Page 33 of Remember Us This Way

She pauses, the door half open as she looks back at me with furrowed brows. “Where do you think I’m going?” she scoffs. “I’m going home, asshole. Isn’t that what you spat at me? Go home. You’re drunk. You don’t belong here.”

And with that, she storms out into the party, and I clench my jaw, anger swirling through my chest.

Don’t go after her. Don’t go after her. Don’t go after her, you fucking idiot.

“FUCK!”

I go after her.

I storm out of the bathroom, following the mop of dripping chestnut hair through the crowded bodies. She walks up ahead, and I watch as people laugh at her back, the word trash echoing through the crowd. She passes her friends, Tarni, Abby, and Cora, and I watch the moment Tarni notices her and slips further into the crowd, not wanting to be seen with Zoey after everything that just went down.

My jaw clenches, and I shake my head. I always told Zoey when we were kids that Tarni was a shit friend, and she never believed me, no matter how obvious it was. Zoey figured I just wanted her to myself, and yes, I suppose I did, but I was also being honest. Tarni is a piece of shit. She’s not nearly good enough for Zoey.

I continue after her, watching as she slips out the front door, not even bothering to tell anyone that she’s leaving, not that her friends would care anyway. I expect her to walk down the street a little and call her parents, maybe her dad. She wouldn’t dream of calling her mom to come get her this late.

I follow from afar, wandering down the street and keeping enough distance for her not to notice me, only she doesn’t stop. She just keeps walking, and I realize that she had no intention of calling her parents at all. She’s walking the whole way home.

What the fuck is wrong with this girl?

Not able to stomach the thought of her walking through the streets by herself in the middle of the night, I keep walking, no longer giving a shit if she knows I’m here or not.

We walk for ten minutes when she finally takes enough notice of the space around her to realize someone is here, and I watch as her body tenses and she picks up her pace. A smirk pulls at my lips, but I stay silent, not prepared to put her out of her misery. Hell, if I were some creep in the night, I’d be the one in danger. With the mood she’s in, I wouldn’t be willing to cross her.

I can almost feel how her heart races as she strides up the street, and after a minute, she finds the courage to glance back over her shoulder. Her gaze comes right to mine, and the second she makes me out in the darkness, she doubles over with relief. “Holy shit, Noah,” she yells back at me, bracing her hands on her thighs and blowing the air from her lungs. “What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of asshole stalks girls through the street like that? I thought you were trying to kill me.”

I stay silent, slowly creeping in closer, and she sends me a wicked glare before giving me her back and storming ahead. She doesn’t want to accept that I’m walking her home, but I don’t give her much of a choice.

We walk in silence with at least another twenty minutes to go. Had we driven, it would have taken ten minutes this time of night, but I’ve had too much to drink to even think about offering. And to be honest, I don’t think I could cope with being in a confined space with her again tonight. I need some time to cool down and pretend her words didn’t tear me to shreds.

The minutes tick by when I hear her soft tone filling the night. “Do you remember that day we were at the park with Linc? You were tossing a ball around while I sat in the grass. You were giving him such a hard time, making him run from one end of the park right to the other. Any other kid would have gotten frustrated and told you to go screw yourself, but he thought it was great,” she says, the memory so fresh in my head. It’s one that I play on repeat every day of my life. It was one of the last times just the three of us were together.

Zoey lifts her hand and wipes her eyes, and I listen as her voice wavers. “Do you remember what we were talking about between Linc’s groaning?”

I swallow hard, hating just how fucking well I remember it. That was the day I realized that we were so much more than just best friends. I was in love with her and knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life by her side. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew she was it for me, but there was something about the way the sun lit her face and the way she smiled at me. “I told you that you were the greatest love of my life,” I tell her, the words so hard to say out loud, but I know I meant every fucking word, maybe I still do. “That I would make you the happiest girl in the world and protect you with my life.”

Zoey scoffs. “I was so foolish to believe you,” she tells me, making my chest ache with the idea that she no longer has faith in what I felt for her. “Maybe it was because I was so young, and you were all I knew. You were my whole world, Noah. I never could have dreamed that you’d be the person I’d need protecting from.”

Fuck me. Her words bring me down to my knees in the middle of the sidewalk, and I gasp for air as she continues up the street, discreetly watching me fall apart over her shoulder. She’s always known exactly what to say to make me feel, to bring me back to life, and that’s why I’ve fought so hard to stay away. She’s the greatest weapon against me when I don’t want to feel anything at all.

She’s always been my whole world, even now, and despite how hard I try to hide it, how hard I push her away and tell her it means nothing, she can see right through my bullshit. And this only proves just how right she is.

Zoey doesn’t stop walking or wait for me to pull myself together, not that I deserve that, but I’m sure as fuck not going to leave her to walk home alone.

Forcing myself back to my feet, I follow after her, watching her silhouette down the street, not daring to close the gap and give her the power to use my own words against me again. That old me, he doesn’t exist anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve for the man I used to be or the life I used to think I’d have with Zoey. It kills me to pull away from her, but it’s the only way I can survive.

I wasn’t lying all those years ago when I told her I would protect her with my life. If it came down to stepping in front of a bullet for her, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even need to think about it. But with people like Shannan, she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet, and she has. Over the past three years, she’s grown in a way I wasn’t expecting. She’s so damn strong. I always knew she would be, and I regret not being there to see the way she came out of her shell, but she only had to learn how to do that because I wasn’t there like I promised.

Fuck, I’m such a piece of shit.

My hand digs into my pocket, and I pull out a cigarette, lighting it quickly before taking a deep drag and blowing out a cloud of smoke into the dark Arizona sky. The nicotine hits my system, and I close my eyes, feeling myself finally start to calm.

I follow her the rest of the way home and watch as she storms up her front porch and through the door, ignoring her father watching her with concern. I can’t help but take a moment, staring up at her home as I stand in the shadows. So many memories live inside this house.

A moment passes, and when Zoey’s bedroom light turns off, her silhouette fills the bedroom window. Taking the final drag of my cigarette, I drop it to the ground, stub it out with my toe, and turn on my heel to get the hell out of here.

I barely get two steps away when a familiar tone tears through the night. “Why are you following my daughter home, Noah?” Zoey’s father, Henry, asks.

Fuck.

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