Page 41 of Scorched Hearts

“You scared us all.” Ramirez nodded. “You must be a really tough thing to have survived that.”

Everyone agreed, looking at Elle with compassion. She felt awkward, almost pitied, and wanted to change the tone of the conversation as quickly as possible.

“To be honest, guys, I feel kind of shitty. I won’t be able to help you anymore, and the city is still such a mess.”

“Elle, I never took you for someone prone to self-pity,” O’Malley said in a mocking tone of surprise but was quickly silenced by a critical look from Ramirez and the rest.

“You’re right.” Elle nodded, “That is self-pitiful. But I’m also trying to be honest.”

“We’ve got a lot of firefighters. One, even as brilliant as you, won’t make such a big difference,” Ramirez said matter-of-factly, but her voice carried something gentle within it, something that truly reassured Elle.

She could only say hmm, to affirm Ramirez’s words. But she was afraid that if she lets the words out of her mouth, she might feel like crying again. The situation overwhelmed her, and she felt weak in the face of it, unsure of how to react or cope. She didn’t want to ask her friends to leave, but also the crowd around her hospital room wasn’t helping.

When a doctor together with a nurse entered and asked everyone to leave, Elle felt awash in relief. With time, increased pain entered her consciousness, and her breathing became more erratic. She grew more tired by the minute.

“How are you feeling, Ms. Rodriguez?”

What followed was tiring and long, questions about feeling in various parts of her body, the level of pain, and her clarity of thought, and Elle began feeling endlessly sleepy, as if something was tugging on her sleeve and pulling her into an abyss of dreams, rest, calm. The doctor looked worried.

“Do you not feel that, Ms. Rodriguez?”

“What?” she asked, suddenly wide awake by the nervous feeling that something was wrong, based on the doctor’s expression. Something had to be wrong, and she didn’t know what.

“I’m touching your leg,” he explained gently.

Elle looked down to where his hand was. He was indeed touching her leg, but she couldn’t feel anything. She looked up at him, terrified, seeing her entire career dissolving right in front of her eyes.

“What happened?” she asked when he removed his hand and hurriedly took notes. He looked compassionate but moved somewhat automatically, his compassion a trained and contained expression. She didn’t know how to feel about that specific kind of coolness.

“You suffered a serious brain injury. Some paralysis should be expected, even considering the express first aid you received. We will work on rehabilitation, of course.”

“So I will get back to the way I was before?” Elle fired, impatient.

“We can’t know for sure, ma’am. For now, try to get as much rest as possible. You’re still in the very early stages of recovery.” He smiled encouragingly and left the room.

The nurse quickly followed, having shown Elle the way to call if she were in need of anything and supplying her with a set of new water bottles. Having learned about her state, all tiredness escaped Elle’s body. She felt nervous and on edge, uncertain about her professional future, and most of all, lost. She tried remembering what had led to the accident but couldn’t remember anything besides an abysmal feeling of stress. Must have been before she was hit by the debris. She grew scared that it was her own fault, that due to her being distracted, she’d made a mistake, and out of politeness, none of the visitors had told her. Fear nested itself in her stomach and sat there until her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing on the nightstand. Its vibrations were bringing it closer and closer to the edge of the stand, so finally, Elle reached to pick it up.

“Yes?” she said, still completely unused to the weak sound of her voice.

“Elle?” Captain Hunter, of all people, Elle was definitely not expecting it to be her on the phone. “How are you feeling?”

“Uhm… Well, difficult to say.” Elle felt unprepared to describe her state, though she realized she’d have to endure many such conversations in the following weeks. “It’s not a great feeling to be lying here while all of you are still facing whatever’s left of the earthquake’s destruction. How is it going, by the way?”

“Hmm... We managed to rescue many people from the unfortunate shopping center. You know the one. Don’t beat yourself up. You know it’s ridiculous to feel guilty. We’re going to manage. We only need you to take your time healing, and maybe also have a good chat with Maya.”

“How do you all know Maya?” Elle could swear she heard Hunter smirk while saying that last part. She had no idea what could have happened during those few days she was unconscious.

“We met her in the hospital. She was the one who sewed you up, by the way.”

“What?” Elle could believe what she was hearing.

“Yeah, was I not supposed to tell you that? She was there, carried you on the stretchers and did surgery on you in the ambulance. Rode with you all the way, too. She really cares about you, so don’t fuck it up, huh?”

“Well… Thanks for telling me.” Her voice grew a little bit stronger with every word, as if her vocal cords were getting newly used to speaking. “And how’s the.. The girl’s family?”

“Oh.” Hunter quieted down herself now, “Maria’s? She had a beautiful funeral. Of course her family is devastated, but they knew the risk that comes with the job, Elle.”

“Hmm.” Elle wanted desperately to open up to Hunter about the memory of the day and the guilt that followed. It was still hiding in a corner of her mind and still weighed heavy. She wanted to connect with someone who’d been there, too, and ask how Hunter was managing the feeling herself. Elle took a deep breath, then asked, “How are you feeling about it, Hallie?”

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