Page 12 of Mia Amata

I thought about Allen’s favorite breakfast. I realized I did not really like sausage. Over-easy eggs actually made me want to throw up. I preferred bacon over sausage. If I had to eat eggs, I would want them scrambled with no sign of runny eggs at all.

Thinking about this further, I would almost rather have toast or cereal than eggs of any type. I felt like coming to this realization was another step to realizing I was a person with likes and dislikes with the ability to decide for myself what I wanted rather than going with what someone else liked. I also realized I have a long way to go, to learn what I liked, what I am capable of doing for myself and now, this baby. I have a wide range of emotions going through me this morning. I am terrified that he will find me, killing the baby and me.

I am thrilled that I am going to be a mom to a baby girl—even though that hasn’t been determined yet. I am also afraid to trust that what anyone tells me is the truth. I love this baby already and was surprised by exactly how much I love her. I haven’t loved or been loved for years, if ever.

The coffee finished brewing, I washed up my cereal bowl and spoon, poured myself a cup of coffee, taking it to the couch with me. Audra stated that bed rest was a term that didn’t necessarily mean I had to be in bed, I could lay on the couch and rest. I lay down on the couch with the coffee on the table within reach, grabbing the TV remote. I turned on the TV, going to the local news channel to see what was in the headlines. When the channel came into focus, I saw my face staring back at me. “In the local news today, a decorated detective’s wife has gone missing, and the search has begun for clues as to what happened to her.”

I got up and ran into the bedroom. I grabbed the cell phone, sending a text to both Eva and Lauren begging them to please come downstairs. I went back out to the living room, taking the phone with me. The news lady continued, “The officer came home from his normal daily shift to find that his wife was not home. He immediately called his supervisor stating that this was completely out of the normal for his wife, indicating that something must have happened to her.”

The news report went to a video of him stating, “She had a couple of errands that she was going to run today, but she should have been home before I got home from work. I am very worried about her because she always lets me know what her plans are for the day. We keep in touch throughout the day as we are able. Please, if you know anything about Megan’s disappearance, call us and let us know. I just want my wife to come home safely. Megan, if you can hear this, I love you. Stay strong, we will find you and bring you home.”

I heard a knock on the door, which startled me at first. I hurried up the stairs and unlocked the door, letting Eva or Lauren in.

“Are you OK?” Lauren asked.

“I’m on the news,” I stated. We hurried down the stairs to watch more news. The picture returned to me; we exchanged glances, all of us sitting down to watch. When the news went on to another story, I muted the TV, saying, “I need to leave today. You heard him; he will find me.” I was almost in a state of pure panic.

Eva grabbed my hand. “Mattie, listen.” She was calm, which helped me to calm down a little. “We knew this would happen. If we try to move you right away, we run the risk of being found out, putting all of us in danger. We are confident that we have covered our trail so that they will not find you here. They haven’t even found your car yet. You need to try to trust us. I know that’s difficult for you, but you have no choice right now. We are all you have.”

Eva’s words did what they were intended to do. I felt calmer and able to breathe again.

“They will find the car soon since he was the one who sent you to the store. They probably have already been there, looking for video or witnesses to what might have happened,” Lauren said. “Eva and I did not touch your car at all, so our prints won’t be on it. Hopefully, when they do find it, they will get the impression you were kidnapped, mugged, or something. You are still safe here.” I didn’t say what everyone was thinking, ‘for now’, but felt better overall. “We will keep up with the news and our actions will be based on what is reported on a daily basis.”

I felt better and was even able to apologize for waking them up. “Don’t worry about waking us up,” Eva said. “We all need to keep up with the news. Just know that we are working on a solution for you already.”

We sat, watching the news a bit longer, but it repeated the things from earlier, so it was decided that we should all try and get a bit more sleep. I needed sleep to heal, Lauren needed sleep to go to work, Eva needed sleep to do her schoolwork. I felt awful that my situation was depriving them of the sleep they needed to continue their normal routine, they both reassured me that they had made the decision to help me and that I had nothing to feel guilty or awful about.

