I’ll carry her with me in memory, and I’ll come here to share pieces of my life with her. I glance around the cemetery at all the graves. Maybe we can spruce the entire place up. Expand the gardens to encompass the family cemetery. Make it a place of remembrance instead of one of death.
The sun sets with an indigo haze overhead, and amber-colored solar lights flick on, hanging from the two trees and lighting the path back home. We stay for a while longer while I tell Andrei stories about my mother: who she was, how she loved, and which parts of her I see reflected within me.
Two Months Later
Snow blankets the ground in a sheet of white, undisturbed if it weren’t for my trek to my mother’s memorial. Andrei insists on having our groundskeepers shovel the snow, but I like how quiet everything is in the winter. The whole world stills, waiting on bated breath for the first stirrings of spring.
I can’t believe how quickly time has flown by, nor can I believe how much has changed in a few short months. I’m more fluent in Russian thanks to Ezra’s tutelage, and I can navigate the entire city without relying on a GPS. Andrei has introduced me to every prominent member of society that we’re on good terms with, and the children’s home is flourishing with its new headmistress and foster program in full swing.
I couldn’t have done any of it alone. And now, especially, I’ll need more help than ever.
I lay out the waterproof blanket I brought with me, then sit in the middle of my mother’s grove. I lay a second, thick wool blanket over my legs and wrap my cloak tighter around me. My breaths puff into the air and crystallize in the freezing temperatures. I won’t be able to stay out here too long, but there’s something I need to confess.
I lace my fingers together in my lap. “I think I might be pregnant.” I’ve felt different lately. Cramping at random moments. A little irrational with my emotions. “I haven’t taken a test or anything, and I haven’t told my husbands. I’m not sure what they’ll say.”
Andrei wants at least one child, maybe more. He says he’s okay with adopting, but I know he’d love one of his creation. Mikhail plays indifferent, but he’s become obsessed with filling me with his cum and keeping his cock buried inside for as long as possible. I know it’s because he’s trying to get me pregnant. And Ezra . . . he’s the one with that unmistakable glimmer of hope in his eyes. He does well with the kids at the orphanage, but I catch him watching me interact with the children more and more as time goes on.
They all want hope for our future.
But I don’t know if I’m ready for it.
“Were you ready to be a mom?” I listen for any sign that she’s here with me. A bird chirps nearby, and I imagine that it’s her. “I know that you married young and that your main purpose was producing an heir.” I bite my lip. It’s the same role I was meant to play, in the before. Things are different now, and I have an active role in decisions involving the Bratva and its people. But does that mean that I can have a baby girl and everything will still be okay?
“I don’t know how to tell them.”
I guess I should take a test first. But they’ll know if I go out and buy one.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to find a text from Celia about a gala she’s attending soon, asking if I’m going. I quickly type a message before I lose my nerve.
Can I come over?
Her reply is an immediate yes, and I breathe a sigh of relief. If anyone can keep a secret, it’s Celia. The woman’s been keeping many of her own, lately.
I get Ezra to drop me off in her driveway an hour later. He unclasps my helmet and gives me a tender kiss. “Let me know when ready for pick up.” His phone chimes, and we both already know who it is.
Mikhail’s been agitated that his sister won’t return his calls. He likely received a GPS ping once we arrived at her house.
“He is stubborn bastard,” Ezra sighs. “I will handle him. Enjoy visit, lisichka.” We kiss a little longer before I walk to the front door. Once Celia opens it with a wave, he drives off into the distance.
Celia ushers me inside, and the first thing I notice is that her home feels more lived-in than before. The blanket on the couch isn’t folded, the candles around the house have all been burned to the ends, and there are handprints on some of her walls that you can see in the right slant of light. I raise an eyebrow at a bottle of lube I spy on her coffee table.
She clears her throat and shoves the bottle into a random drawer. “Excuse the mess. I’ve had company.”
“I can see,” I muse, trying to hide my smile but failing. “It must be really good company if you left the lube out.” I laugh as she blushes crimson, like I’ve caught her in a scandal. “I’m not judging, I promise! I’m happy for you!”
Celia sucks her cheeks in. “Thank you. It’s all very new. I’m still adjusting to things.” She brushes chestnut hair over her shoulder, revealing a love bite she may not realize is there. “But that conversation calls for wine. White or red, Val?” She slips into the kitchen and pops open her wine cooler.
“None for me, thanks.”
Her hand freezes on the door, and she turns to face me in slow motion. “Are you sure? I’ve got a peach flavor that’s to die for.” She smiles, but it’s pinched at the edges. “Too early for a drink?”
I clear my throat. “I actually wanted your help with something. I know it’s rude to come over and ask for a favor, but?—”
She shakes her head, shutting the wine cooler and coming over to take both my hands in hers. “Never apologize. We’re sisters, Valentina. What do you need?”
Her warm chocolate eyes bore into mine. When we first met, I thought she was a spitting image of her brother, but her eyes are a shade lighter, and a few freckles dust her cheeks, whereas Mikhail has none. Taking a breath, I ask for the secret favor. “Please don’t tell them, but I think I might be pregnant. Do you have a test I could use?”
Her eyes tear up a little, and she nods. “Of course, honey.” She swipes her eyes, a tiny laugh spilling past her lips. “Oh, look at me. I’m such a mess. Sorry about the tears.” She takes a quick breath. “I have plenty of tests, Valentina. Take as many as you’d like, then you can take some home, too, okay?”