Page 35 of Scorched Hearts

They fell asleep quickly, both exhausted and infected by the feverish atmosphere of grief. Grief for Maria, and grief for all the victims as well, nameless to their minds yet still carrying the weight of death with them, the silent thickness of tragedy in the air. Their sleep was of the deepest kind, the kind children experience. The type that bodies craving restoration spin at night, covering the minds of the restless with a thick web of dreams, elaborate images that stretch and pull on the mind, the kind one forgets in the morning as soon as a window gets in the way.

Elle showed up to the station struggling to harness the disarray of her state. She arrived late in yesterday’s half-dried clothes, with yesterday’s conversations on her mind. She soon realized that everything appeared out of joint—the firefighters as well as the captains appeared equally distracted, overcoming some internal chaos.

There was word going around about the deceased firefighter—various hypotheses and rumors, spread about by those absent from the scene who had heard through the news and word of mouth. Those who had been on the scene tried quieting the rumors down, tried swallowing their own grief like a pill without any water to help it go down. Elle understood that their work was to become even more difficult than it had been before.

She noticed a bunch of her friends talking in hushed voices around the corner.

“I heard she was the daughter of so-and-so, and that’s how she got to be on such a high-risk mission so early…”

Elle came up to them from the back, saying, “Johnson, you always make so much sense, don’t you? I’m sure it makes sense for a father to make his daughter take part in situations where she’s more likely to die. That’s so clever of you to say!” She was getting ahead of herself but was oddly enjoying the ride and the release it provided.

“That’s just what I’ve heard, anyway.” Johnson shrugged.

“Don’t parrot random shit that you hear, then.” Elle wasn’t done. “It’s offensive to speak of the dead this way, so if you have nothing respectful to say, I’d rather you’d just stay quiet.”

“Jesus.” Haley sighed, essentially putting the last nail to her coffin.

“The fuck do you roll my eyes at me for?” Elle’s face grew redder.

“I didn’t-”

“Did you know that she was younger than you?”

Haley clearly didn’t. Her face froze, and she slowly shook her head.

“Yeah. Significantly younger, like twenty-one. Died on the spot. So shut up about her. Just shut up. I don’t want to hear you--”

“Rodriguez!” Ramirez’s voice cut through the argument.

“Yes, captain?” Elle turned around to face her.

“Come with me to my office, now.”

Elle nodded and left Haley and the crowd without another word. She obediently followed Ramirez to the office, closing the door behind her as instructed. She didn’t know what to expect and didn’t much care. Her mind was so on edge that she barely could understand the consequences of anything. They sat down facing each other.

“Why are you starting fights with your fellow firefighters?” Ramirez began with no bullshit, as was her habit.

“I wasn’t starting a fight, captain,” Elle asserted. “I was trying to stop the festering rumors from spreading.”

“People will always talk, Rodriguez. Let them talk. We have more important--”

“More important things than respecting to dead in the line of duty for our fellow firefighter?” Her eyes welled with tears, but she bravely tried to contain her voice in one piece.

Ramirez understood something then, something that had apparently been lacking before. She slowly nodded.

“You were there, weren’t you?”

“Did you not know?” Elle felt anger and irritation spread all around her limbs.

“No. I’d left by the time the tragic accident happened. But you were still there?”

“I--” Elle felt her throat tighten again, but she pushed through, “It was my fault that she fell.”

“What do you mean?” Ramirez leaned in toward Elle. “What do you mean exactly?”

“I saw that she wasn’t well prepared for this situation, and I called Hunter too late. I could’ve kept a better eye on her.”

Ramirez quickly stopped her, raising her hand. “Elena, you need to cut this out. What happened, happened. It’s a hideous reality, but it happened. You know that’s not truly your fault. You went above and beyond in informing the captain of your suspicions. That’s all you could’ve done.”

---