Page 88 of Falling Like Stars

Rowan laughs at my deadpan delivery, and I slide off the bed to pull on some clothes. “No doubt Mom’s got a big breakfast going, but I’ll buy you some time,” I say, and head to the door.

“Thank you, and Zach?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, Rowan.”

With all that I am.

Downstairs, my parents are in the kitchen, both working on breakfast. The scent of bacon wafts to the sunroom where my brother is sitting at a table set for five. He’s drinking coffee and rifling through the paper.

“In the last twenty-four hours,” he says without looking up, “I’ve been a bell boy, a drink server, a dinner dish-washer, and now a breakfast table-setter.” He heaves a sigh. “Next thing you know, Mom and Dad will take away my room and set me up in the cupboard under the stairs.”

“We don’t have stairs,” I say, taking the coffee press and pouring a mug. “But they’re in the kitchen right now, outfitting you with a French maid uniform.”

“That actually works for me.” Jeremy lets the paper drop. “So. Rowan.”

“What about her?” I pour some creamer into a cup.

“She’s great. We all love her. She’s very distinctly…not Eva.”

I grit my teeth. “Can we not?”

“We must,” Jeremy says, then lowers his voice. “I don’t know what finally got you to get rid of her, but I’m glad. We all are.”

“So thrilled to hear it’s a subject of discussion when I’m not around.”

“You’re surprised? We’re family.” Jeremy scrubs his hands over his face. “Look, you did your best to keep quiet about what it’s been like for you over the past few years, but we’re not blind. We saw how you became less and less happy, was as if it were draining out of you in direct proportion to how busy you made yourself, and how it led to fewer visits with us.”

“What do you want me to say, Jer?” I ask, keeping my voice down. “Things got shitty between us, and we fell apart. It happens.”

“And that’s it?”

“You need details?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jeremy says. “Preferably from you and not the fucking Scandal Sheet.”

I sigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited more. I’ve been working.” He starts to protest, but I cut him off. “But I promise I’ll do better. Because I’m better.”

“Because of Rowan.”

Yes, Rowan, who doesn’t throw things at my head…

The urge to tell him exactly what went down comes over me, but what good would that do? He’d just worry. Maybe tell our mother, and then she’d worry.

“Yes, because of Rowan and because I’m not with Eva,” I say. “And for a hundred other reasons that have nothing to do with my love life. There’s an Oscar on my toilet, for instance.”

Jeremy studies me, eyes narrowed. I feel like he can see right through me. He gets up and lays a heavy hand on my shoulder.

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. But Zach, someday I’d like to hear the rest. We can get good and drunk and let it all hang out. Okay?”

“Sure, man. We will.”

I take coffee to Rowan, through my family’s house that is filled with photos and heirlooms and the warmth that my parents bring to everything. Such a far cry from the glitter of Hollywood that can seem so damn cold and shallow. Jeremy’s right. I’ve been neglecting my family, not in direct proportion to my work, but in how bad things got with Eva. The worse it got, the less I could stand the idea of being here and spreading that poison to them.

“It’s over now,” I say, but it’s like reading lines in a script that’s still pages away from the end.

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