Page 34 of Charger

Garrett: Hey, sis, getting a ride from one of the guys. Thanks for asking btw lol. Anyway, be safe tonight and don’t do anything stupid. Meaning, tell Zach to wrap up his fucking shit. Whatever, love you and p.s. Tommy’s nose is broke as fuck. Lol. Ttyl.

I was so dumb last night. Jealous rage got the best of me and I acted like a complete idiot. I should have just stayed at the dance.

Making my way to Garrett’s room, I open his door slowly, in case he’s still sleeping. The bed sheets haven’t been touched. He didn’t come home last night?

Weird.

The doorbell rings and multiple voices are being carried up from downstairs. The gut-wrenching, ear-piercing scream emanating from my mother stops time. The thumping in my chest is all I can feel; the thumping in my ears is all I can hear.

My mother’s screams are loud enough to send the neighborhood into panic mode. Finally, ungluing my feet from the ground, I run… only to stop dead at the top of the stairs. Two cops are standing in the doorway, with sympathetic looks on their faces.

Something happened to Garrett.

I’ve had this feeling, this feeling ever since I woke up, of being unable to sense my brother’s presence anymore. Call it a weird twin thing, but it is definitely real. Part of me doesn’t want to continue down these steps, afraid of what I already know to be true.

Mid-descent, I watch in horror as my mom sobs on the floor, my dad holding her as he rocks her back and forth. Tears fall from his face.

“Mom… D-Dad.” It’s like I’m being strangled.

My dad looks up with the most devastating face I’ve ever seen. That’s when I know. In that moment, without the words being said, I know Garrett is gone. I collapse on the bottom step, as the tears drown my soul. I let the sobs from the agonizing pain overtake me. The stab, the twist of the knife inside my chest hurts so badly I can barely breathe.

The nightmare, the one you never think could possibly happen, has become my reality. This very moment just changed our lives forever.

Two months later

I stand outside Zach’s house, box in hand with a letter taped to the outside, staring at the door in front of me. I fiddle with the letter, deciding if I should even be here. Prom night was the last time I saw Zach. The last time I got to look into those baby blues. That was it. The silence on the phone, as I told him Garrett was killed, was deafening. Nothing. He didn’t say anything. Just hung up. He just fucking hung up. I haven’t talked to him since.

Our world changed that morning. Life as we knew it would never be the same. One of the boys driving that night had been drunk. He swerved into the other lane, hitting a car head-on. He was killed along with his girlfriend and my brother. Lisa was the only survivor, leaving her in bad shape for a long time. She was physically, mentally, broken. We all were. We still are.

It kills me to see my parents grieving every day. A part of them died alongside Garrett. My mother doesn’t smile anymore. Her normal, bubbly self is gone and might even be lost forever.

As for me? The pain in my chest has yet to go away. I don’t think it ever will. And there hasn’t been a day I don’t mourn for him. I sob, knowing I will never see him again. I will never get to joke with him or tell him what a jerkface I think he is. I am crushed, shattered, wrecked… from losing my brother. From just as suddenly losing Zach. Two months without a word, without seeing him. I’ve sent him texts. Yet he avoids me. To lose two people you love, all at once, it fucking sucks—to say the least.

Zach didn’t show up for graduation, nor did he attend the funeral. I needed him. Selfishly, I needed him.

So, I stand here, feeling ridiculous holding this box for him.

After the long contemplation, my knuckles tap on his front door. It takes a few minutes before his mom answers. “Oh, hi, Jules. How are you doing, honey?” She gives me the same look everyone else has given me over the past couple of months. The look that says, “I’m so sorry but I don’t know what else to say.” She does seem better though. Being sober has done her good, and I’m glad she got her act together. Though, you’d think her son up and leaving would break her more.

“Hi, Mrs. Scott, is Zach here?”

“No, dear, he’s not.” She sighs with a sad smile.

Disappointment hits me, not that I was expecting him to be here. “Well, if he does come back, will you give him this please?” I extend my gift to her.

“Of course, hon.” She takes it and hugs it to her midsection. I smile and turn to walk back to my house. “Hey, Jules,” she beckons from the doorway. I turn back around to her once more. “He calls every so often. He’s doing okay for himself. Well, I think he is anyway. Give him time. He’ll call you.”

I nod solemnly, but I can’t deny the slight wave of relief that follows. Am I glad he’s okay? Sure, but the fact that he hasn’t tried contacting me breaks what little heart I have left. I needed him and he wasn’t there. I still need him—something I don’t think I will ever forgive him for. His mom’s words repeat in my mind. Give him time. He’ll call you.

Yeah, too bad he never actually did.

One Month Later

Zach

The demons grow bigger inside me every day. I’m unable to shake this misery. All I can do is take this little pill to make me forget. Maybe if I was less of a coward and more of a man, I would have been able to face her. But instead, I ran. I ran from her and I ran from the pain. I ran from the girl I was in love with. From the girl I am still in love with. Only to inflict more pain. But how could I face her now? Just look at me… I am a complete mess and she would never forgive me. Just one more hit. One more instance of letting myself fall unconscious, of forgetting about the ache inside my chest. Once I am able, I will come back to you. I will come back to you, my pretty girl. Just wait for me, please. I will come back for you. I promise you that.

Too bad I never actually did. I left that promise to her broken, as broken as the rest of me.

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