“What’s going on?” Hallie asks calmly, just overwhelmed with relief that they both made it through the day alive and unharmed.
“I’m losing my mind, that’s what’s going on! You put your life at risk to save me. You can’t do that, Hallie! You’re supposed to be Queen-fucking-Protocol! How could you just chuck that away and run right into a crumbling high-rise?”
“Why?” Hallie grits out through clenched teeth. “Maybe because my fucking girlfriend got herself trapped when she ignored orders to stick with her squad!”
“Well, you should have left me to deal with my own choices!” Kaia snaps back. “Not made me almost responsible for your death.”
They stare at each other, almost panting with restraint as they try to keep their furious tones hushed within the privacy of their women-only space.
“You don’t get to make your stupid choices my problem, Kaia. I saved your life because I couldn’t bear to lose you,” Hallie rasps around the rising lump in her throat. “But I’m getting tired of trying to reign in your reckless instincts. I’ve done everything I can to teach you and you still barrel in, guns blazing, without a second thought for your squad or your own safety.”
Kaia’s eyes widen at Hallie’s admission, shame darkening her cheeks as she drops her gaze to the ground.
“I was trying to give my all to the rescue. I was sure we could be doing more,” she mumbles in the direction of her feet.
Hallie heaves a deep sigh, though it quivers in her chest as she tries desperately to hold back tears. “I know you were, Kaia. Your drive and your bravery are admirable, incredible even. But you don’t know everything. And a lone wolf will never belong on my squad.”
“What are you saying?” Kaia’s face snaps up, panic stricken.
“I’m saying you better fall in line or I’m recommending your transfer to another station,” the lieutenant responds. “And I think it’s best for both of us if we end our relationship now, before we both get hurt.”
Hallie inhales a shuddering breath as the first tear breaks free and snakes down her cheek. The shock and hurt in Kaia’s face is a kick in the gut she struggles to take.
Kaia just gapes at her, clearly lost for words at the direction their argument is taking.
“You—you’re breaking up with me? Because I ignored an order?”
“No, Kaia. I’m ending this because we should have never started it in the first place.” Hallie tries to swallow around the emotions that are slicing her up from the inside, fighting to voice her decision in a more level tone.
“You’re right, I could have died today because I was so desperate to get you out of there. We can’t afford to be distracted by our feelings when lives are at stake.”
She grabs her bag from her locker, deciding she’d rather drive home covered in the grime of today’s disaster than stay in this room with Kaia for another second.
The devastation would crush her in seconds, and she’d take it all back.
“I’m sorry, Kaia,” she chokes out, turning to grip the door handle with shaking fingers. “We’ll just have to act like none of this ever happened. It’s safer for both of us that way.”
Without daring to glance back, she strides from the locker room.
Somehow managing to make it the entire drive home before breaking down, Hallie pushes open her apartment door in a daze. Only when she’s closed it behind her and turned the lock does her composure finally crack. She collapses to the floor in her hallway as silent tears stream unbidden down past her clenched jaw.
12
KAIA
Not trusting herself to drive, Kaia walks the five miles back to her apartment. The world around her blurs into a hazy smear of streetlights and traffic sounds, muted and distant as if she’s underwater. Her mind is just stuck on a loop, replaying those devastating words over and over until they’re chiseled on the inside of her skull.
We’ll just have to act like none of this ever happened.
The finality she heard in Hallie’s voice weighs on Kaia’s every step like a ball and chain. The distance in the lieutenant’s eyes as she’d turned and walked away, leaving Kaia shattered in her wake. It’s ironic, Kaia thinks to herself bitterly, that the woman who’d made her feel more alive than ever is now the source of a pain so sharp, it steals the breath from her lungs.
The sun has long since set by the time Kaia makes it home. Closing the door and leaning heavily against it, the weight of the day comes crashing down on her. The adrenaline that had sustained her through the harrowing call out and the confrontation with Hallie is gone now, leaving her hollow and aching. Slowly, she drags her feet to her bedroom, collapsing onto her bed and pulling her knees to her chest as if she can physically hold herself together.
But it’s no use.
Harsh sobs wrack her frame as Kaia finally allows herself to fall apart, to feel the full magnitude of the past twelve hours. Kaia’s chest constricts painfully as the reality of it all slams into her with the force of a speeding engine.
Her blazing anger, her reckless defiance, it was all fueled by the sheer terror of watching Hallie risk her own life to save Kaia’s. The thought of losing her, of being the reason her lieutenant never made it out of that crumbling tower, it had clouded Kaia’s vision with a red haze.