Page 91 of Remember Us This Way

This is the moment I’ve been dreading since he first told me about his acceptance.

My hands shake as Noah steps into me, and his hand curls into mine to hold it steady. His dark eyes lock on to mine. “Are you okay?” he asks hesitantly.

I nod, not trusting the way the words will come out if I say them aloud.

He stands right in front of me, his chest so close to mine but not quite touching as though he’s trying to be respectful of my family watching. He takes my other hand as well, lacing our fingers as he tilts his head toward me. “You’re strong, Zo,” he tells me because God knows, I feel as though I’ve forgotten. “You kicked leukemia’s ass and got through a year of hell during your junior year. And on top of that, you survived through the grief of losing Linc when I wasn’t here to hold you up. This is nothing compared to all of that.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s going to suck any less.”

“I know,” he tells me. “Nothing I can say or do is going to lessen the sting of having to be away from you, Zo. And though it feels like our whole world is crumbling, we’re gonna be fine. You’ll see. It’s nothing more than a stepping stone that will lead us to the life we’ll eventually be living together.”

A small smile pulls at the corners of my lips, but I can’t help the silent tears that track down my face. “I like the way that sounds.”

His eyes sparkle with warmth. “I thought you might.”

I let out a shaky breath. “You really have to go now?”

“Yeah,” he says before releasing my hands and brushing his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away the constant flow of tears. He pulls me into his chest, his strong arms curling around me. One clutches my back, and the other knots into my hair as he holds me tighter than ever before. “Fuck, I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn’t think it would kill me like this.”

“Don’t, Noah,” I warn, my voice shaky. “If you fall apart, I’ll be a wreck.”

“I love you more than anything in this world, Zo. Just one word from you, and I’ll be right back here.”

I nod against his chest, wiping my eyes on his shirt. “I love you too,” I tell him when I feel his fingers at my chin, lifting my face until those dark, dreamy eyes are locked securely on mine.

“Not goodbye, Zo. Just see you later.”

“Not goodbye,” I repeat, and then his lips are on mine, kissing me deeply as I fall apart in his arms. He holds me up, not daring to let me fall, and when he pulls away, I feel my mother’s hand on my shoulder.

She tugs me back into her gently, and I shake my head, watching as Noah strides to his car. “No,” I breathe, my heart shattering inside my chest as my mother hugs me from behind, pressing a kiss to my temple.

Noah pauses by his car door and glances back at me, and the look in his eyes makes me falter. He was putting on a show for me, being brave so that I wouldn’t break quite so bad, but damn it, he’s just as shattered as I am. Then before he convinces himself to run back into my arms, he gets into his car, and the loud engine rumbles through the quiet street.

I pull out of my mother’s arms, my head shaking more violently as desperation pulses through my veins. This can’t be it. I take off, racing toward his car. “NOAH!” I cry, but he’s gone in a flash, hitting the gas and storming down the street as I feel that tether between us stretching and adapting to this new normal.

A loud sob tears from the back of my throat as I hurry out into the road, every last piece of my soul tearing to shreds, and despite being so far away and unable to see through the flood of tears pouring from my eyes, I know he sees me through the rearview mirror, watching as his whole world gets further and further away.

Then as I watch his car disappear around the bend, what’s left of me crumbles, and I fall to my knees on the hard asphalt, the remnants of my soul turning to ash and blowing away with the last of summer.

37

Zoey

Ayear ago today, Noah blasted back into my world like a soldier on a mission, only at that point, neither of us had any idea what his mission actually was. Now, looking back on everything that came from the past twelve months, I almost can’t believe it.

It’s been a week since he left for college, and while he’s stuck to his word and called me every day, it hasn’t been the same. There’s nothing I hate more than distance, but if having mere scraps of him is what I need to survive over the next year, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.

I stare in my mirror.

Senior year.

I always thought that I’d be excited when this time came, but somehow, I just know this is going to be the hardest year of my life. Shannan has already let me know that she plans on rising back to the top this year, and I’m not going to lie, I was kinda hoping the humiliation of having to repeat her senior year would keep her down, but apparently, she’s not the type to learn from her mistakes. Or perhaps now that I don’t have Noah backing me at school, she will no longer see me as a threat. If that’s the case, I’ll be her favorite target all over again.

Then there’s Tarni.

I’ve known her too long not to assume that she isn’t going to try to work her way back into the spotlight. She likes the attention too much, and if she has to step on me to get in with Shannan and her followers, she will. The only difference is, she doesn’t have Abby and Cora backing her up anymore. Truth be told, I was kinda hoping that Abby and Cora might have grown up a little over the summer and wouldn’t completely hate it if I hung out with them. They were happy to drive me home from the lake party last week, but I’m almost certain they just felt sorry for me.

Letting out a heavy breath, I finish brushing through my hair and twist it up into a bun before backing up a few steps and dropping down onto the end of my bed. I’ve been so tired this week, and I keep telling myself that it’s just the emotional turmoil of being so far away from Noah, but there’s this little nagging feeling in the back of my mind warning me that it’s something more.

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