Page 114 of The Rules of Playing with Fire

“Because you didn’t trust us, you didn’t make us a part of your changing life. You pushed us away. I was worried about you, I tried reaching out, and you blocked my number. Don’t I get to be angry and hurt about that?”

He pulled in a resigned breath. “You do. You have every right to be angry, Sona. But I was so ashamed, I wasn’t in a place where I could explain what I was going through. I didn’t speak to anyone about it until two weeks ago. I…just couldn’t.”

My brows creased as a strange thought hit me. “Mihir, you keep talking about shame. Are you ashamed of the circumstance of your birth…or of your mother?”

Smart as he was, he knew what I was asking. He also knew he couldn’t lie to me. “Both.”

I gasped with disbelief. “Mihir!”

“I know, I shouldn’t be thinking so, but how can I not? I’m the son of a prostitute.”

“A sex worker,” I corrected with a stern edge in my voice. “Someone who had little choice about how she ended there, I would guess.”

“And a pedophile who impregnated her.”

“Oh, Mihir!” I stepped over and hugged him. He cradled his head in my neck, the warmth of his breath sweeping over my skin.

“Where does that leave your parents, then? What about Sneha aunty and Arvind uncle? What’s their contribution to your life?”

He lifted his head and looked me in the eye. “They betrayed my trust.”

“After they gifted you this life,” I offered softly.

“So who am I, then?”

“You’re Mihir Seth, the determined man who always knew what he wanted and how to get it.”

His eyes sunk to the floor. “My name wouldn’t be Mihir.”

“If your birth mother gave them the right to name you, that’s what your name would be. You are Mihir. You brought light and joy into their lives.”

Mihir, the Sun God, the deity of power, strength, and vitality—without whose fire there could be no life.

“I’m proud of you, Mihir, and I bet your parents are too. I can’t imagine what you must have been through these past few months. But I want you to know that there are people in your life who love you unconditionally and want to celebrate you every day.”

He looked at me with eyes that were red with hurt and guilt. “Does that include you?”

I didn’t hesitate to confess the truth. “Yes.” I nodded. “You are loved. So loved!”

His eyes turned softer, his features calmer.

“What happened to your birth mother is a tragedy, but she has nothing to be ashamed about, and neither do you. None of what happened is her fault.”

His eyes glazed in distant thought. “I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of her,” he said in a feeble voice. “I can’t imagine the hardships she must have been through. But I can’t help wondering if I’m a source of shame for her. Will finding her be a reminder of a horrible time? Am I a source of pain to her?”

There was no way I could answer that in any honesty. “We won’t know until we find her,” I said softly. “But isolating yourself can’t be the solution.”

He glanced away. “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up and find out that everything you thought you knew is a lie. That you were unwanted.”

“But you weren’t unwanted. Your biological mom chose to give you away so you could have a better life. You were given and accepted with love. You were wanted.”

“That’s what Mom says.”

“Well, you should heed her words. She’s a wise woman.”

I lowered myself to the edge of his bed.

“We would’ve loved to help you, but you drove us away. When your friends were in pain, when I was in pain, you were there for us. Let us be there for you. Open your eyes, my love, and you’ll see the truth. The real truth, not some phantom you’re chasing.”

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