Page 34 of Remember Us This Way

Turning back around, I find Henry James standing on his front lawn, his hands buried in his pockets with disapproval written across his face. “She’s drunk and stubborn, sir,” I tell him, not bothering to sugarcoat it. “She left the party without telling a soul. I couldn’t let her walk all the way home alone.”

Mr. James holds my stare for a moment, his gaze narrowed. “You abandoned her three years ago when she needed you the most, so let me be very clear with you, Noah. Zoey doesn’t need you anymore. She clawed her way back without you, and I am not about to let you drag her back down into that pit of despair. Do you understand me? I may not have seen you over the past few years, but I have followed you. I’ve kept an eye on you, Noah, and you are a troubled child. I have seen the type of trouble you get yourself into, and the lack of respect you have for authority. You’re heading down a dangerous path, and I don’t want you leading my daughter down it with you. When it comes down to it, you and I both know that she will follow you blindly. You’re not good enough for her, Noah. Not anymore.”

“Believe me,” I say with a nod, taking a step back as a lump forms in my throat. “I know.”

“I appreciate you making sure she got home okay,” he says. “But this is the last you will see of her outside of school.”

I stare at him, knowing without a doubt that I can’t accept that. The idea of never seeing her. . . fuck. I know that’s what I asked for, what I’ve needed these past few years, but I always knew that at some point, we would find our way back to each other. But having her this close and never being able to see her? No, I won’t accept that.

“With all due respect, Mr. James. No,” I tell him. “There’s too much history, and you know damn well that Zoey isn’t just going to walk away. I see it in her eyes. She thinks she can somehow save me, and you and I both know that means she’s never going to give up. You can try and keep her away from me all you like. I’ll fucking beg you to, but you can’t. I know you’re just trying to look out for your daughter. I’d do the same if I were you, but this needs to be her decision. Zoey and I . . . We’re two halves of the same whole, and no matter how much I try to pull us apart and burn that tether between us, we’ll always be forced back together. It’s inevitable.”

I glance up at the home before me, finding Zoey hovering in her bedroom window, watching over me and her father with a deep curiosity in her eyes. I hold her stare for only a moment, so many silent messages passing between us, just like they used to, and with that, I bow my head and walk away before I throw myself through the door and fall to my knees, begging her to forgive me.

14

Zoey

Gently pressing a kiss to the photo of me as a child in the hospital, I pull the frame away and glance down at the little version of me. “Wish me luck,” I say, the nerves pounding through my body and making me want to hurl.

Monday mornings suck at the best of times, but this is the first Monday morning after Liam’s disastrous party that I’ll see Noah, and I can’t think of anything worse. Friday night started out great. It was fun . . . until it wasn’t.

Having at least twenty cheap cocktails thrown on me wasn’t exactly the type of good time I was looking for. Though to be honest, I was drunk enough to be able to shrug off the humiliation. Had that happened any earlier in the night, I would have crumbled right there on the dance floor. The fact that it happened right in front of Noah didn’t help. Not to mention his inability to be the hero I always needed him to be. But it wouldn’t be Shannan if she didn’t strive for maximum effect.

Forcing him into the bathroom to tear him to shreds was one thing, but the walk home was pure torture. I shouldn’t have said anything about that day at the park three years ago. I don’t know what I was trying to achieve. Maybe I wanted to see if he remembered, or maybe I just needed to remind him how it used to be. But hearing him recite those words killed me. He remembers it all just as deeply as I do, and despite that, he’s still capable of denying that I mean a damn thing to him, and I think that’s what hurts the most.

Had he forgotten it all or buried it so deep that it was impossible to recall, I might be able to understand how he could so easily push me away. But it’s right there for him, tormenting his mind in the same way it does mine, yet I need him now more than ever. I don’t understand how he can keep pushing me away when he still feels it. He can deny it all he likes, but I heard it in his broken tone as I watched the agony drive him to his knees in the quiet street. The idea of hurting me is killing him inside, but maybe that’s what he needs. I think he wants to feel numb to our past because the memory of his brother is woven intricately through each memory of us, and if he lets even a sliver of light shine through the darkness, he’d be left to deal with Linc’s death, and I don’t think he’s even a little bit ready to come to terms with it.

