Page 22 of Burden to Bear

She returned a look that told me she was sympathetic to my situation and mindset. “I don’t want you to feel bad, Mia. I totally understand where you’re coming from and why you needed time. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was here and ready to talk whenever you were.”

Susie had made that much clear over the last few weeks. There was a small part of me that believed it was strange to be sitting here with Todd’s sister, but Susie had always been incredibly sweet to me. We’d gotten along great from the start, and I’d considered her a good friend. I could only hope, regardless of how things went with Todd when it came to his baby, that Susie and the rest of her family would still want to stick around and be in this baby’s life.

“I appreciate that more than I can tell you,” I promised her. “And I’m glad we can actually be here, talking civilly and enjoying lunch together, despite Todd and I no longer being together.”

Disappointment crept into her expression and marred her features. “I still don’t understand why Todd is acting the way he is. I told him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life by walking away from you. Our parents told him the same thing.”

While I’d felt some uncertainty about how this was all going to go between Susie and me today, I hadn’t realized just how much tension and stress I’d been feeling until she’d said what she’d just said.

There was something so wonderfully reassuring about knowing that even if Todd wasn’t interested in maintaining our relationship—romantic or otherwise—at least his family wasn’t going to cut me off.

“Well, I certainly won’t say it’s been easy,” I started. “But as difficult as it’s been these last few weeks, I’ve realized I need to stick to my guns and do what’s best for me in this situation. Todd has his mind made up about where he wants his life to go, and as much as it surprised me to learn the way that I did about where he stood, it is what it is. I can’t sit and dwell on it. A baby didn’t factor into it for Todd, and all I can do now is accept where he stands, move forward, and do what I’ve got to do to prepare for life as a single mom.”

I had hoped Susie would tell me that she understood where I was coming from, that she and the rest of her family would be there to make sure her nephew or niece would know his or her dad’s side of the family, regardless of what Todd chose to do.

But Susie didn’t tell me that.

In fact, Susie stared at me like she’d just been slapped across the face.

Her reaction was unexpected and alarming enough that I quickly ran through what I’d just said to figure out why she seemed so visibly stunned. Was she upset that I’d decided the best thing for me to do was try to move on and focus on where my life was heading without factoring Todd into the decision? Surely, she had to be able to understand why that was my only option.

Since she seemed unable to respond, I figured it was best to try to clarify my position. “Look, Susie, I realize that the ideal situation in theory would be for Todd and me to be together, preparing for this new stage in our lives as a couple. Unfortunately, that’s not an option, because he doesn’t want it. And I tried in the beginning. But I can’t spend this entire pregnancy fighting with my baby’s father just to get him to see that he’s making a mistake. At this point, it’s not about how I feel. I didn’t arrive at this place overnight, but I’m doing my best to focus on what’s most important right now, and that’s this baby.”

“What?”

“The relationship Todd and I had together is over, because that’s what he chose. I’m doing the best I can to move past that now, and as much as it hurts to know my baby won’t have his father in his life, I’m not sitting around crying over the fact that Todd no longer wants to be in my life,” I explained.

Susie shook her head, her lips parted in shock. “You’re pregnant?”

I blinked my eyes rapidly, jerking back in my seat.

This whole time I’d been rambling on and on about this baby, and Susie had no idea I was pregnant. Why did she think Todd and I broke up? What had he told his family?

“You didn’t know?” I countered, the disbelief evident in my tone.

Susie continued to shake her head. “No. Not at all. That’s why you and Todd are no longer together?”

“Yes. I thought he told you on Christmas Eve,” I answered. “That’s when I told him. We were supposed to be heading to dinner together that night with your family, and I thought I’d surprise him with an early gift by sharing the news with him. I thought he might be excited and want to share it with the family that night. Obviously, I was wrong about how he’d react to the news. I don’t understand, though. What did he tell you? Why did you think we broke up?”

There was an extended silence, and I could see how much Susie was struggling to wrap her head around the news she’d just learned. “He… he just said that the two of you were taking some time apart. That you both needed some time to figure out where you wanted to go, if you both wanted the same things in life. But you’re telling me you were pregnant the whole time?”

“Yes. And I thought you all knew. Even if Todd didn’t give the details on Christmas Eve, I assumed he would have said something when the split was made official between us just after the new year.”

“Why? What happened then?” she questioned me.

I pressed my lips together, unsure how and what to share with her. I didn’t necessarily want to keep any of this from Susie or the rest of her family, but Todd should have been the one to tell them the truth. But now that we were here, now that it had been months and he hadn’t said anything to them, I couldn’t keep this from her.

“I had called Todd to let him know I was going to be heading to my first appointment,” I shared. “I let him know the date, time, and location in case he wanted to be there. He never showed up, so I made one last-ditch effort. I went to his place after that appointment and gave him an ultrasound photo. I thought it might make him realize what he was giving up, what he was missing out on.”

“And you’re telling me it didn’t?”

I shook my head. “Susie, I’m sorry, but he told me he wanted me to get an abortion, that he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I had no idea. Mia, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you,” I assured her.

She wiped at her tears just as our server turned up with our meals. Recognizing Susie was in no position to do it herself, I requested additional napkins and thanked the server. Once he walked off, Susie begged, “Can you start at the beginning and tell me what exactly happened?”

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