Page 17 of Always Been You

Jess could understand that.

"What about you? What happened with the vet tech?"

"I didn't make it past the first drink."

"No?"

"Nope. Bad breath."

Mandy's face scrunched up. "Oh, that's the worst."

Jess wanted to say that the worst was the guy that had been wearing his wedding ring, but she thought it might hit a little too close to home.

"Doctor will be in in a few minutes."

"Thanks."

Jess stared at the same wall she'd been staring at for the past decade. Dr. Richmond's decor hadn't changed in all those years. He had three exam rooms. This one had a picture of a blue vase and red flowers. She preferred exam room three. That one had an abstract painting of fruit. She liked to mess with him and ask if he saw a penis in the image. She loved watching his cheeks flame with embarrassment. He was easy to tweak, and there'd been a lot of years where Jess had to get her entertainment anyway she could get it.

Now, her options were much broader, but she still enjoyed making her doctor blush.

"Hello there, Miss Myers." His hearty greeting had been the same since the first time she'd come to his office.

"Hey Dr. Richmond, how's it hanging?"

Dr. Richmond was all business, all the time. He pushed his glasses up on his nose, placed his hand on the stool, and sat in front of the small, adjustable computer and typed on the keyboard. "It looks like your numbers are good. How have you been feeling?"

"Good. I've been good."

"What about the fatigue? Are you still finding it hard to make it through the day?"

"Nope. That's been a lot better." Since Jess stopped having caffeine after lunch, she'd been sleeping like a baby.

It was Brynn who'd pointed out to her that a cup of coffee to get over her midday slump and then a soda with dinner wasn't exactly giving her body what it needed for a good night's sleep. And since she'd cut down, her nights had been a lot more restful.

Dr. Richmond did all the doctor things that doctors do, checked her glands, had her open up and say "ah," listened to her heartbeat, and asked her a series of questions before smiling, something he rarely did. "Okay, everything looks good. If you don't have any questions or concerns, we'll see you back in six months."

Jess felt a little panic rise in her. "Six months. Great."

He left, and as she grabbed her bag and started back down the hallway, she did her best to ignore the anxiety that filled her. It had been happening more and more frequently lately.

When she got to the front desk, the receptionist, Lorraine, looked up and smiled at her. "When does the doctor want to see you again, love?"

"Six months," Jess answered and her chest tightened again.

As Lorraine made the appointment and filled out a reminder card, Jess realized why she was feeling so stressed. Not seeing Dr. Richmond for six months would be the longest she'd ever gone without seeing a doctor.

Her life wasn't just making it until the next doctor’s appointment as it had been for so long. And if that was the case, then what was it?

She was, basically healthy. At twenty-eight, she was as healthy as she'd ever been and probably would be. A miracle had happened and she had the chance at a real life. And the question that haunted her was, what was she doing with it?

A man held the door open for her. As she walked through, his eyes dropped to her upper arm, and he commented, "Nice bird."

"Thanks." On her nineteenth birthday, she'd gotten a colorful peacock on her left arm, much to her dad's dismay.

It was partly born out of rebellion, but mostly it was a way for her to feel ownership over her body. All of her life, her body had been broken. She’d been poked and prodded and filled with medications, none of it anything she had control over. Getting inked had given her control.

After getting ‘Just Breathe’ on her wrists for her eighteenth birthday and the peacock a year later, getting a tattoo on her birthday had become a tradition. It was a way to celebrate surviving another year. She was due for another soon, and for the first time since she'd begun the ritual, she had no idea what she was going to get. Typically, she had several designs that she was deciding between, but this year nothing was speaking to her.

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