Page 5 of Remember Us This Way

Sweet baby Jesus. What has my mother been smoking?

“Oh, that would be amazing,” Maya says as my world crumbles around me. Not only am I going to see Noah Ryan tomorrow, but I’m actually going to have to talk to him. “I know it’s going to be hard for them both, but I really think this could be good.”

Mom purposefully looks over Maya’s shoulder, making it obvious I’ve walked into the kitchen. “Oh, here’s my little sweet pea now,” she says, placing her glass of wine on the counter and walking around to my side as Maya whips around with a wide, beaming smile. Mom throws her arms around me and squeezes my shoulders. “Honey, did you hear? Noah will be starting at East View with you tomorrow.”

I’m frozen to the spot, still trying to register the shock, but at the hopefulness in Aunt Maya’s gaze, I force down the fear and put on a big, fake smile. “Oh really?” I ask as Maya barges into me, throwing her arms around me in a tight hug. “That’s amazing news.”

“Sure is,” Maya says, pulling back and allowing me the chance to breathe. “I know he misses you.”

Liar. If he missed me, he wouldn’t have allowed three long years to pass without so much as a hello. Didn’t he know I was hurting too? I needed him just as much as he needed me.

“Let me guess. He got kicked out of another school?” I question, trying to sound casual even though I’m slowly dying inside. Just the thought of seeing his face again . . . I’m sure he’s changed so much over the past three years. When I saw him last, he had just turned fourteen, but he’s seventeen now, and he’s not a kid anymore. Not even close.

Maya laughs. “You know him too well.”

Ha. What a joke.

“What was it this time?” I ask, moving around the counter and pinching a freshly baked brownie off the cooling rack. “Burnouts on the football field or trashing a classroom?”

“Oooh, so close, but yet so far,” she tells me. “My hunk o’ hunk o’ burnin’ love decided it was a great idea to burn down the principal’s office.”

My eyes go wide, and I gape at Aunt Maya, certain I heard that wrong. “He did what?”

“Yup,” she says, just as horrified. “I was just telling your mom that I don’t know what to do with him anymore. Now, I know it’s a lot to ask, but with him starting at East View tomorrow, I wondered if you could help him settle in. He was always his best self when he was with you, so I hoped that maybe seeing you again would somehow reel him in because this is his last chance. I had to call his father to drop some money on a new office just to keep this from going to law enforcement.”

I cringe, hating my need to always be polite. “I’m not sure, Aunt Maya. That’s a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I don’t think I can just click my fingers and see the old Noah again. Besides, he wants nothing to do with me. Forcing us together . . . I don’t know if that’s going to be a good idea.”

Aunt Maya steps into me, taking my hand the same way Noah used to. “I know you have your hang-ups about seeing him again, and I completely understand. He hurt you, and I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. And if this is too much, if you don’t want to do it, then I won’t force it. I’m just . . . I’m desperate, Zo. I’m painfully aware that it’s a lot to put on your shoulders, but I’m hoping you could somehow bring him back to me. All I’m asking is that you just give it a try, and if it doesn’t work, well then . . .”

She trails off with a heavy sigh, not voicing what we all know.

And if it doesn’t work, well then, we know he doesn’t love you anymore.

I try to ignore the sting of her unspoken words, and seeing the desperation in her eyes, I force another smile across my face, willing myself to be strong, willing myself not to break. “Okay,” I finally say in a small voice. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. If he pushes me away, I’m not going to keep going back for more. I just . . . I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Oh, thank God,” Maya says, stepping into me and giving me another hug. “Thank you so much. If anyone can get through to him, I know it’s you.”

Shit. There’s that overwhelming pressure again.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Nobody wants to see the old Noah more than I do.”

“I know, sweetheart. Let’s just hope that he’s still buried deep down in there.”

“I’m sure he is,” I lie.

Maya takes a heavy breath, blowing out her cheeks as she steps back to give me a little space, and I can’t help but notice her watery eyes as she reaches for her glass of wine. “Okay,” she finally says. “Now that’s sorted out, tell me all about your summer break. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

2

Zoey

Racing up the stairs, I feel the tears pricking my eyes. This is too much. How am I supposed to face him again? How am I supposed to look Noah in the eye after everything we’ve been through?

Is it even possible to fall in love at six years old? Maybe even before that? I can’t recall a defining moment, just that from my very first memory as a little girl, Noah was my whole world. He was bigger than the sky, and then one day, poof, he was gone. My life started and ended with him, and when he walked away, I felt so empty. Everything I knew was gone, and it took me months to find my feet.

Noah slammed a door in my face, and I clung to the handle for three long years, but now a small window has appeared, and I’m terrified of what I might find if I peek through it.

Crashing back into my room, I crumble onto my bed, my head squished into my pillow as I try to calm my racing heart. My hands shake, unease blasting through my veins and poisoning me from the inside out.

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