Page 80 of Always Been You

She made sense. When he was with her everything was right. And she loved him. At least she had a month ago.

He still couldn't believe that he'd let her walk out of his house. There'd been so many times he'd picked up the phone to call her or started to run past her house, but he stopped himself every time, because each time he'd start to pick up his phone or get in his car to go see her, he'd imagine Lori's tear-stained face as she laid flowers on Carter's casket.

He heard what Jess had said, but he just couldn’t reconcile loving her and the risk that he’d be asking her to take.

When he heard footsteps on the wooden planks of the deck, he glanced up and experienced a split-second of hope. Hope that it would be Jess walking toward him. Over the past month, he'd grown used to experiencing that same flash of expectation. Every time his phone vibrated, he thought it might be Jess. Whenever he was out in town and saw a flash of dark hair, there was a moment where he was sure it was going to be her. If there was a knock on his door, he'd imagine it was her.

The small high was always followed by the inevitable disappointment that came when his brain registered that it wasn't her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Bonnie asked as she stepped up to the railing beside him.

"I'm good."

"Daisy just told me that you're back on full-time. That's great."

"Yep." Ethan nodded.

"Your dad would be really proud of you."

Her comment took him by surprise. No one really spoke to him about his dad.

"You know,” Bonnie rested her hands on the railing, “I dated your dad."

"You did?" That really took him by surprise. He'd always thought that Jess's parents had been together forever.

"I did.” She nodded. “It was right before John and I got together. In fact, I think that your dad being my boyfriend was what finally got John over his shyness. It wasn't anything serious, your dad wasn't really the commitment type and we were young. Really young. But it was a fun summer."

"Wow. I had no idea."

Bonnie smiled. "I remember he talked a lot about leaving Whisper Lake. He wanted to live in the city, be a cop, and he didn't want a family. Even at sixteen, I knew I always wanted to be a mom. He said that he wasn't ever going to get married or have kids. He said that he’d never forget when two men had shown up at his door to tell his mom that his dad was gone. He said he never wanted to put anyone through that. I have to admit, I was pretty shocked when you—"

"I'm not his. I'm adopted."

"I know. And that shocked me even more. He chose you. He didn't just get someone pregnant. I remember running into him at Children's Hospital in Chicago. I was there with Jess, she was about a year old and he was there getting your medical files to use for your adoption hearing. He told me about the night he found you and that he kept tabs on you. He said that you were his. From the moment that he found you, he'd known that. And whatever happened he wanted you to know that you were loved. You were chosen, you were his."

Hearing the things his dad had said had a lump of emotion forming in Ethan’s throat. He wasn’t sure what to say.

"Mom!"

Both he and Bonnie turned to see Jess standing in the doorway that led to the restaurant. She didn't even glance in his direction. It was as if he were invisible. All day, she’d looked right past him, like he didn’t exist.

"They're about to cut the cake."

"I'll be right there, sweetie."

He could see that Jess wanted to say more, probably for her mom to stop talking to the enemy, but she didn't. She turned and walked back inside and like she did every time she left his presence, she took a piece of his heart with her.

He heard a sniff beside him and looked to his left to see that Bonnie's eyes were filled with unshed tears as she stared at the space Jess had just left.

"What's wrong?"

Was Jess sick? Was her body rejecting the heart? He'd researched all of the risks after her surgery and he knew that she should be out of the woods for ninety percent of the complications, but he also knew anything could happen.

"Nothing." Bonnie shook her head. "It just still gets me sometimes, seeing her so healthy, so active, so alive. Seeing the flush in her cheeks."

"Yeah."

"Even if it is because she's mad at you,” she smiled up at him.

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