Page 78 of Falling Like Stars

Inside her place that is artsy and full of potted plants and natural light, I carry her to the bed that’s only steps away from the kitchen. I lay her down and extricate myself from her long enough to run a washcloth under some cold water. Kneeling beside her, I gently wipe her tears that keep coming. Her anguish is so potent and raw, it hurts my heart to look at her.

I’m about to ask her what happened when I realize I don’t need to. The pain she’s been holding in for years has finally broken free, and while it kills me to see her like this, I have to hope she needs it. A lancing of the wound to let the poison out.

Maybe you need this too…closure.

I don’t like where that thought wants to take me, so I ignore it. This isn’t about me, anyway. Rowan needs me. I sit with her, hold her hand, and tell her I’m here, over and over again, while I press the cloth to her skin. What I don’t tell her to do is stop crying. I let her be and make sure she knows that she’s not alone. That she’s not going to be alone, no matter what.

Eventually, her sobs subside into great hiccupping breaths. Her eyes, swollen and leaking, fall shut, and I lay the cloth against them.

“Sleep now, okay?”

She nods faintly but is still holding my hand tight. I let her keep it and sit with her as the shadows grow long and the day gives way to night.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I WAKE IN my bed, the studio dark but the city light from the windows casting a silvery glow. My head aches from crying so hard and for so long. My eyes don’t want to open. I can’t imagine how terrible I look, but Zach is still here, sitting on the floor next to my bed. He’s dozing; his chin rests on our clasped hands, like Jack from Titanic, freezing to death while Rose is safe on the door.

My heart aches that he’s here. That he stayed. Fresh tears well up and then fall. I don’t have the power to hold them in anymore, and I realize now, holding back pain never brought me anything but more pain. And seeing Zach’s sleeping face, I don’t want to hold anything back.

“Hey,” I whisper, my throat still thick and raspy.

His eyes open, and the smile that comes to his lips is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.

“Hey,” he says quietly. “How are you doing?”

“Better, I think,” I say. “Thanks to you, my meltdown was only witnessed by half of Culver City. Thank you for coming to get me.”

He smiles. “I was in the area.”

“What time is it?”

“Nearly seven,” he says, and winces. “I think my leg has fallen into a coma.”

“Come here.”

I scoot over on the bed, and Zach lies on his side, facing me. He brushes a lock of hair from my face, then traces his fingertips down my jaw. “I’m sorry for what I said the other night.”

“Me too,” I say. “Clearly, I was wrong. You could have any supermodel or actress you want, instead of this soggy, ugly-crying mess.” More tears fill my eyes and spill over. “But you’re still here. With me. Why?”

“Can’t you guess?” he asks gently. “Look, I don’t know where we stand but—”

“I’m falling in love with you,” I blurt. “That’s where I stand. You don’t have to say it back or say anything at all. And hearing that from someone who just had a breakdown over her old boyfriend is probably the last thing you want, but it’s true. I…I’m falling in love with you, Zach. How could I not? You make it so damn easy.”

Zach takes my face in his hands. “I’m falling in love with you, too.” His thumbs swipe the tears on my cheek. “That’s why I’m here, Rowan. There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

My swollen eyes fall shut and he pulls me into his arms. For the longest time, he just holds me against his chest, his lips on my forehead, and I sink into him. Boneless and exhausted and wrung out with grief.

“If we make this real,” I say against the soft cotton of his T-shirt, “they’re not going to be kind to me. I’m afraid I’m going to fail you.”

“You can’t fail me,” he says softly. “But I wish I could protect you from any ugliness.” He pulls back to meet my eyes. “Is it all too much right now?”

“No,” I say. “I’m done living a half-life. And no amount of internet trolling is worth giving you up.”

Zach’s eyes glint with mischief. “Stop the presses. Rowan Walsh just said something romantic.”

I give him a nudge. “I’d roll my eyes, but they’re too puffy.”

“You’re beautiful. Get some sleep.”

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