Lauren and Eva gave me gentle, brief hugs before heading back up the stairs to try and get more rest. I followed them up the stairs, locking the door behind them again. I decided to try to go back to bed too. I shut the TV off and then the lights and headed back to bed. This was so out of the norm for me, I never slept past 4:30 am prior.

I was tired, so I curled back up into bed and turned the TV on in the bedroom to a channel that was playing a movie. I don’t know why but leaving the TV on seemed to help me sleep. Within minutes, I was asleep although it was restless this time. The dreams came, I couldn’t escape them, but I also did not remember them when I finally woke up again.

***

When I opened my eyes again, I rolled over, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table. I was stunned to see that it was 9:00 in the morning. I was never able to sleep this late with Allen, so it was really a surprise that I had slept so long. The TV was still on, I grabbed the remote, searching through the channels to find something that caught my attention. I ended up on the channel I found the day before that showed crafts.

I stopped there, putting the remote aside. This particular show was teaching how to crochet an Afghan. I thought this was great. The ability to handmake a beautiful blanket that would keep a loved one warm greatly appealed to me. Maybe I can make my baby girl a blanket to wrap her up in after she is born. I thought I would ask Audra or Lauren to teach me how to crochet.

I watched the show for a little while, then decided I wanted a shower. I picked out some clean clothes, hoping I made some good choices that would look good together and then went into the bathroom. I found new shampoo and conditioner, along with body wash, then enjoyed a nice warm shower. This was the first time in a long time that I did not have to worry about how long I took in the shower, no alarm was going to go off telling me my shower time was over.

The only thing that motivated me today to not be in there too long was the fact I did not want to use up all the hot water for the others in the house. It felt really good to be cleaned up and wearing fresh clothes. I don’t think I could handle staying in pajamas for bed rest all the time.

Since I had breakfast super early, I thought I would go see if there was something I could have for a snack. Yet another thing that I was not allowed to do with Allen, snack or just eat without permission. I wondered, as I picked out a banana from the other fruit in the pantry, how long would I be this way, thinking that I could never do this or do that before. Would I ever get to the point where I didn’t care anymore about that type of thing? I didn’t think that it would ever be completely gone, but I certainly hoped I could get to the point where this was not a constant thought in the back of my mind.

I ate the banana, washed up and then headed back to bed to be the good patient Audra expected of me. I climbed onto the bed, picking up the book I started reading from where I left off the day prior. After about 45 minutes or so, I hear the cell phone on the table next to me alert me to a text message. I picked it up, seeing that there was a text from Eva asking if she could come see me. I replied yes. I’d be right there to let her in.

Letting Eva in, I asked if she minded if we sat in the bedroom. “No, not at all. How are you feeling now? Were you able to get some rest?”

I smiled at her, “Yes, I managed to fall back asleep, waking up around 9:00 am. It felt nice to be able to rest.”

“That’s great,” Eva replied as she sat down in one of the chairs in the bedroom. “I gave Mom an idea last night, she asked me to talk to you about it to see what you think.”

“Oh?” I asked, curiosity evident on my face.

“I’m not sure if you know everything that is involved with getting you to a safe place, there are actually a lot of people involved, a lot of pieces that need to fall into place. One part of that will be helping you with a job because you will need to have an income.”

“That makes sense. I really haven’t had a chance to think about anything. Now, with the baby, I’m not sure how I will be able to find work,” I said. “I don’t know how I will be able to get a job, I have very little work history, nothing at all in the last five years.”

“I’m not trying to stress you out about an income. Let me explain a bit of what happens here. As I said, Mom and I are only a small part of this picture. We have… contacts let’s call them, that we reach out to that help us make you a new life. You will be getting a new identity made for you by one of our contacts. That contact also helps get you a job with other contacts we have.”

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