Page 4 of The Love of Secrets

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here for the self-defense class. I talked to someone about it this morning.”

“I’ll take it from here, Steve.” A deep timber comes from behind the man at the desk, and it goes straight to my core. Fuck, I can’t allow my libido to distract me from what is important: keeping us safe.

Steve nods and leaves us standing there staring at each other. The silence between us drags on as neither of us seems to know what to say. Finally, the man from this morning clears his throat. “Come with me,” he commands, and shit, that does something to me.

I can’t seem to move. An image of Mateo and I lying in bed as he thrusts into me, rubbing my clit as he demands that we come together, takes over. I shake the dirty thoughts from my brain.

Cecilia, this is not the time.

He leads me to a separate room filled with mats. He pulls out some equipment, giving me time to look around, but the room is empty. Not another person. I furrow my brows in confusion. Fuck, did he lead me here under false pretenses? It wouldn’t be the first time a man has led me to believe something, and it turns out to be something else completely. I thought he said this was a class, not a one-on-one? What is he going to do with me? Is he going to hurt me? I walk backward, slowly trying to get out of the room without him noticing. I’ve got experience going unnoticed. But today I don’t seem to be so lucky.

He looks up with a padded helmet in his hand. His jaw tightens when he sees that I’m closer to the door than to him. “Where are you going?” he demands.

My face burns with embarrassment, but my body stiffens with fear. The last time someone spoke to me like that, it was always before my ex was going to do something I didn’t like though I don’t get the feeling that’s what’s going on here. Something in my gut tells me that this guy is safe even though my brain seems in flight mode. I decide to go with my gut before I talk myself out of it.

“I thought this was a class!” A screech so loud comes out of me that even I wince. Surveying the room even more I turn to him. “Where is everyone?”

He grips the helmet in his hands to the point where his knuckles whiten. After a beat, his hands loosen on the helmet. His shoulders relax a bit, but I can tell he’s still guarded. “It’s a new class. We just opened it up.” He replies quietly but curtly as he makes his way to the front of the room.

I just stay there, watching the way all his muscles flex with every move.

“Are we doing this?” The words float over his shoulder as he faces away from me.

I need to do this, no matter how I’m feeling. I push all the fear and lust down and just nod toward him, but I can’t seem to make my legs move.

He notices, but he doesn’t push me. He cocks his head, trying to get a read on me, and then his eyes soften a bit. “What’s your name again?”

“Cecilia,” I whisper.

“Mateo.” His hand presses against his chest. “Now that we know each other, come here, pretty girl.”

With his last command, I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to. It’s as if my body is on autopilot and he’s the one who has the code. I walk over and stop right in front of him. I could just drop to my knees right here, right now. That thought has me furrowing my brows. I’ve never initiated anything in the past. What about this guy makes me feel this way?

He pushes the padded helmet on my head and I must have looked surprised because he gives me a smirk then mumbles, “Safety first.”

“Safety is important.” A smile stretches across my face as the fear that was gripping me from earlier slowly dissipates. Mateo doesn’t say anything, he just continues to buckle the helmet around my chin, checking to make sure that it will not budge. Once he seems satisfied, he takes a step back and the warmth he was giving me has disappeared.

The smirk on his face is gone and back is the scowl from earlier. “Okay, let’s begin. The first thing you need to know is that self-defense is to help you get away from your attacker, not to beat them. Do you understand?”

My eyes drop to the ground. He doesn’t need to know that if Michael ever came near me again, I wouldn’t stop at getting away from him. Not again. If he came face to face, I would make him hurt like he did me.

Mateo grips my chin and lifts my face, forcing me to meet his gaze and my body heats from the lust that is swirling in his dark coffee brown eyes. “Do you understand me?” he asks me again, more firmly this time.

“Yes,” I answer breathlessly. What the hell is happening to me right now? I didn’t even have these feelings when I met Michael.

We stand in a weird silence that fills the room when he stops and begins. “First, you need to remember that when you’re aiming to hit your attacker, you want to hit them in the eyes, nose, toes, groin, stomach and lastly, the side of the neck.” He points to each location on his body as he explains and I nod along as I take in what he’s saying.

He points to my elbow. “You’ll want to use your elbow, fist, knees, and the heel of your foot and hand. You can use your head because it’s hard, but you also want to use it last, if possible. Are you ready to try a move? We can work on one or two?”

“Yes,” I say decisively. I’m ready for this. I need this. If I want to control my destiny, this is where I start. I will let no man control me again.

“I’m going to come up behind you and grab your shoulder.” He taps the arm closest to him to let me know that he’s about to grab it. “Lift this arm.” I do as he says, he then wraps his large hand around my bicep and demonstrates the move while he explains.

“Push out your elbow, hitting me right on the side of my neck as hard as possible. Once you hit them, you will yell and run away.”

I nod at what he is saying, but my words don’t seem to want to come out. With him this close, it feels as if I’m overheating, not allowing my brain to work. His chest brushes against my back and the scent of his cologne, citrus mixed with musk, fills my nostrils as he bends down and whispers in my ear, “Pretty girl, did you hear me, or are you imagining what it would look like if you submitted to me?”

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