Page 43 of Smoke and Mirrors

I called in sick this morning, half because I hadn’t had any sleep over the weekend, half because I was scared that if Steven said anything to provoke me today, I would snap and have to wave goodbye to my job.

Even now as I sit on my couch staring aimlessly at the television, my eyes flick back and forth to the door. I can’t figure out if I’m waiting for Kace to come to me or whether my mind is telling me that I need to go to him.

No. I told him to stay away, and like the fucking loyal guy he is, he’s obeying my wishes.

I clutch the couch cushion in my hands, holding it securely to my stomach. I wish he’d ignore what I told him. I wish he would barge through the damn door, pick me up, and crush me to his chest. I close my eyes and think about the soft touch of his lips on my skin, and how no matter how scared I was, how he’d soothed me with such a simple gesture.

Kace is hard, serious, sometimes scary, but when he touches me, it’s gentle like he thinks I’m fragile and need to be cradled carefully.

“Dammit,” I swear in frustration.

I need out.

I need to go somewhere, anywhere. Should I go to Molly’s? Or maybe I should just hit a bar, drink myself into oblivion and forget everything that’s happened over the last few weeks.

I gather my handbag, tossing it over my shoulder and rush out the door. When I hit the street, I keep walking until I find a cab and order him to take me downtown.

My body relaxes as I sit in the back seat staring out the window and watching the world rush by. This isn’t how things were meant to be. I was finally in a place where I could see my future, I knew exactly where I was heading, and I was working hard to get there. But now…

Now the course has changed.

Kace muscled his way in, and I can’t tell what’s right and what’s wrong. His demeanor and secretive ways have me stepping away, but whenever I catch a break in the façade, I’m pulled right back in. I know there’s something deeper to Kace, he’s more than he portrays, and it’s that that keeps me coming back searching for a flash or a glimpse of the man I know that’s underneath.

The man I know he could be if he just let a little light in.

I don’t care how tough or strong you think you are, the darkness is a scary place when you walk it alone. As much as Kace scares me, I feel this overwhelming need to protect him. From what? I’m not even sure.

Maybe from himself?

I sigh, my eyes looking out of the cab’s window just in time to see a familiar building and the shape of a figure I recognize. I don’t know why, but I yell at the driver to stop. He slams on the breaks and pulls to the curb, a look of annoyance on his face as I pay him and dive out.

My feet carry me through the front doors, the woman at reception gives a soft but confused smile as I wave and hurry past her. No one questions me as I step into the rehab room. They know me here, but they still eye me curiously as I walk through alone instead of with a dog at my side.

Max’s hard form is silhouetted in the window, and a smile creeps onto my face as I approach him.

“Have you even moved since I was last here?” I question, dragging a seat over for myself.

His eyes flick to mine then down to the floor as if he too is expecting Beau to be with me. “You the window police?” He scoffs, looking away again.

“You always so sarcastic?”

“You always so nosy?” he shoots back, causing me to grin. “No dog today?”

I turn my gaze to the window, my shoulders slumping. I’m not sure what gave me the urge to come in here. I take a deep breath, wondering if I should just walk away rather than dump my problems on a man who obviously is still struggling with his own demons.

“Sorry, I should go.” I move to stand, but his sharp voice has me dropping straight back onto the seat with a thump.

“Sit the fuck down,” he snaps. When I’m seated again, he turns to look at me, facing me fully. “Talk.”

I take a deep breath. “I’m scared,” I admit, surprising myself. I feel a familiar burn in my throat. “I’m scared, and I’m confused. I don’t know what to do.”

He doesn’t speak, his eyes urging me to continue.

I inhale deeply through my nose. “How can one moment change your life forever?” Max’s eyes flick down to his leg, and I gasp. “God, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, you don’t need this.”

He grabs my arm, once again stopping me from moving. His hand holds me tight, not enough to hurt me but enough to keep me still.

“You’re right, I don’t need this. But it’s obvious you do, so talk, kid.” There’s pain in his voice like I haven’t heard before, and unconsciously, I place my hand over his and squeeze.

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