Page 80 of Burden to Bear

“I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and realizing that you deserve so much better than what he gave you,” Brock said, his thumb stroking slowly over the back of my hand.

“Thanks. I guess that’s where I’m conflicted, though. I mean, I know there’s not a chance I’ll ever go back to him. He proved to me that I can’t trust him to protect my heart. It would be miserable for the both of us if I ever went down that path with him again. But beyond that, I wonder about his sudden change of heart. I wonder what prompted it. Like, what was it that made him decide this is what he wanted when he’d been so adamant about not wanting a baby? I don’t know. I’m just wary, because it doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“I think that’s wise,” Brock said. “In fact, I think it’s going to be a great thing for you to have that cautious attitude with him moving forward, especially once the baby arrives. I don’t know him well, but based on what I’ve witnessed, he doesn’t seem like a reliable guy without self-serving interests.”

“You’re exactly right. And that’s where the problem lies. Because deep down, I want him to be part of his child’s life. Unless it’s a case of abuse, I can’t imagine any world where one parent wouldn’t want the other parent involved. I just hope he’s genuine in his desire to be a father.”

Following a beat of silence, Brock asked, “Do you truly think it’s possible he’s not? Would he come over here and propose and make promises about your future together as a family if he wasn’t serious about it?”

I’d asked myself that same question, but I didn’t have any answers. I sent a look of indifference Brock’s way. “I don’t know. It’s like you said. Todd can be selfish, so it’s hard not to wonder if there was another motive or if he was serious about wanting to make a real effort at it.”

A look I’d never seen before washed over Brock’s expression. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was clear there was something he was struggling with. Given the step we’d just taken in our relationship and the declarations we’d both made, ignoring that look wasn’t an option for me.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” I pleaded with him.

There was a moment of hesitation before he asked, “If he’d been serious about it all, if he was genuine, do you think turning him down was the best option? Do you think you might regret your decision not to accept his proposal?”

As soon as he got the words out, I understood the look I’d seen on his face moments earlier. Brock was worried that the decision I made today would come back to haunt me, that I’d wish I’d worked it out with Todd instead of being honest about my feelings for Brock in this moment.

“I think I’d feel regret over walking away from a man who has shown me what it’s like to be treated right,” I admitted. “I’m not suggesting people don’t deserve second chances. The problem is that Todd didn’t put in the effort to get that second chance sooner. Sure, he apologized for, as he put it, freaking out about the pregnancy, but it took him months to do it. I won’t lie. He said a lot of the right things. But they were all things I would have wanted to hear when I told him I was pregnant, and if not then, at least within the first few weeks of learning about it. Not now, not seven months into it. Truthfully, I think it was unfair of him to think what he did tonight was the way to go. At this point, I don’t think it’s wise for me to sit and speculate about his true intentions, because I’ll just drive myself crazy. He’s going to do whatever he’s going to do, and I’m going to just keep moving forward with my own life without any regrets.”

Brock smiled and his hand drifted along my arm, up toward my shoulder. He propped his head up in his opposite hand and said, “A life that now involves you and I having said some pretty big stuff to one another.”

There was that.

I’d been so caught up in the moment from the second I opened the door to Todd to this very minute. Brock and I had said some rather wonderful things to and about one another, and while I was certain I’d never forget a single word we said, especially the ones he said to me, it hadn’t had a chance to sink in just yet.

I returned his smile. “Yes. That is what life is now, and I’m still in a bit of shock about it.”

He chuckled. “That makes two of us.”

“I’ll be honest, I’ve been very confused over the last several months when it comes to you,” I shared.

Brock’s bewilderment was immediate and plain as day. “Why is that?”

To ease the tension I could easily see in his expression, I smiled. “I couldn’t quite grasp how you really felt about me. There were moments that made me think that you were just being a nice guy and a friendly neighbor. But there were several other instances when I thought you might have some interest in me that went beyond friendship. Of course, no matter how much I wanted to lean into those feelings and hope for something meaningful beyond friendship between us, I always found a way to convince myself that you being interested like that wasn’t a possibility. Usually, by the next time I was around you again, I was back to believing you were just being a nice guy who was raised right and enjoyed having some company occasionally.”

Laughter filled the air, and Brock leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead. The sweet gesture sent my heart racing. Even though we’d just had sex, we’d also shared our first kiss tonight, too. I wasn’t exactly used to soft, intimate touches from Brock just yet.

My heart racing as his lips lingered there, Brock shared, “I’ve been attracted to you since the day you moved in, showed up at my garage, and introduced yourself. I was immediately intrigued by you. Not only were you gorgeous, but I liked how you were so upbeat and outgoing. Even that first day at the mailbox before your ex showed up, I liked how easy it was to have a conversation with you. Obviously, I tried to not allow myself to get too caught up since you were tied to someone else, but that all changed the day Izzy and I saw you outside and you told her you no longer had a boyfriend.”

Warmth moved through me, and I loved it so much, I wanted more. “That was so many months ago. It feels like so much has happened since then.”

With his fingers stroking gently across the skin on my shoulder, Brock pulled back and smiled. “A lot has happened since then, but I’ve loved every minute of it.”

I thought back on the last few months, on how much Brock and I had experienced together—our walks, meetings at the mailbox, occasional dinners together, building the baby’s crib, watching movies, spending time at the beach with Izzy, and even the block party. The list seemed endless, and each of those moments with him had made me smile.

When the weight of my feelings hit me earlier in the evening when Brock had been standing in my doorway, it was all those things we’d done together over the last several months that ran through my mind.

It was that which made me ask what I did next. “Do you know exactly when it happened for you?”

“What?”

“You said you fell in love with me,” I reminded him. “Was there a specific moment when it happened for you, or do you think it was a gradual thing?”

The question was a big one, and I expected Brock would need some time to come up with his answer, but he surprised me and didn’t hesitate to respond. “I think falling for you happened over time the more we were around one another, but I remember the moment it hit me.”

My eyes widened, excitement surging in my chest. “When was it?” I asked eagerly.

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