullshit. It’s Eva trying to wreck my life even after I cut her out. I don’t blame you if you’re pissed at me.”

“Zach, I’m not…” I say, and it’s hard to catch my breath. I’m so enraged at Eva I can barely speak. “What she did… Are you okay?”

He frowns. “Yeah, I’m okay. Maybe I should’ve had a checkup too, but I haven’t been with anyone. Haven’t wanted to be with anyone. This past month, all I could think about was you.”

He leans to kiss me, but alarm bells are going off in my heart. I pull back. “Zach…we should talk about this.”

“What’s to talk about?” he asks, his voice hardening. “It’s over. Finally.”

“Is it?” I ask. “You keep going from project to project, no breaks.”

“Yeah? And?”

“I just wonder if everything with Eva…how she hurt you…maybe it’s bothering you more than you know.”

My hypocrisy is jaw-dropping, but I’m too worried about him to care.

Zach shakes his head. “Being busy means I’m traumatized? I’m working.”

“I don’t know what it means, but you look exhausted, turning yourself inside out for all these roles.”

“That’s what I do.” He lets out a short breath, regrouping, and takes my hand in his. “Look, whatever happened that night…it’s no big deal. Doesn’t mean anything. Probably nothing happened—”

“Probably?”

He drops my hand and stands up to pace in front of the couch. “What do you want me to say? I’ve slept with her a thousand times. Not to mention, I’m twice her size. I could’ve stopped it. I would’ve stopped it.”

“You don’t know that. And anyway, if that were true, then why would you be cautious with me?”

“To protect you! Just in case I…got lost in the memories of a better time. I was drunk enough. It’s not a big deal.”

“You keep saying that. But it is, Zach. If she—”

“If she what? Fucking hell, Rowan, why are you so insistent upon planting damage in me that isn’t there? I can’t remember so it didn’t happen.”

“That’s not how that works—”

“It didn’t happen!” he thunders. “And since we’re on the subject of unspoken issues, let’s talk about why you won’t be seen in public with me. Why you’re hiding away like you always do.”

“I…I’m not hiding…”

“You’re perfectly fine now, is that it?” he asks, and I can hear he’s trying to be gentle amid his frustration. “You’re completely recovered from ten years of thinking that it’s your fault that…”

That I let Josh die.

The temporary peace has fled and now the pain is back. Only this time it isn’t a delicate little butterfly; it’s a blackhole, sucking in all the light and goodness of the past few days.

“That’s not it,” I say, and want desperately for that to be true. “The last time something went public between us, social media tore me apart.”

Zach shakes his head, disbelieving. “That’s just bullshit. It comes with the territory.”

“Your territory, not mine. And pardon me, I wasn’t aware that being called a whore was in the job description. You should’ve put that in your NDA.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he says, his voice low. “You don’t deserve it, but it’s just internet noise. And anyway, it would be different now.”

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