Page 115 of Remember Us This Way

I grin right back at him as he sets the phone up on a tripod at the edge of the field, moving it as far back as possible so that I can see the whole field all at once. “Nothing would make me happier,” I tell him. “But I swear, you better make it a good one. Otherwise, I’m telling Kelly that you’ve been sneaking back in after visiting hours.”

He gapes at me. “You wouldn’t.”

“Then give me a good game, and we won’t have to find out.”

Coach Sanderson hollers at the boys, and Noah cringes, glancing back at his team. “Shit, Zo. I have to go,” he tells me. “Don’t even think about going anywhere.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I tell him. “Go whoop their asses.”

“Love you, Zozo.”

“Love you, too.”

And with that, he’s gone, taking off at a jog to meet with his team as Hope appears beside me, scooching onto my bed, her gaze locked on my phone. “I’ve never seen a football game before,” she admits.

“Are you kidding me?” I ask just as Kelly strides in, her gaze falling to the screen as well, her eyes widening with interest—my only warning that my room is about to turn into the best party this treatment center has ever seen. “Then get comfortable. You’re about to witness something incredible.”

46

Noah

Zoey is fast asleep in my arms as we wait for Dr. Sanchez to return with the results of her final blood test. It’s been an exhausting five weeks, and if it was that shitty for me, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it’s been for Zo. But she’s held it together, keeping a smile on her face despite wanting to cry.

She’s been telling me she feels like she’s getting stronger, but I know she’s lying. She’s exhausted—emotionally, physically, and mentally—but she’s not ready to give up. I think she’s been trying to manifest good results, willing it into existence, but we’ve all seen Nurse Kelly’s grim expressions. There should have been a change by now, some kind of indication that the chemotherapy has been working, but so far . . . nothing.

Zoey is getting weaker, and the dizziness is coming more frequently, but the chemo . . . fuck. We thought that the first dose would be the hardest to get through, but with each new dose, it kills her just a little bit more. She cried and sobbed while throwing up, and then she just slept. She’s been so tired, and at this point, I don’t know if it’s the drugs or the leukemia.

Either way, she’s suffering, and I don’t fucking like it.

When she first arrived at the cancer center, she spent hours on her laptop, typing away. She won’t share what she’s working on, but it’s been keeping her mind busy, which is a good thing. On chemo days, she doesn’t have much energy, so she usually puts her computer away after a few hours of work.

On her rest days though, she’s been living on her laptop like it’s going out of fashion. She’ll do whatever it is she’s doing with my old phone resting on her lap while I sit in the chair beside her bed, trying to listen to my college lectures.

My world has been put into perspective since Zoey got her diagnosis. College and football don’t mean anything to me right now. Though, I still push through it because Zoey wants me to. If I lost my position on the team because I was missing too many classes or training sessions to be here, she would be devastated, but being here to hold her hand through all of this is the only thing that matters to me. Like I told her at the start, there will always be another football team or another college, but there will never be another Zoey Erica James.

She’s my everything, my heart, my love, and I will burn my world to ashes if it means getting to hold her through her darkest days. There will be time for college and football later—after Zoey is well again.

Hazel moves around the room, packing up all of Zoey’s things, but it won’t be for long. These things will be right back here in a few weeks when she starts her next round of chemotherapy. And fuck, I need it to work.

I don’t know how to breathe without her. If chemo doesn’t work and she has to leave this world, my life wouldn’t be worth living.

With Dr. Sanchez due to come back soon, Zoey’s parents make their way back into Zoey’s room. They’ve been working around the clock, trying to be here every chance they get while also doing everything possible to hold on to their jobs. But truth be told, at this point, I don’t think they give a shit about their jobs anymore. They just want to be here for their daughter, and I want that for them too, but without their jobs, they’ll lose the insurance to cover all of Zoey’s medical expenses. It’s a fucking brutal world we live in.

“How’s she doing?” Henry asks, his gaze lingering on his little girl.

“Pretending it’s not as bad as it really is,” I tell him, not wanting to sugarcoat anything.

“I know,” he says with a heavy breath. “She’s trying not to worry us.”

“It’s stupid. She should be focusing on herself, not how we’re coping with it. We’ll be fine as long as she’s getting the help and medicine she needs.”

Erica scoffs, moving Zoey’s bag off the seat beside the bed and getting comfortable. “Try telling her that,” she says, glancing my way. “I swear, Zoey is as stubborn as they come. She learned that from you, you know?”

I smirk. I’m all too aware of all the bad habits I taught her growing up.

“So,” I say, pulling Zoey in even tighter against my chest. “Any idea what she’s been doing on that laptop?”

Erica laughs. “Oh, I have my suspicions, but she’ll kill me if I share them with you. So until she decides she’s ready to let you in on the big secret, I’ll be keeping my mouth shut.”

---