Page 6 of Mia Amata

Not put off by my apparent inability to look her in the face, Audra started talking to me. “Lauren and Eva filled me in on how they met you this morning, how you came to be here with them before we came down here.” I flinched, remembering the parking lot incident. “I was wondering if you would feel OK with answering some questions for me. I would like to ask some questions, ones that could be hard for you to answer. We will take our time, if you don’t want to answer that is fine. Just understand that the more I know about you and your situation, the better I can help you. Is that OK?”

I glanced up at Lauren and then toward the stairs. Lauren seemed to read thoughts. She offered, “Would you like me to go up and send Eva down?” For some reason that I couldn’t fathom, I nodded my head. “Not a problem,” Lauren smiled at me, “I will go get her.”

She went up the stairs, and within a couple of minutes, Eva came down. She walked straight to me, sitting next to me at the table. I nodded, feeling so much gratitude toward her at that moment. She sat down, I reached for her hand, not knowing why exactly. I felt like I needed her strength and courage, to see if I could draw my own strength and courage from her. I glanced up at Eva, she smiled at me.

“Ready Mattie?” Audra asked.

Taking a deep breath, I managed to finally find my voice. “Yes, I think so,” I said.

“Perfect. Just remember, we can stop any time you want to. If there is something you do not want to answer or talk about, all you have to do is just say so. Let’s start off with something easy, how old are you?”

Even this simple question took me a couple minutes to think of the answer. I had to think back to my last birthday party and then calculate how old I would be today. “Twenty-three.”

Audra nodded, not displaying any signs that she noticed I had to calculate my own age. “It is obvious to all of us that you have been abused by someone. I assume it is a man. Was he your husband?”

“Yes,” I said.

“How long have you been married?” Audra asked.

“Five years,” I stated after another brief period of calculation.

Audra nodded. “That means you were 18 when you got married. When did the abuse start? When was the first time he hit you?”

I couldn’t help it, but I started to cry again. “On our wedding night.” Eva gave my hand a little squeeze for encouragement and support. “I knocked over a glass of champagne at our reception. When we got to our hotel that night he called me a clumsy cow, hitting me in the stomach. He had never shown even a hint of a temper before.”

“That is not unusual, happens that way all the time,” Audra stated. “Women never see the abusive side of the man until they are living with him. How often did the beatings occur?”

“At first, it wasn’t very often, maybe just every couple of weeks or so, with one or two punches to my back or stomach. Probably within six months or so it started to become a lot more often. Soon he would find things on a daily basis where he claimed I failed to meet his expectations.”

Quietly, Audra asked, “You didn’t have any family, friends, or coworkers you could turn to? He isolated you from everyone didn’t he?”

I nodded. “I have no family. He wouldn’t let me work, moved me away from any friends I had.”

Audra replied. “That is typical of most abusers, they want to have total control over their victims. I am not going to ask you to go into further details about the past and bring up all the bad memories that I am sure are fresh in your mind. What I really need to know about are the details about the last time he beat you. I can see by the bruising and swelling on your face that it was very recent.”

Again, I nodded. “Last night. It was different than all the times before.”

“Different how?” Audra asked encouragingly.

“It was the first time he hit me in the face. Usually, the beatings were more controlled. He only hit me in places where the bruises and cuts could easily be hidden by clothes. But last night…” I trailed off.

“He lost control?” Audra asked.

I nodded, “Yes. It seemed like, I don’t know like he couldn’t seem to be able to regain control of himself again.”

Audra looked at Eva. “I think you and your mom found Mattie just in time.” Looking at me she said, “I believe he would probably have killed you soon, the beatings would have continued to get worse over time. Mattie, your decision to trust Eva and Lauren is probably the most important decision of your life.” I just sat there, staring at my hands. I had actually been expecting, actually waiting for him to kill me for a long time. The thought that my life was safe now was hard for me to wrap my head around, I didn’t believe it yet. Something in me knew for a fact that if he didn’t kill me in a few days, I would kill myself.

I knew I would never be free of him.

“Mattie?” Audra asked. I looked up at her, coming back to the present. “I’d like to give you a physical examination to make sure you do not have any serious injuries. Would that be OK with you? There will be nothing written down or recorded in any way, so there will be no paper trail at all.”

“Yes,” I said after a few minutes. “I suppose that would be fine. I haven’t actually seen a doctor since I was a little girl.”

“We will go slow, take our time. I will explain what I am doing every step of the way. Do you want Eva to stay?” Audra asked.

I thought about it. I was nervous enough to have one person see the results of all the beatings, I didn’t think I could handle two. “Can we do the exam in the bedroom while she waits out here?”

Both Audra and Eva said that would be fine, so Audra and I went into the bedroom after she got her bag off the table.

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