Page 47 of Scorched Hearts

“Maya, you should get some actual rest before you go back to work, you know,” Elle kept saying while messing with Maya’s hair. “I’ll be worried about you otherwise.”

“I’ll go.” She sighed. “I just don’t want to leave you again, I’ve missed you so much, and you’re finally awake.”

“You’ll visit me again soon.” Elle lifted Maya’s face to meet her eyes. “You will, right? You’ll visit me very soon?”

“Of course.” Maya took Elle’s hands in her own. “And make sure to keep me updated on your treatment. Run everything by me, okay?”

Elle grunted. Maya knew she felt babied by the request.

“Okay?” she repeated. “It’s important, I want you to get an opinion from as many specialists as you can, and that includes me.”

“Yeah I guess,” Elle said, but then she made an effort to add, “Thank you. You’re being helpful, I know. Thank you.”

Maya kissed her forehead again, delighting in being able to do so. She now had the forehead kissing license back indeterminably. That made her want to giggle and do it all over again.

“I’m so happy to be with you,” she confessed, prolonging the moment on Elle’s bed.

“I’m happy to be with you, too. Hopefully I’ll be with you out of this hospital soon. Now go! Pack your things, Maya,” she laughed, “you need to take care of yourself, too.”

Maya nodded, beginning to pack her stuff. Over the course of the last twenty hours she’d managed to get everything tangled with Elle’s things, abandoned in various places around the bed. It made her happy to be so comfortable with Elle as to show her messiness, let her things fall and be lost. She knew they’d find them again, together.

Having packed everything, it was time for her to go. She stood next to the bed, unable to say goodbye.

“We’ll see each other again soon,” she said, reassuring herself more than Elle.

“We have to.” Elle nodded. “But you also have to take care of our city. I can wait for a little while.”

“All right. All right. Don’t be trite.” Maya laughed. “But you’re right. There’s still so much to do… Hopefully we’ll put this whole earthquake avalanche of tragedy behind us soon.”

“Hopefully,” Elle agreed.

They shared an overly long goodbye hug, then Maya was finally on her way. She felt upset to have to leave Elle, her heart breaking on her way to the car, but the premise of falling asleep in her bed seemed irresistibly delicious to her. For too many nights she had skipped or foregone sleep or slept in the hospital chair, and now the idea of her tailored mattress and light, summer duvet that would envelop her with softness called.

On the way, she thought about calling her parents under the pretext of checking in on the progress of their building renovations, of course, but really for some other, unclear to her reason. She sometimes had the impulse to talk to them in moments of joy or achievement, as if to say: Look! The life you brought into the world is not so bad at all. Perhaps it was from some blend of gratefulness and desire to share her joy. How strange, she thought, to have grown estranged from those who brought her here in the first place, from those who’d given her the opportunity to experience all the richness of life. But then, maybe the ones who shared these joys and the richness of it mattered most.

She yawned, entering her apartment. Its large windows let in thick rays of sunlight, and she thought of the way she’d spend the day before going to sleep early. She couldn’t allow herself to sleep through the day unless she wanted her circadian rhythm to be completely ruined. The sun was so tempting, she decided to go for a stroll in the nearby park. Its alleys were always overflowing with people, and she liked to watch them. Glance here then there, see grandmas pushing baby strollers with their grandchildren, young couples walking their dogs, or little kids learning to walk, chuckling and falling into their parents’ arms.

Yes, she would go to the park, feel the sunlight soak her skin and remember that everything between her and Elle would be good from now on, her injury their only pressing obstacle. She set her bag down and went to change into fresh clothes. Even at the brink of autumn, she felt springful, reborn in the city of her past. She thought about places that could change skin like a serpent, wriggle out of the scales of memories and inhabit something new, some hopeful corners of the future where there was still space for things to come.

She made herself green tea before leaving, watching the steam evaporate toward her ceiling. Would she need to let go of her place to live with Elle? She didn’t want to be the one making sacrifices again. She promised herself that she’d think the matter through and let Elle know her preference, without shaming or disregarding her own opinions. She knew Elle would take it, striving to figure out something to suit them both. She took long sips of the tea, feeling it warm her stomach. Then she set the empty cup down and went out to taste the sun.

17

ELLE

The pain soared through her limbs, carrying her mind somewhere far and bright, unreal from the intensity of the sensations. She felt like crying, but no tears came to her eyes. She was only able to whisper “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” but her physiotherapist was used to her vulgarities by that point. Elle appreciated her steel-like nerves and no-bullshit approach, hiding behind friendly and helpful interactions.

“You’re doing great, Elle.” Michelle held her calves in her hands. “Just a little bit more. You’ve got it! There you go!”

“You’re a fucking sadist, Michelle. You’re a sadist,” Elle said through her clenched teeth as she tried as hard as she could to move the other leg. Her body felt stiff and unused to movement from weeks of lying in the hospital bed.

“Maybe, but at least I’m getting you results,” Michelle said good-naturedly. “Okay, let’s take a break.”

For the past few weeks, Elle had been giving her best at the physiotherapy sessions. When the doctors let her know that there was a glimpse of hope that she could walk again, Elle put every bit of strength toward achieving that goal. Her sessions were exhausting and long, but the work was paying off. She could walk a few steps, even though her brain was screaming at her not to, even though her legs felt on fire. Michelle was Maya’s colleague and practically the best physiotherapist in the city. She often pushed Elle to her utmost limits, but she always knew when to stop. Their relationship grew strong with time, and Elle was increasingly able to trust Michelle’s judgment.

“Should we call it a day, then?” Elle said, feeling like a sweaty, panting mess.

“I think so. How are you feeling?” Michelle patted Elle’s back, gathering up her things.

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