Page 12 of The Love of Secrets

Not wanting to say the wrong thing, I stay silent.

“Why are you here?” The question bursts from her lips again.

“I was worried. Are you sick? Is he sick?” Her mask of indifference drops once again as her eyes soften with my question. It’s obvious she’s been deprived of proper love and attention. I fight the urge to embrace her and show her exactly how someone should be with her.

“He’s sick,” she whispers. Her son looks at her, kissing her cheek. “It’s otay, Mama. No sad.”

My stomach churns as the tears begin to slip down her face. I need to do something. That’s when her stomach lets out a loud growl and I can’t help but smile. “Go sit. I’ll make you guys something to eat.”

“You don’t have to do that.” She protests weakly, but I rub my fingertips on her cheeks and she stops talking.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

I don’t say anything else. I just head into the kitchen and open the fridge, looking to see what I can make. She has some vegetables, and ground beef. An idea forms in my mind. I head to the pantry, hoping she has pasta. When I see a box, I grab it off the shelf.

“What are you making?” Cecila’s voice calls from the living room.

“I’m going to make my signature dish: spaghetti.”

Her light laugh floats to me. “Mmm…sounds good.”

“It’s the one thing I know how to make.” There’s a tug on my pants as I’m cutting vegetables for the sauce. I look down into the biggest brown eyes of a toddler.

“Snak?”

I squat down to eye level and shake my head. “No. We’re going to have spaghetti for dinner. Do you like spaghetti?”

“Pasgetti?”

“That’s right, little man. Do you like that?”

A huge grin comes across his face and I’m not sure he understands what I’m saying to him, but he’s happy so I let it go. “Would you like to help?”

“Eyes elp?” The little boy asks.

I don’t answer him, I just give him a big smile while picking him up and placing him on the counter. I hand him a carrot and he gnaws on it. Not exactly what I had in mind, but I don’t really know anything about young kids. Dexter was eight and Alex was six when mom died. Besides I was a kid myself back then.

He seems happy, so I just let it continue to cut up the rest of the food.

“What are you two men up to?” I glance up to see Cecilia bent over the counter, watching us with a look that I can’t quite decipher. At least she doesn’t seem upset.

“Sorry, he came in here and wanted to help.” I explain. I really don’t want to step on any toes. She’s his mom and I want to respect that. She needs to know that she can tell me anything when it comes to her boy, even if it’s not to do something.

“It’s okay. He loves to help me in the kitchen but hasn’t really wanted to do anything since he started to feel sick. He must be feeling better.”

I look back over at the little boy who is quickly making his way into my heart, just like his mama did when I first met her. Dinner comes together quickly, and I pull out some garlic bread I found in the freezer. “Hey, Pretty Girl, you want to grab little man and I’ll bring dinner over?”

Cecilia gives me the biggest smile, and it warms my heart. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Not since my mom was alive. I tried to keep a family feeling after she died but it was too hard, especially with my dad around constantly spewing anger and venom toward us. I spent most of my time protecting my brothers from him.

“Are you close to your family?” Cecilia breaks my thoughts, ironically picking up on exactly what was running through my head.

“Uh. Only my brothers. You?” I turn the question back toward her, not really wanting to go into the dynamics of things.

“Just my brother too, but I haven’t seen him in a while.” A faraway look comes over her.

Neither of us says anything else as we finish getting dinner together. I place the plates down as she buckles Oliver into his highchair.

We stay silent most of dinner except for the little guy who is just blabbering on, talking about his trucks. I zone out thinking about how this could be in my life. A family was never something I’d thought I wanted but sitting here like this makes me want it even more.

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