Page 83 of Angel

I suck in a breath and sag forward. I release his shirt and push at his chest. He lets me. And once again, he’s letting me go.

“Angel…”

I shake my head, turning back around. “No, no, you don’t get to say anything else. And here I thought you were strong. So strong. You said you would never let me fall. Said you would take all my pain away. Look at you… you’re nothing but a coward. A damn coward. Goodbye, Venom. I hope you find peace, because despite what you think, you are a good man, and I did want to be with you.” Heavy tears barrel down my cheeks. And a silent, painful, tortured cry from deep inside my broken chest tries to escape, but I refuse to let him hear my anguish. He doesn’t deserve it.

I can’t breathe. It’s like I’m submerged in water. Drowning. Why does heartache hurt so much?

My eyes blur from my tears, but I take a deep breath to calm myself, so I can make it back in one piece. At least on the outside anyway.

Venom

I fall on my knees. Collapse. The pain rips through my chest. A pain I can feel in my bones, crushing me with every breath. My shoulders tremble as I cry like a child on the ground, and punch the earth beneath me.

“Fuck!”

She told me she loved me. She fucking told me she still loves me, and I couldn’t say it back. She doesn’t think I love her, because I couldn’t fucking say the words.

Do I love her? Does one need air to survive? I love her more than I have ever loved anything. She is my cure. The remedy I need. She cleanses my poison, and I just let her go. I let her fucking go.

“I love you, brother, but you’re a fucking idiot.” Wrench crouches beside me and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You just let the only—and best—thing in your life walk away. And you know what? I don’t fucking blame her.”

I tilt my head up, enough to see his boots trudging back towards the clubhouse.

This is how it has to be. I would only make her life hell. Bring her down with me.

I pound the earth again, slamming my fist. And my knuckles burn. Thunder sounds and the clouds open, letting the rain pour out.

But for the first time… the storm doesn’t soothe me.

TWENTY-NINE

Angel

One. Smack.

Two. Smack.

Three. Smack.

“Woah, hey, okay. Let’s take a water break before my hands fall off.” Tank removes the sparring gloves, and I wipe the sweat off my forehead. “So, have you thought more about starting your classes? You know, you can teach them here. I think that would be fucking awesome, Angel.” Tank sits on the gym bench, squirting water into his mouth.

I sprawl out on the floor, trying to catch my breath while closing my eyes to block them from the lights. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Hell no, woman. I welcome the idea. It’ll bring me more business.” He laughs. “How are you doing?”

“I just need to lie here for a second, and—”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I sit up, resting my body against my elbows. “Oh, that…”

“Yeah. How are you doing? You went through some shit. Also, how’s that heart of yours?”

My chest hurts, aches. Every day. I never thought I would fall in love. And it pains me down to my core, realizing that the person I love doesn’t love me back. Or even want me.

“Listen… if I were him, I wouldn’t want to be with you either.”

“Uh, gee, thanks, Tank. I feel so much better now.” I cock my head.

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