Page 36 of Angel

Tequila draws the curtain back and gawks at me. “Holy shit, you really are Malibu Barbie.” She pulls the zipper all the way up my back and steps away. “You’re crazy for wearing that.”

“Probably, but I can take care of myself.”

“Sure, I guess, but that’s a lot of men, Angel.”

“I’m only going to be focusing on one, and I won’t let it get too far. Have some faith in me.” I grab her by the shoulders and smile. “Now, go fetch me those lace-up pumps, please.”

“I can’t believe I am aiding in this.”

“Thank you. Love you.” I blow her an air kiss.

“Yeah, sure.” She slides the curtain closed, and I stare into the mirror.

Am I really this pathetic? Using my body as a weapon. A tool. One to get what I want. When will I feel like I don’t have to do this? I try so hard to be confident. Powerful. And just because I act and sound it, it doesn’t mean I am. If I were, I wouldn’t feel the need to weaponize my looks. The more I stare at myself, the more ashamed I am of the person staring back at me. There has to be more to my life than this. Something worth fighting for. I should be fighting for me. But I can’t. No matter the number of times I tell myself I am strong, I never one hundred percent feel that way.

“Okay, so they had these.” Tequila holds up black pumps with skinny straps that wrap around the ankle and legs.

“Those are perfect.” I smile, pretending to be excited, when all I really want to do is crawl inside a hole and hide away. But tonight, I will be Audrey. The girl who was told she would never amount to anything. The girl who faced abuse, both physical and mental. With scars that can’t be hidden. And the girl who uses her body to get what she needs. To gain inner satisfaction. Self-approval. For what? This is about more than finding some lowlife scum of a President. It’s my way of getting a fix. To feel good about myself. This is what I’m used to. What I know. Because I’ve never felt like enough. Never felt like I was worth anything. Sure, my brothers are great. Sure, Tequila is like my sister. And now Jules too.

But there’s a hole in my chest, and I can’t seem to figure out how to mend it.

THIRTEEN

Angel

I’ve spent the last half hour listening to Foxy talk about herself. This is the first party I’ve been to at the Steel Valley Skulls’ club, and I can’t say I’m thrilled about it. On occasion, I make sure to turn her way and smile. To appear like I’m still interested. When in all reality, I haven’t heard a damn thing she’s been saying. Not really anyway.

“I mean, am I right?” Foxy nudges my arm.

“W-what?”

“I said: just because I’m a hang-around, it doesn’t mean I should be treated like dirt. Am I right?” No, she’s not right. She chose her path, knowing how these guys are. No one forced her into this life, so is she really surprised? Did she expect roses and chocolates? Did she think these guys were actually capable of such romantic gestures? Get a clue, Foxy. Open your eyes. Leave while you still can. Even though I pinned her as a ditsy valley girl, she seems nice, and I’d hate to see her get hurt.

“Listen, Foxy, maybe you should give up on these guys. Get away while you still can,” I whisper the last part, hoping she takes the hint, but she doesn’t.

“This is all I have. It’s my home. I wouldn’t know where to go or what to do.” She smiles with a touch of sadness, and all I can do is sigh. She’s too far gone to even try.

I look around. “Hey, have you seen Mouse anywhere?” I twirl in my stool, in search of the little rodent amongst the crowd.

“No, I haven’t. Why? Are you interested?” She smiles again, and I try my hardest not to regurgitate my lunch.

“Maybe,” I lie with a shrug. “I mean, I’m having fun with Venom, but a girl needs options.”

“Absolutely, girlfriend.” Foxy holds up her glass, and I clink it with mine.

“So…” I take a sip of rum, letting it burn on the way down. “Who’s in charge of this place anyway? Like, doesn’t every biker gang have some sort of leader?” I try to dumb down my knowledge.

She nods, leaning in closer to whisper. “Between you and me, I heard he went into hiding. From what? I don’t know, but the talk around here is that some other biker club wants him found.”

“Did they say where he’s hiding out?” As if it would be that easy.

“Nope, but it’s not like they would tell me much anyway.” She starts bopping in her seat. “Oh! I love this song. I’m gonna go dance. Come find me later.” She walks away, shaking her hips to the sound of “Bad Nature” by Nerv.

This is going to be harder than I thought. I scan the crowd. Not for Mouse, but for Venom. Where is he anyway? Not that I care, but I’m supposed to be keeping tabs on him.

“Looking for me?” I jump in my seat as it’s swiveled around by none other than the snake himself. With his hand on the back of my stool, he peers down at me from his skyscraper height.

“Yes, but not because I enjoy your company.” I roll my eyes.

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