Page 50 of Mia Amata

He turned the boat gradually north, pointing ahead of us. “See that huge pine to the north? The one with the huge nest toward the top?” I shaded my eyes with my hand, looking in the direction he indicated. “Oh, yes I see it.”

“That is where we are headed. It’s an island that my family owns. That is an eagle’s nest, they build there every year.” As if on cue, an eagle soared past us, swooping down to the lake. He came back up with a fish in its claws, then flew to the nest on the island.

“Look at him!” I exclaimed. “So beautiful!”

Jacob smiled at me, “You will probably get to see him close up if he stays in the nest long enough.”

We continued toward the island with Jacob pointing out things as we went, turtles sunning themselves on a log, a blue heron fishing toward the shore. It was obvious that he was very happy here, very at home. When we were closer to the island, I could see the eagle in his nest eating his fish. Jacob steered the rowboat around to the other side of the island, where there was a beach that he aimed for. He climbed out of the rowboat, pulling it up on the shore. He reached for my hand. When I stood up, he put his hands on my waist lifting me out with ease.

“We swam here all the time as kids.” He pointed to a rope that hung from a tree. “We would swing out on that, let go, landing as far out as we could.” I smiled at the vision that gave me in my head. He handed me the blankets and pillows. He then grabbed the food and drinks and started leading me up to the beach. “Come on, it’s just inshore a little.”

We followed a path to a small clearing. There, in the middle was a stream running over a bed of rocks. “There is a natural spring from underground here; the stream leads to the lake.”

We followed the stream to a small pond with water that was so clear it seemed almost nonexistent. We both stopped, quietly watching a deer drink out of the pond. She shifted her body so that we could see a little fawn lying in the grass beside her. The deer suddenly looked up, seeing us watching them, but didn’t run away. She watched us warily, moving back between us and her fawn, hiding it from view.

We didn’t want to disturb her, so we crossed to the other side of the stream, carefully crossing on some rocks sticking out of the water, Jacob holding my hand, so I didn’t slip. We slowly walked to the other side of the pond across from the deer and her baby, not wanting to scare them away.

“Here we are,” Jacob said, “I thought we could picnic here.” He motioned to a huge flat rock, like a small patio at the side of the pond. He set the food down, taking the blankets from me, and he spread them out on the rock. I lay the pillows down on the blankets. I sat down while he brought the food over.

We sat there, enjoying our lunch, watching the deer across the pond. The little fawn had gotten up, running around frolicking in the tall grass closer to the trees. Soon, the deer led her baby into the trees. We finished our meal, talking about the wildlife around here. Jacob lay back on one of the pillows, watching me.

I had my knees pulled up with my arms wrapped around them, looking at the pond with the little fish swimming around. A turtle surfaced on the other side, climbed out on a rock, and sat there in the sun. I watched another small turtle swim after a small fish. I could feel Jacob’s eyes on me, but I felt nervous and scared. I was alone with a man I barely knew. What was I thinking? It wasn’t necessarily an awkward silence, but I felt that he had something on his mind he wanted to talk to me about.

As if right on cue Jacob quietly said, “Mia, can I ask you something rather personal?”

“You can ask, depending on what it is I’ll answer honestly or tell you I’d rather not answer it.”

“Fair enough.” He hesitated for a minute or two, then asked, “Are you still in love with that guy, the married one?”

“We already discussed that,” I said.

“No, we discussed if you missed him. I asked if you still loved him.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment, then shook my head. “No.I don’t think that I ever really loved him. I think I was in love with the idea of being in love, with being loved. I never really felt loved in my life—ever. I was naive.”

“Were you with him for a long time?”

“Off and on for about five years.” I watched as the turtle in the water caught a little fish to eat. “Probably more off than on.”

“You didn’t date anyone else that whole time? You just sat around while he was at home with his wife and kids?”

I shook my head. “He was my first and only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I always waited for him to call. Sooner or later he always did.”

Jacob stood up, walking along the edge of the pond until he was almost to the other side. I couldn’t make out what he was thinking, he wouldn’t look at me. When he finally did, the look was one I hadn’t seen to this point, not clearly disgust but close. I got the picture. Standing up, I started packing up the lunch things.

“What are you doing?” Jacob asked, walking back toward me.

I looked at him, “Look, Jacob, I understand. You can take me home now. I get it.”

He looked confused, “Get what?”

“That you regret today, are sorry that you are wasting time on me,” I said.

“What are you talking about? I don’t regret anything.”

“You don’t?”

“No, why would I?” he exclaimed.

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