Pulling myself up short, I hover just outside the kitchen, my heart lurching in my chest. They’re talking about Noah.

“He’ll find his way back,” my mom says, her tone so soothing that I almost believe it.

“It’s been three years already.” Maya’s heartbroken words are a stark reminder of everything we lost that day. “I’ve been trying to give him time, but as each day passes, he just seems to get further and further away.”

“I’ve been hanging on to the hope that he’ll just snap out of it,” Mom says as I hear her making her way around the kitchen, probably finding the wine glasses. “He did the same thing when Zoey was having her treatments, and he managed to claw his way back.”

“No,” Aunt Maya sighs. “He didn’t claw his way back. Zoey got better and demanded that he snap out of it. She brought him back, but this is different. Linc isn’t coming back.”

There it is. The knife right through the chest.

Lincoln Ryan. The sweetest boy I ever met. Noah’s little brother. He idolized Noah, just like I did. Some days it was like a competition between us as we fought for Noah’s attention, and every time I won was like the sweetest victory. Only now, I wish I had stepped back and given Linc that time he so desperately craved with his big brother. If I knew his time was limited, surely I would have seen past my own selfish desires.

Three long years ago, on a cold Saturday afternoon, a drunk driver recklessly decided to get behind the wheel and viciously took Linc’s life. He was only eleven and didn’t stand a chance. It was the worst day of my life because I didn’t just lose Linc, I lost Noah too.

He’s never been able to move past the agony of losing his little brother, and it sure as hell didn’t help when his father up and left them six months later. Like Aunt Maya said, he’s been spiraling out of control, and it’s only going to get worse.

My mom couldn’t be more wrong; there is no saving him. He’s not clawing his way back because the Noah we once knew, the one I wholeheartedly adored, no longer exists.

Noah Ryan broke my heart, and it killed me.

Four days after Linc tragically lost his life, we buried him in East View’s best cemetery and had a funeral fit for the sweetest prince that ever lived. We celebrated his life, and then I never saw Noah Ryan again.

“I’m sorry, Maya. I wish there were some way we could help you,” Mom says.

“I just wish there were some kind of magic fix button that could make things go back to how they used to be. Before Linc—” Maya cuts herself off, not wanting to finish that thought. She lets out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know where we would be if Noah didn’t have football to fall back on. It’s been a silent savior, but now that he’s been kicked out of St. Michael’s, I don’t know how he’s going to cope.”

My heart breaks for my old friend, but I’m not surprised. St. Michael’s is the fourth private school he’s been kicked out of over the past three years. It really doesn’t leave many options. Actually, none at all. Not unless Noah plans on commuting hours every day. He’s starting his senior year tomorrow, and I can’t imagine this is going to look good on his college applications. Assuming it’s still his goal to play college football, he’s going to have to figure something out, and fast.

“He’s the best quarterback in the state. Someone will take him.”

“See, that’s the thing. After his second and third expulsion, yeah, there was a small chance,” Maya says. “This is his fourth, and these private schools are throwing us more and more hoops to jump through. I think we’ve reached our limit. I almost died when I got the call from the principal letting me know what happened. I’ve been on the phone with private schools all morning, and no one will take him.”

I hear the familiar sound of my mother filling the wine glasses, and something twists in my stomach, sending a chill sweeping over my body. “So what’s the plan? Boarding school in Alaska?”

Maya laughs. “Wouldn’t that make things easier?” she jokes, but I know there’s a level of truth to her statement. “But no. I’ve been forced to admit that this is the end of Noah’s private schooling, but I managed to get him into East View.”

My stomach drops right out of my ass, my heart pounding erratically.

East View? Tell me I heard that wrong.

Mom gasps, and I can picture her eyes widening with horror. “With Zoey?”

“Yeah,” Maya says slowly. “Do you think that’s going to be a problem?”

“I . . . I honestly don’t know,” Mom says as I step into the kitchen, unable to remain hidden behind the wall any longer. Mom stands facing me, leaning against the counter, and she clocks me the second I appear, but not Maya. She stands on the opposite side of the island counter with her back to me.

“Maybe I should have a chat with my little warrior,” Maya suggests.

Mom averts her stare, looking back at Maya, and I keep silent, needing to hear where this is going, grateful that Mom hasn’t given me away just yet. “Zoey is . . . she’s still very hurt by Noah’s distance, and it’s taken her a long time to come to terms with it. But Noah, maybe what he needs is to see her again. Maybe this could be good for both of them.”

I shake my head, catching Mom’s eye over Maya’s shoulder. I couldn’t possibly think of anything worse.

“That’s my hope,” Maya says. “If it’s not too much for her, I wanted to see if she’d maybe consider helping Noah settle in tomorrow. You know, just give him the basics. Show him where his classes are, give him a rundown of the school, maybe point him in the direction of the football team.”

Oh, hell no!

I shake my head a little more vigorously, watching my mother all too closely, seeing the way her eyes go distant as if actually considering Maya’s ridiculous suggestions. “You know what,” Mom says, a smugness crossing her face. “I’m sure she’d be happy to.”