Page 25 of Nothing Without You

Tears were in her mother’s eyes, but Evie didn’t feel sorry for her. Not one little bit. ‘I’m sorry, Evie. Maybe when you’re older, you’ll understand.’

She had never heard such anger in her father’s voice. ‘What will Evie understand? That her mother has run off with a teacher from school? That you deserted your only daughter? Do you think she will ever forgive you?’

‘Ours is not a marriage, Carlo. I need to be loved, and you don’t give me that. You haven’t for many years. It’s a farce. I’m sick of pretending. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have affairs with women when you’re in Sydney, so don’t play the innocent with me. At least I’m honest about what I’m doing and who I’m with.’

Her father’s voice was a whisper. ‘Evie. Go to your room.’

Her mother rounded on him, her hand gripping the top of the chair. ‘It’s true, isn’t it? You have lovers in Sydney. I’m not stupid, Carlo. Who is it? The secretary in the store in Sydney, or the sales lady who rings you sometimes. Those women positively fawn over you. I’m being honest, so why can’t you?’

The air was tense, and Evie tried to figure out what the shift in their antagonism was. Her father’s face was set and angry, with a look of hurt in his eyes, yet also a look as if he was going to say something. Her words came out before she could stop them.

‘It is true, Dad? Have you got a woman in Sydney?’

He didn’t answer and Evie’s eyes opened wide. She knew he wouldn’t lie. He never would. So why wasn’t he answering her? ‘Dad, please. Is what Mum says true?’

Her dad slumped back in his chair. He muttered as he ran his hands through his hair, and Evie’s heart felt like it would explode into a million pieces. It wasn’t just her mother who was with someone else. She could tell from the look on his face that he also had something to confess. ‘God forgive me for what I am about to say,’ he muttered as both Evie and her mum turned to stare at him.

Chapter Twenty-One

The clock struck six thirty, and at the same time the phone started ringing. No one moved, and the premonition of something even more dreadful hung in the air. Evie stared hard at her father. For some reason, the thought of him being with another woman was harder to bear than her mother having sex with Mr McIntosh, and then moving away with him.

As the chimes of the clock sounded, her father’s voice broke her thoughts. She could hardly hear him and she strained to listen, the colour draining from her mother’s face as he talked. ‘I don’t have a woman in Sydney.’ He looked from Mother, back to Evie. ‘I have a boyfriend in Sydney.’

Evie closed her eyes and hoped that everything she could see and hear would go away, and the earth would swallow her up. She wished she was one of those girls who fainted when everything became too much, and that blackness would envelop her. Her mind whirled. She had heard of people who liked people of the same sex, but she did not know anyone like that. People talked about the two women who lived together on the other side of town. They said they were homosexuals. Layla always told stories about them. ‘They say they sleep in the same bed together. That they don’t like men; they like women.’

Evie had never really thought about it too much. Maybe the two women were good friends and just liked living together? She had only ever heard vague stories about pooftas, or homos as the kids called them. She certainly didn’t know any. They both stared at Father. The clock ticked. The phone rang again. But no one moved.

‘So, Maya, you are not the only one living a lie. You, me, no one is better than the other. You are in love with another man, and so am I.’

Evie’s body froze, and she realised she was holding her breath. When she let it out, a funny squeaky noise came out of her mouth. It wouldn’t have mattered if anyone heard it though, because it appeared that neither of her parents cared if she was there or not. They faced each other as if she didn’t exist, both caught up in the perils of their own stories.

‘Another man?’ Her mother’s voice was high-pitched, and alarm was written all over her face. ‘You mean, you’re a poofta?’

‘That is not a word that should be used. I have a boyfriend. So do you. What is the difference? ’ He laughed, a hysterical, high-pitched sound that Evie had never heard before. Had everyone lost their minds? Maybe she should add to the spread of information that the boy she had always thought she would marry was also screwing someone else. As if either would care. Her predicament meant nothing to either of them.

Her mother slumped back in her chair, the colour draining from her face. ‘I’m still going to go, Carlo. Maybe I need to leave even more now. No one can know about this. You mustn’t tell anyone.’ She turned to Evie. ‘You cannot tell a soul, Evie. If this ever became general knowledge, all our lives would be ruined.’

Words bubbled out of Evie’s mouth before she could stop them. ‘So, you running off with Mr McIntosh is not going to ruin all our lives? What’s the difference? You’ve both gone mad, and no one gives a shit about me.’

Mother and Father spoke at the same time. ‘Don’t swear, Evie.’

Now she’d had enough. ‘How dare you tell me not to swear!’ She swung her gaze from one to the other. ‘How dare you! All of your lectures and rules, telling me what I’m allowed to do and not do, and now you’re both …’ She lost her words.

‘I’m so sorry Evie, but I have to go.’ Mother looked up at the clock on the wall. Six forty-five. She stood up. ‘I’m sorry Carlo. I’ve made up my mind. I’ve given my entire life to the two of you. You’ll be alright here with your father, Evie. He looks after you better than I do anyway. I’ll ring you when I’m settled, and maybe you can come and stay with us in the school holidays. David has taken leave from work as of today, and he’s picking me up at seven. We’re heading south, towards Sydney. Nothing will stop me leaving.’

The three of them stared at each other, and Mother jutted her chin out as she stood up and walked forward. She wrapped her arms around Evie and hugged her. Evie never flinched. Not one part of her body responded; she stood still, unmoving.

Her parents stared at each other, neither speaking. The phone rang again, its tone incessant, and Evie thought how the ringing noise had a sense of urgency. She didn’t want to answer it. Maybe it was Chris checking she was going to meet him tonight? He was in for a shock too.

Her mother walked towards the phone, and the ringing stopped as she answered it. Her father held his hand out towards Evie, but she crossed her arms and looked at the ground. Her mother leaving was tumultuous enough, never mind what Father had told them. Her mind couldn’t even begin to process what it actually meant—him ‘having a boyfriend’.

In the background she could hear her mother talking, but everything seemed jumbled, and her mind reeled with the overload of information. How were they going to survive without her mother? What was she going to tell people? The realisation of the relationship hit her in the chest. Chris and his sisters would also be without a father. People in the town would guess. They would work it out. Her mother and his father disappearing at the same time. How was that going to remain a secret? Her life was over.

She remained standing, her arms crossed, tears running down her face. No mother. No boyfriend. And a father who had a boyfriend. Her father’s words broke through her thoughts. ‘Evie, please. This is not how I wanted you to find out. In fact, if your mother wasn’t leaving, I may never have said anything. Please, listen to me. This will make no difference to you and me. If your mother is going to leave, I will look after you. We will be okay.’

‘No, we won’t. What about when you have to go to Sydney for business.’ That word now took on a whole new meaning. ‘I have two years of school left. Maybe I’ll just leave and get a job now. That would make it easier for everyone.’

‘You won’t leave school. You are going to university.’

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