Page 84 of Dark Awakening

Tormenting thoughts of Rhyland consume me almost constantly now. Whenever I close my eyes, his handsome face flickers temptingly in the darkness. Whenever memory crosses my mind unbidden, my body erupts in that now-familiar scalding energy. My bare hands glow white-hot as heartache ripples through my core in endless waves.

What has he awakened in me by our brief yet soul-searing union? And where is Rhyland now when I most desperately need answers to these impossible questions? His absence remains a constant torture I cannot seem to escape.

In desperation, I call my parents again, hoping against fading hope they might finally shed light on the cryptic note left with my abandoned cradle. But regretfully, my parents admit to being just as mystified by the strange characters as I am. "We wish we knew more, honey," Dad says helplessly. "Truly we do..."

"Why not come out for a visit this weekend?" Mom suggests gently. "Might help clear your head to get away for a bit..."

I hesitate, the excuses flowing readily these shadowed days. "I picked up extra night shifts. I'm not sure they'll let me trade-off—" I lie, not wishing to trouble them with the darker truth.

"Well, if you change your mind or get someone to cover, just know the invite's open," Mom says gently through the phone. "We're here if you need anything, honey."

I mumble vague pleasantries before reluctantly ending the call, no nearer to unraveling my freakish origins from their vague responses.

Not long after, Emily's signature brash knock announces her arrival. I greet her with profound gratitude for her stalwart friendship through my repeated sanity lapses lately. She's endured my woeful pining over Rhyland more times than I can stand to contemplate— every roller-coaster high and low cataloged in exquisite, pathetic detail.

When I again showed Em the mysterious note, she arched one brow skeptically. "Girl, you know the saying, right? 'Best way to get over some fuckboy...' she prompts, mischievous delight dancing in her eyes.

I shake my head blankly. "Ummm...no?" Clearly, she wants my mind off all the supernatural shit.

Em snorts, unable to restrain her bawdy mirth. "Get railed by a new dude!" she advises matter-of-factly with a casual shrug. "Fuck that assclown Rhyland out of your system by banging some fresh, hard pipe!"

I can't help rolling my eyes with a reluctant smile as Em dishes out her brand of wisdom. But would another meaningless hookup truly erase my soul-deep longing for him?

If only I could embrace such flippant detachment, immediately "getting railed" by some random hard bod to forget the man who ripped my heart out and ditched me in utter chaos. If only it were so simple.

"That easy, huh?" I muse wistfully. "He's kinda ruined me for basic hookups at this point, given the freakish supernatural intensity."

At that, Emily makes a loud, derisive snort. "Because he's so huge and bangs you onto another astral plane, right? Has magic jizz or something?" She shakes her head firmly. "Don't let some dickwad mess with your standards like that! You're a badass queen and way too good for their bullshit."

I have to appreciate Em's uniquely colorful support, even as we're fundamentally mismatched on matters of the heart. She can shut off all attachments without a glance back or regret. Meanwhile, I drown relentlessly in fathomless depths until the waves close over my head. Letting Rhyland go feels impossible now. He's the frayed rope I cling to while buffeted endlessly by this hurricane inside.

But seeing the concern shadowing Emily's brash front, I force a casual tone. "You're right; he's not worth the stress. I'll be fine—"

But my assurances sound flat and unconvincing even to myself. Em pulls me into a fierce hug with a frustrated huff, her embrace replacing empty words with compassionate warmth, anchoring me to hope.

Sensing me spiraling into bleak thoughts again, Emily interrupts with an impatient huff. "Fuck this sad shit! We're going out tonight, and I'm helping you pull a new dude. A total jackhammer to blast that doucheface Rhyland out of your system for good! It's time to rage like old times, babe!"

Her crass enthusiasm tugs a reluctant half-smile from me, though anxiety spikes at the prospect. I can't stop replaying Lucian's dire warnings to lay low with all the weirdness lately. He made it abundantly clear no place was safe for me right now, especially the bar where that psycho Azrael attacked...

But damn, a part of me itches to break free of this self-imposed quarantine. I need to get out there and prove all-consuming fear won't make me its bitch, dictating my whole existence. I want my life back!

Sensing my shifting mood, Emily adjusts her rowdy tactics, tone gentling. "It's cool if you ain't there yet, babe. But sometimes, ya gotta fake that big clit energy before it becomes real. Ya feel me? I'll be right there, though, to shrivel any creep's nutsack if they step wrong!"

Her vulgar wisdom mixed with support fans my tiny spark of stubbornness brighter, driving the shadows back by degrees. I'm so fucking tired of living in fear and isolation. I need to take back ownership on my terms and stand defiant against the darkness once more rather than letting it pound me into submission.

But that persistent question haunts me—what if I'm truly becoming a supernatural catalyst drawing lethal shadows?

Emily's right—I must claw my way from this abyss before it consumes what remains of my spirit. I cannot stay imprisoned here by fear, merely existing in paralyzed stasis. Fuck that, and fuck him! Come what may in the unknown darkness, I'm done passively waiting as life wilts around me for answers that may never come. Tonight, I'll go out with Em and find a distraction, however fleeting. Rhyland abandoned me without explanation, but I can no longer do the same to myself.

I deserve to feel joy and breathless laughter again. I am shedding these smothering shadows with each pulse to relish the electric wonder of music and movement. I yearn to unleash this restless energy building relentlessly inside, setting it free under swirling colored lights.

It's time I rekindle my light and passion! I refuse to skulk here a moment longer, denying myself that intoxicating euphoria of reckless abandon on the dance floor.

Squaring my shoulders, I turn to Emily's expectant gaze. "Let's tear up this fucking town, shall we?" Her answering grin dispels the last clinging cobwebs of doubt and reluctance. I'm embracing that fierce woman who owns every room she occupies tonight.

It's time I reclaim my light, awakening be damned.

Danica

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