Page 101 of Falling Like Stars

Ten minutes later, there’s a knock at the front door that I’d left unlocked.

“Zach?”

“In here.”

Rowan approaches and stares down at me, hands on hips. She’s wearing jeans, white sneakers, and a green top. No black anymore; she’s in full Technicolor. I’m fucking crazy in love with her, and it might all be on the verge of imploding.

“What are we doing on the floor?” she asks and sits down cross-legged.

“I’m mentally planning how to furnish the house. Want to help?”

“Sure.”

Rowan lies down beside me. For a few moments, there’s silence as we lie still. Then our hands find each other’s and hold on, fingers entwined.

“This is bad.”

“Yes,” she says. “But it’ll pass.”

“Sure. Maybe in eighteen years,” I say with a sigh. “When I rented this house, I had the thought that it would be a great place for both of us. I was going to ask you to move in with me.”

“You were?”

I nod. “But now I might have a kid… Christ.” I turn to look at her. “Why are you still here?”

“I asked you that when I was crying my guts out, remember?” Rowan says, “so I’ll say the same thing to you that you said to me. Because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“I have to go see her tomorrow,” I say. “In Miami. To…I don’t know. See what’s real and what’s bullshit. Try to keep her from messing up your life too.”

“I told you, you don’t have to—”

“And I’m telling you that if I can do anything to protect your career, I’m going to do it,” I say sternly. “It’s the least fucking thing I can do.”

Rowan’s quiet for a moment, and then she curls into me, her leg over my hip, head on my shoulder, arm on my chest. “I hate that you have to go so far away. That you have to do this at all, but maybe having it out with her will help somehow.”

“Maybe,” I say. “But if it doesn’t, and it all gets to be too much, I’ll understand.”

Rowan raises her head, frowning. “Understand what?”

“If you don’t want to put up with this shit. I wouldn’t blame you.”

She sniffs dismissively, and curls against me tighter. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

For some reason, that simple declaration hits me harder than a big flowery speech.

My girl doesn’t do big flowery speeches.

I wrap my arms around her, press a kiss into her hair. “In that case, come live with me.”

“Do you really want that?”

“More than anything. If you’re going to ride this crazy train with me, you should at least get a really nice view.”

She laughs lightly. “Ohhh, I’m going to have the worst panic attack later.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s okay. It’s just part of the deal. Ten years’ worth of repressed guilt, regret, and grief has to come out. But I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow. I’m going to get through it, just like you’re going to get through it.” Rowan raises up on her elbow and strokes my cheek. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Zach. You’ve made my life a thousand times better. And if it turns out you’re a father, I have zero doubt you’ll be the best dad a kid could hope for.”

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