All I know is that when it comes to Noah Ryan, tiptoeing around the issue isn’t going to work. He needs to be pushed to the edge and then thrown right over. I need to make him break, but he’s not going to do that easily, and he’s sure as hell isn’t going to allow me to lead him there.

I have to force this, and I have to bring him to me to make it happen. But that’s not going to be easy. Noah Ryan has never been easy to navigate, but if anyone can do it, it’s me. At least, I hope it’s me. If some other girl is holding a piece of his heart hostage, it’s going to destroy me. How could he let another where I belong? I’ve never even been remotely interested in dating or sex because, for me, it’s always been Noah.

Am I saving myself for him? Maybe. I don’t know. The thought of being intimate with him like that . . . wow. I can’t even think about it without goosebumps spreading across my skin. I know there’s something special there, and I just hope he has the strength to claw his way back to me because, despite how much I want to hate him right now, we both know that we belong together.

I fear I’m his last shot, and I hate the thought of this monster he’s allowing himself to become. That’s not the real him. He’s sweet and caring . . . mostly. He was always an asshole with a mean streak, but never to me. His popularity forced him to be like that, learning how to keep people at arm’s length when they wanted to use him for a step up in the world.

Putting the photo frame back down on my desk, I let out one last shaky breath before reminding myself that I’m stronger than any of the bullshit. Anything Noah, Shannan, or the rest of the cheerleaders can throw at me means nothing, and the only reason they continue to torture me is because they’re still trying to break me, but it won’t happen. Not today at least.

Grabbing my things, I race downstairs, pleased to find Hazel already waiting by the door for me. “What took so long?” she says, glancing up at the clock on the wall. “We’re going to be late.”

“Not if I can help it,” I say, flying out the door with Hazel on my six.

After quickly locking the door behind me, we scurry to the car, and within seven minutes, we’re pulling up at Hazel’s school with barely seconds to spare. She races through the front gates, and I hit the gas, only having a few minutes to get my ass to school.

Pulling into the East View High parking lot, I search for a space and find only one available—right next to Noah’s matte black Camaro.

Great. I thought I could turn today around with my glowing pep talk this morning, but deep down, I knew today was going to be a disaster. I’ve barely put my Range Rover in park when I hear the bell sound through the school, and I suck in a breath. “Ah, crap,” I mutter, grabbing my things and flying out of the car.

I hurry through the front gates and into the school, finding most of the students already well on their way to homeroom. Having barely seconds to spare, I quickly stop at my locker and key in my code before tearing the door open and scrambling through my things.

“HOLY SHIT,” I hear Tarni from right down the other end of the hallway. “YOU’RE ALIVE!”

My head whips up, and I catch the slightest glimpse of her grinning at me, walking backward before disappearing around the corner. I laugh to myself. I didn’t exactly stop to say goodbye to the girls on Friday night before stupidly taking off from the party with a stalker, and in hindsight, that probably wasn’t the smartest choice to make. If Noah hadn’t made sure I got home alright, who knows what could have happened to me. My dad made sure to remind me of that bright and early Saturday morning, drilling into me the dangers of drinking and how stupid it was to leave the party without a safe way home. To be honest, I think he was hurt that I didn’t even think about calling him to come be my hero.

I felt sorry for myself all day Saturday and then spent Sunday with Mom and Hazel and never got a chance to text the girls, but now that I think of it, I don’t think I ever got a message from any of them asking where I’d gone on Friday night, not even on Saturday making sure I was alright.

That realization has a pang of hurt residing in my chest, but I don’t have time to dwell on it now.

“Get to homeroom,” Principal Daniels says to the few stragglers still lingering in the hall.

---