“Nothing, baby. I’ve just got a bit of a headache.”
I slide the clear ziplock into my lap, clutching it tight in my fist and taking a deep breath before looking down to see if it’s one little line, or two.
“Coffee and two strawberry pancakes.”
I start at the slightly southern twang of the purple-skinned waitress as she places down our order, and I look up quickly from the test, the results still seared into my sight.
My stomach sinks at the results, and I try again to force a happy, calm expression.
“Thanks, Darleen,” I mutter half-heartedly as I eye her nametag. Despite my best efforts to be discreet, her yellow eyes immediately dart to the test I’m doing a terrible job of hiding in my lap.
“Oh, sugar,” she says softly, before meeting my gaze again. “Is it good news?”
I stretch my lips into a smile, and nod. “Yes, it is.”
She smiles back, but somehow still manages to look worried. “Well, that’s good. You enjoy your meal now and let me know if you need anything else.”
She leaves, and I look back down at the test.
Negative.
Why am I reacting like this? Why am I sad?
I take a deep breath. It is good news. I don’t want Oli. I shouldn’t have another baby under these circumstances. This is all just a hormonal reaction because I’m due for Aunt Flo to visit any minute now.
There’s absolutely nothing for me to be sad about.
Chapter 20
Olistaire
The crisp fall air bites at the exposed skin of my nose as I stride purposefully through the event site bright and early in the morning. I sweep my gaze over the bustling activity around me, as workers scurry about setting up a stage for the band and putting the finishing touches on gazebos dotting the perfectly landscaped, sprawling gardens that sweep out over the west wing of the lodge. Despite the frantic energy surrounding me, I find myself oddly uninterested.
That’s what friends are for…
Grace’s words have been repeating through my thoughts for days. Friends.
I rub at my wrist and keep rubbing as my steps take me through the chaos of the morning, towards where I see Rho and Mal in the distance. I’ve never felt this way before. Confused and agitated and… unsettled. My thoughts simply won’t resolve themselves, and they continue to circle around Grace.
I’ve got you, baby.
Why did those words hit me so hard in the chest? When she sat on my lap, naked and beautiful, and told me she had me while she slid her heat around me, something shifted in my chest. Why did it make me feel wanted, looked after—all these strange, sentimental feelings that had no place popping up when they did. Am I really so pathetic that a bit of meaningless fun would trigger such emotions in me?
It wasn’t meaningless.
The words ring in my head with finality and push out all other sounds.
It’s never been meaningless. Not with her.
My steps slow, and I look up at the blue sky with a faint ringing in my ears. I’m lonely. I’m hollow. But she makes me feel…
“Oli,I’ve been calling your name for a full minute now!” I blink as Sera’s glossy wings flash across my line of sight, and she swoops once through the air around me before landing with a sharp swish of feathers. “Are you alright?”
I take a second to come back out of my thoughts. “Yes.”
“Right,” Sera says slowly, before lifting the tablet in her hands. “Do you have a second? I wanted to finalize the influencer list for this weekend.”
With my strange melancholy still hovering around my shoulders, I do my best to offer her a smile and hold out my hand for the tablet, which she hands over. “Are you… sure you’re alright?”