Page 37 of Smoke and Mirrors

The elevator opens, and The Agency is brimming. Usually, at two in the morning the offices would be a little quieter, but there seems to be more people on the floor tonight. We step out and into the main building, the expanse is large taking up the entire floor. There are open plan desks and a level of raised offices to the left, which is where the boss’s office is located. Her office is encased in wall-to-ceiling bulletproof glass with a ramp that leads up to her doorway with a black metal railing.

The four of us walk the floor, and everyone nods at us as we pass. We’re well respected in The Agency. This is the second-to-top floor—there’s another five levels below this one and one above. But even I don’t have access or clearance for upstairs. The Loft is for Agency officials—our superiors basically—and a boss I am not. I might run my unit, but I don’t run The Agency.

I glance over at our boss’s office, and she’s outside talking to Blair, another member of SO7. Boss’s mahogany hair is pulled back into a tight bun as always, and her dress suit worn impeccably. She always looks the part of an Agency official. It’s difficult to believe she’s a ruthless killer under all the charming makeup and clothes. She too was an Operative and worked her way up through the ranks. Something I’m hoping to do too.

Her eyes drift, and she notices the four of us walking toward her. She raises an eyebrow and gestures for us to go to her. We quicken our pace because if there’s one thing you learn fast around here, it’s do what the boss says and do it now.

“Boys, I’m glad you’re here. Some more reporting has just hit my desk on the complete failure of the Roberto Cavaleri mission. The reports will be on your desks momentarily. What a monumental fuck-up that was! But I will not get into that with all of you right now. Kace, my office!” she chides.

I exhale and roll my eyes as Luca winces and pats my back. My feet feel heavy as they step up the ramp toward her pristine office. There’s not a thing out of place. It always looks as though she does absolutely nothing. But, of course, I know she works harder than most of us. The office is decked out with a giant glass and metal desk, and all the furniture is modern with an almost warehouse-like feel to it. Everything is made from metal and iron, except for the sofa, which is a sleek, white three-seater. She closes the door behind me, and my shoulders slump feeling heavy knowing I have to talk to her, not only about Roberto but also about Lily.

“Kace, I know you’re struggling at the moment. Life has thrown you some curveballs. But you need to be better than this. Losing Roberto was a massive fail for The Agency. We can’t lose assets, Kace. How do you think our other assets are going to regard this? They’re going to believe we can’t protect them, and they’re going to stop giving us the intel we desperately need. Then do you see what will happen? Do you?” She raises her voice, and I look down to the floor feeling utter remorse. I should have been protecting Roberto. Instead, I was protecting Lily. I know I fucked up, but I’m a torn man, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing right now.

“I fucked up. I left my post for a moment. I know this is on me. I’ll take the punishment however you see fit, boss.”

She exhales and steps closer to me, her familiar perfume that I’ve known for so many years fills my senses and brings forth so many memories. She reaches out, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Kace, stop! I’m not going to punish you. I should. I know I shouldn’t show favoritism, and I don’t really… you made a mistake. I realize that. But Kace… it can’t happen again. You can’t make choices in this life. You have a mission. You stick to it, no matter your thoughts regarding it. The mission is there for a reason whether you understand it or not. You know that, right?”

Sighing, I nod. “I know. I’m sorry.” I look up into her familiar eyes and a lump forms in my throat as I stare at her. So many memories flood my mind, and I swallow hard.

“I know why I’m here and what I have to do. It’s for the good of the country, for the sake of the world. I won’t let you down again… I promise… Mom.”

She smiles and nods. “Good. I know you won’t. I know you did all you could to save Roberto, but you can do better. I didn’t train you to fail. Failure is not an option, Kace.”

Nodding, I grit my teeth. “No, you trained me to kill.”

I can’t help but think about Lily and what she must think of me right now.

Maybe I am a monster.

Maybe I should stay in the dark.

“I hate that this has brought so much blackness to your life, it was never meant to be that way. It was supposed to be about saving people, rescuing them. You’re a good man, Kace. Your father would be so proud of who you’ve become and how you’ve grown. You’re so much like him.”

Slumping my body, I sigh. “Thanks, Mom.” I lean in and pull her to me for a hug. I don’t care that everyone out on the floor can see us. They know she’s my mother, so they won’t be bothered by this public show of affection.

She leans in kissing my cheek. “I only want what’s best for you. I hand-picked you for this team because you are the best. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re strong, stronger than you know. You just need to focus.”

She pulls back from the hug, and I nod. “I know.” I can’t help but think about how much I’ve allowed Lily to get inside of my head and distract me lately. I’ve lost my focus. It’s made me screw things up. It’s more than obvious Lily wants nothing more to do with me, so maybe I need to just let her go for the sake of both of us, for my job, and for her safety. Sure, I’ll watch out for her still, but maybe I’ll leave her be. My chest hurts just thinking about letting Lily go, but maybe, just maybe, this is the best option for both of us right now.

Mom looks at me raising her eyebrow. “Is something on your mind, Kace?”

Exhaling, I think about telling her what happened with Lily—that I told her my secret, that I sold out the Seven—but what good would it do? It would only make Mom ridiculously angry and probably jeopardize my career.

I know the guys will keep it to themselves.

For now.

I’ll probably have to tell her at some stage, but right this second I don’t have the strength.

“Just thinking about Dad. It still hurts. I miss him.”

She swallows hard and frowns looking down to the ground. “I miss him, too.” She sniffs taking a deep breath then looks up like she isn’t fazed. She’s a tough woman, and she acts like nothing bothers her, but I know Dad’s death must have hit her hard. Even though to everyone else it looked like she coped well, I’m sure she must have been breaking apart on the inside. You don’t marry someone and stay with them for so many years only to be fine when they die tragically.

Sure, Mom acts unyielding, even around me. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her cry, but surely she must… right? She’s never moved on since Dad’s passing. Although it’s only been three years, she could have started dating again, I suppose, but I’ve never seen her look at another man.

She’s too busy with work, and the Director seems to take up most of her time these days.

Mark Luthendale.

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