Page 25 of Played

I lean in and kiss her lips. “Something like that.”

Her green eyes are glowing she’s so satiated. I could get lost in them. The way she looks at me is mesmerizing. And it’s the same look in any situation. Not just after sex. I let myself believe, just for a moment, that what I said in the kitchen earlier, is true, imagining if I really did love Freya. And how my life would change. As she gazes at me warmly, combing her fingers through my hair, almost maternally, I can’t help but kiss her more. I’ve learned that it’s my new favorite thing to do. And I realize that it may be true. I think I love Freya. The thought, frankly, scares the shit out of me. She’s not in any of my circles. Da’s never met her. None of my family has met her, in fact. She’s down to earth and smart and beautiful and fun. But she’s not rich. She’s not tied to the industry, and some may see that as a threat.

Stupidly, I try to think of reasons why we can’t be together.

…and soon one will be slapped right down in my lap.

Freya wraps some ice in a dish towel and hands it to me. “How’d it happen?” She asks as I set it on my nose.

“Caleb.”

“Ah.” She sighs as she sits back down. “I should have known. That was a stupid question. Why else would you be so driven to come here and give me a piece of your mind unless something like that motivated you.”

“Aye. I had it coming.”

“Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t, Ethan.” She licks her lips. I look away. I still can’t look at her. “How were you to know that this was going to happen. It’s not like you and Caleb are that close, like you said. To be fair, it wasn’t any of his business, and I know that your family is not known for its transparency.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How long we went out and you never once introduced me to anyone in your family.”

“Aye. And thank God for that. How would you have escaped the lie then, Freya?” I point out.

“Ethan, you have to understand my position.” She says levelly. “I was terrified. And you never gave me a chance to explain.”

“There was no need, Freya. I knew all I wanted to know. You slept with my brother and kept it from me.”

“Aye, but put yourself in my shoes, Ethan. What would you have done, hm? A beautiful, smart woman shows more than an interest in you, and suddenly you end up in bed together, and it’s the best you’ve ever had. You tell yourself that that’s all it is, that there’s no need to tell her about you and her sister fucking around months before. You make a deal with yourself to tell her only if things turn serious. But then, when it does turn serious, you’re so terrified of losing her that you still keep it to yourself.”

“Time runs out, Freya. I know you’re not a fool to believe that it would never come out.”

“Aye. I knew it would. But I didn’t think that you would react the way that you did, Ethan.”

I slam my fist on the table. “How did you expect me to react, Freya?! Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Caleb all but laughed at me. Danced in his shoes. It’s like he tried you on before I did, and he knew how second-class you were, so it was no loss to him.”

Her gaze darts to mine. “Caleb and I were nothing compared to you and I, Ethan, and you know it. You and I were in love. I should have known that I’d never be good enough for you. I should have seen the signs. You were terrified of commitment. You never introduced me to anyone. It was like I was your secret fuck, and that’s all. Yet I loved you with every beat of my fucking heart.” Her voice cracks and she looks away.

“I shouldn’t have come.” I lower the ice from my nose.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have come. But you did. The least you can do is tell me how the bairn is.”

“Well, you guessed it yourself, Freya. She’s fine. Caleb and Laney found her.”

“Did they get the kidnappers?” She asks with a sniff.

“One of them. But not the whole clan. That’ll take some doing.”

“Is it true. That Caleb and Laney are getting married?”

I nod. “Aye. They’re expecting a bairn, too.”

Her gaze darts to mine. “Then I don’t understand what all the fuss is about still, Ethan. Your brother is set to marry. He’s got a child and one on the way. It’s all in the past. Why can’t you just let it go?”

I’m not ready to answer that. The truth is she’s the one that got away. She was always the one that got away. Sure, I’ve been with another lass or two since her, but none could compare. Freya is the only woman I’ve ever loved, and the part that bothers me the most, is that I wasn’t afraid to tell her. But I can never get over the lie. No matter how just it was. No matter what excuses she gives me. No matter how much time has passed.

“God, Ethan.” She wipes her eyes with her thumbs and sniffs. “Caleb and I were just fucking. That’s the truth.” She chuckles wetly, still crying. “He didn’t even like it. He only ever called me when all the other lasses on his list weren’t available.” Another sniff. “That’s part of the reason why I didn’t tell you. It was fucking embarrassing. I was awful in bed with him. He knew it. I knew it. And you were in no rush to introduce me to your family, so, in my mind, it would never come to pass. As much as I loved you, I knew, deep down, that it would never amount to anything. I knew that what we had had an expiry date.”

My jaw muscles are working. I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth. That she and I could never have a future together, no matter if she lied to me or not. But something tells me that she already knows. Freya is no fool. If she was, I would have never let myself have the feelings I once had for her. It never would have happened. We would have just been another fuck, just like her and Caleb were. “I should go.”

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